For context; I played Sorc (~lv22, initially easy mode then upgraded up one difficulty when it was too easy) and Rogue (~lv9) on a 3000 series Ryzen 7 and a 3060 gpu with Windows 11 x64.

Starting off with the great

• Art direction is fantastic
• Spells and skills feel great
• Combat still feels slick
• Cinematics team is still one of the best
• I appreciate that its got an M17+ rating
• Mark as junk is a welcome improvement for inventory management. I kinda wish there was more marking types (mark as junk, mark for scrapping, etc)
• Storytelling has definitely stepped up from the Saturday Disney villains of Diablo 3
• Never had a crash!
• I like the revised potion system

I'll start with what could potentially be fixed by launch

• Rubber-banding issues when walking between areas. I kept running into invisible walls and then bounced back to a previous spot when walking between two areas. Most notably the Kyovashad and Eastern Gatehouse/Cathedral of Light.
• An annoying delay after talking to an NPC while the camera pans, preventing you from choosing the next dialog options. I'm a bit of a lore junkie and playing it for the plot.
• Can't always skip dialogue with characters? Couldn't seem to find a pattern with it.
• Subtitles on movies are buggy. Doesn't go away after words are spoken or de-sync within a minute.
• The (dungeons?) felt too too big, overstaying their welcome. I had moments that I was so bored while backtracking that I actually dozed off at the computer.
• Big bosses seem to be mainly damage sponges. The one at the end of Act1 took forever with 2p, despite the pattern not deviating much other than attacks speeding up a bit.
• If I'm playing solo, please for the love of Akarat pause the damn game when I press ESC. Coming back to a dead character after having to run off and do something on a moments notice isn't fun.
• I can see textures loading in as cutscenes play.
• Why can't I right-click and teleport to someone in my party? The friend I was playing with was genuinely angry about it
• It's too easy to miss waypoints. Could we automatically activate them once we step foot into a town?
• Camera zoom levels of the gameplay area (this has been discussed thoroughly by others already)
• Comparing off-hand damage tooltips seems buggy (off-hand skull showing me +1 damage, swapped off-hand showing me +13 damage). How could they both be better than the other?
• Every cellar I went into was the same hallway/room. Did I just have awful RNG?
• My basic lightning arc attack was one-shotting mobs. Chain lightning destroyed everything it touched. The iconic frozen orb spell? Merely tickled the enemies...
• Exit dungeon button is useless whenever I reach for it. Dungeon map doesn't always have "leave dungeon" or leave area. I don't always want to TP back to town.
• I keep pressing "E" by accident during a battle and it is always followed by panic as chunks of my HP are taken out. Remapped it to backspace
• Performance is steady for the most part, but randomly stutters for a few moments.
• Consider unlocking the skill slots for the earlier levels as we gain more skills. What's the point of letting us unlock multiple skills if we didn't have the ability to use them in slots?
• Sometimes pinned locations on the map will show you a red line path that isn't valid

Post-launch improvements?

• Character designer has so little options compared to Lost Ark. The interface to create your character felt really clunky too (eg. left/right buttons instead of a gallery)
• If I was somewhat bored with the "increased drop rates" during beta then I'm not really looking forward to the launch drop rates
• Only realising it now after the beta had finished, I never noticed the music in the game. Is there even any music?
• For a game that was touted as Diablo+MMO I found very little reason to interact with strangers, and even if I wanted I found it very difficult to figure out how.

Things that stop me from buying but unlikely to be fixed, ever

• No offline mode for console. I am not paying a monthly subscription fee to PSN/Xbox to play Diablo solo.
  
• The story-telling mechanisms used are cheap. D4 is too much "telling", not showing
  

-- Over-use of holograms to re-tell events
-- Neyrelle's mum is having the time of her life following Lilith around. Why on earth does she spend so much time leaving diary entries on stone tablets?

• The plot/dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of the M17+ audience. I found Dead Cells had a more intriguing way of telling a story than Diablo 4.

-- After gruesome scene where priest is killed in church, Lilith speaks to guy in hoodie, "Now our true work begins" - that last line cheapened the whole scene. Would have maintained a more menacing tone by ending with "Go to the Dry Steppes and proceed with preparations".
-- Our character is drugged and abducted after their first meal, escape and hours later happily agrees to enjoy a meal with another total stranger (Lorath)
-- A grave danger has been unleashed upon this world, we need to hurry! But first, carry this token around in the snow to a few altars. Then seek blessing from our living Angel. Oh he didn't approve? That's ok, I'll bless you anyways lulz
-- Nobody in town seems surprised by my discoveries about the big baddie. They all seem to be ahead of any developments, why cant they just save the world themselves?

• The world feels TOO big? I felt fatigue looking at the map and thinking about how much walking is required before a mount is unlocked. Parts of the game felt like a walking simulator (could just be a me-problem)
• Sorc skill-tree seems too linear, felt more like a skill-stick.
• Missing the feeling of building a character the way we want and having items supplement that build, rather than the other way around. Most notable after playing D2R prior to D4 beta.
  
• Why no local co-op for PC?
  
• I feel nothing towards the MMO aspects of the game.
  
• I feel next to nothing towards the story of the game.
  
• I thought my friend was lying about how much the game costs (too damn much)
  

Thanks Blizzard for the D4 open beta, but I have now confirmed that the franchise is no longer what I crave for in an ARPG.
This is really sad for me as I always saw Diablo 1 as the genre defining game and Diablo 2/LoD/D2R as the gold standard that every game aspired to be. Hundreds of hours sunk into D1/D2LoD, not even including the time on creating fan apps (mobile app for Runewords) and D2 mods. D3 was ok, RoS fixed it up but the ARPG genre now has alternatives.
Diablo 4 is a decent game. I want it to succeed and I'm sure many will enjoy it thoroughly, but it's not for me.

Hi guys! Some info: We’re going to DLP for 2 days in June and our family (me, my hubby, our 2 kids 4yo/2yo, my sister and sister in law) staying at Davey Crockett. We drive with our own cars. We arrive on a Thursday morning, do early check-in at DC and drive to DLP. Friday we have the full day. I haven’t been since I was a teen, so I honestly have no clue where to start.
Our son loves all the Disney classics (Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Buzz Lightyear, Tarzan) and our little girl loves basically everything, Frozen included ;-) We, the adults, are mostly looking forward to the food, haha. Also, I love Ratatouille and The Little Mermaid (nostalgia for me) and we love shopping at the Disney Stores. We are not into the Avengers and such.
So, what’s the best game plan for us in terms of exploring vs. eating?
I was thinking: give the kids something pre-packed to eat in the morning instead of doing a sit-down breakfast, so we can start both days early as possible. The adults can get Starbucks with something sweet for breakfast. Then we’ll explore the park (2yo can nap in buggy) until lunch time, and again I was thinking to get some food on the go instead of finding a sit-down spot somewhere. For dinner, I was thinking to make reservations for both afternoons around 17:00 so we can chill a bit before we go watch the parade. However, I now see the parade is at 17:30 so that might not be the greatest idea..
Some must-sees I have saved in the app: Dragon under the Castle It’s a small world Aladdin themed Disney shop Le passage enchante Aladdin Mat Hatter cups Peter Pan Buzz Lightyear Laser Blast Ratatouille Pirate’s beach
Also we’d like to at least visit one show, which one would you recommend? Should we buy tickets already?
So, what would you advise us in terms of game plan for the day, food breaks, must-visits and other tips & tricks? Thank you so much in advance.

Coming all the way from Vancouver, Canada I recently had the great blessing to be able to stay in NYC for 6 days and here is the list of places I ate at and my short reviews:
Night 1
NR ramen cocktail bar in the UES. We went there last year and had a bit more enjoyable of an experience then due to the great service (thank you Ray!) but as per this time, the ramen was still good (nice chewy noodles and rich broth) and the cocktails inventive and on point. Wish they would do dessert. Really busy spot and I was happy to see others enjoying this fun ramen bar. 7/10.
Day 2
Rule of Thirds in Brooklyn. Brunch with cocktails, Japanese breakfast for my daughter and the souffle pancake for myself. Wife had... I forget. Everyone was happy. I really loved the cucumber side dish. The pancake was not as good as what I have had at a Japanese chain place called Gram but it was decent. Overall the room was great, service nice and the location a hit as we did a bunch of vintage shopping in Williamsburg right after. 7/10.
Night 2
Atomix. Wow. Just wow. Dream like atmosphere and the service was fantastic. The food was inventive, challenging and at all times delicious. There was a tuna, caviar and snap pea dish that blew my mind. They also made sea cucumber delicious. How is that even possible? The matcha cocktail was another scene stealer. And the rice cream dessert with fresh black truffle shavings, come on. Pure heaven. I have been a fan of Korean food for a long time. This version of Korean fine dining was something special. 10/10. Highest recommendation. I will never forget this meal.
Day 3
Hop Kee in Chinatown for lunch. This was a misstep. The portions were big but not delicious. Thr service was laughably atrocious but at least endearing. The server delivered the wonton soup and then began to dig around in it after it was on the table to make sure we got duck meat. We had in fact but wish we hadn't. The duck tasted gamey. The salt and pepper squid dish was rough. The prominent flavors here were salt and grease. The rest of the meal went about the same. We left wondering how any one could recommend this place. Is this the typical quality of Chinese food in NYC? If so, Vancouver blows it outta the water. 2 outta 10 as the free tea was nice as it helped us digest all the grease. Kinda cool to get fortune cookies too. Reminded me of when I was a kid.
Night 3
Keen's Steakhouse. We absolutely loved the meal and the experience of eating at this NYC institution. I took on the challenge of the mutton chop and did my best with that delicious beast of a dish. My wife and daughter split a massive T-bone and barely got through it. Creamed spinach and mashed potatoes for sides were both perfect and the Pimms went down smooth. House made carrot cake for dessert was a hit. Our server Thomas was fantastic. The place is fun. The prices more than fair. I cannot wait to return someday. 10/10.
Day 4
Off to Washington DC for the day but we did Liberty bagels for breakfast and those were well enjoyed on our Amtrak ride. I won't grade bagels though as I am not an expert. I pretty much have never had a bad bagel from a bagel shop that serves them fresh.
Day 5
Clocktower restaurant for breakfast. This was a mistake. Overpaid for a really sad excuse of a breakfast. I have had better instant oatmeal. Coffee was nice and regularly refilled. But I would never go back. 15 dollars for a smoothie in a oversized shot glass. What was I thinking. Yikes. 1/10.
Sushi 35 West for lunch number 1. Wow. Best sushi I have had in North American including a recent Michelin star winning place in Vancouver. We scoffed down this amazingly delicious fresh and fast food find in Herald Park. Every bite was superb. If I lived in NYC, I would be eating here 5 times a week easily. And for the prices, it is probably the best deal in town. 10/10.
Chick fil-A for lunch number 2. Daughter had to have the nuggets. Hey it is what it is. 5/10.
Papaya King for lunch number 3. The special combo with the Papaya drink, all scoffed down super quickly so we could get outta here and back to the hotel to rest up for our late dinner. It was my third visit and I place I will religiously return to every time I am back in NYC. It is a damn good hot dog and drink. Simple as that. 7/10.
Night 5
Eleven Madison Park. The all plant based menu had me hesitant to book EMP but given its proximity to our hotel I felt like I should book it since I kept asking myself when would we have the chance to do it again. I am so glad we did. Although the meal had some dishes far better than others, the room itself, the elite level of service (thank you Brandon) and the overall experience was one of a kind. The abundance of truffles on the menu and the truffle cocktail (called the mushroom) were heavenly. And the granola gift at the end is a perfect way to end a one of a kind experience. I appreciate you plants! I truly appreciate you. 10/10.
Day 6
Katz's Deli. Best pastrami this side of Schwartz's in Montreal. Loved the space and the experience. Price is crazy at 26 bux but we split the sandwich in 3 and all felt full leaving. The cherry sodas and the pickles were also great. 8/10.
Russ and Daughters for bagels and an egg cream. Loved this place and don't regret that egg cream no matter my lactose intolerance. Totally worth it.
Shake Shack at the airport for burgers and fries. Perfect way to end the trip. I have yet to eat a bad burger from SS. 7/10.
If you got through all that, thanks and also I hope some of these reviews help others in deciding where or where not to eat when visiting the amazing food mecca that is NYC. I will be back someday and Sushi 35 West better still be there!! Mama Mia, that sushi....

Having played through beta both weekends, which element suited your playstyle?
I started off with Lightning, I leveled up with it all the to 20 before going Fire. I enjoyed it at first but was easily losing interest somewhere along the way. My biggest gripe with the Lightning stuff I ended up not finding them visually appealing. Stuff like Chain Lightning and Lightning Spear to me felt like they overlap. Sure LS has some whiteness in its visuals compared to CL but I just never ended up caring for both spells. I was hoping CL would be like an actual chain lightning spell similar to Electrocute the Sorceress uses in Dark Alliance 1. Ball Lightning and Charged Bolts didn't feel good to use either, Idk, lightning overall felt too passive for my taste.
Fire was pretty fun, setting up a flamethrower in hallways with Incinerate felt pretty good. Using the Fireball enchantment to AoE nuke enemies on death felt nice, especially in those situations where you're walled in with the enemies it's just a chain reaction of explosions everywhere. Hydra was also cool, spewing down firebolts while adding your own firebolt to the fight stuff was melting. I really did like the fire ult, I can imagine it being more incredible with the 1st upgrade perk to reel enemies in. With that said, I did enjoy Fire and had a blast with it.
Cold... I really fell in love with the spells here, being able to chill or freeze enemies charging you and shattering them while keeping them at bay made me dabble with this element a lot. Frozen Orb and Blizzard is a nasty combo to unload on a horde of enemies. Ice Shard felt REALLY awesome to cast(I play on controller so I felt the vibration from each shard that damaged an enemy.), machine gunning shards never got old. Both defensive spells slapped and Barrier synergized real well with Ice Shard. Ice Block is hands down my favorite ult in the game, incasing yourself in a block of ice while letting out cold air that eventually froze enemies and shattered them I can't wait to see how deadly I can make this spell in the full game.
All in all, I had an incredible time with Cold Sorc in the beta, looking forward to dabbling with this element some more in the full game. I usually don't play ice magic builds in ARPGs but in D4, man it was pretty entertaining.
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This is a bit of an open-ended request/offer, but please bear with me.
I've recently found enjoyment again from writing letters and postcards, and being the massive fantasy nerd that I am, it spun off into several 'what if' scenarios. I would love to come up with something collaborative with the right person, but just as examples some scenarios that I thought would be fun are:

• A friendly rivalry between wizards discussing various esoterica (with or without varying levels of academic bureaucracy)
• Dragons swapping ideas on the best way to keep adventuring party pests out of their lairs
• Frazzled diplomats who are just done with their respective kingdom's ridiculous demands

The other side of this I thought would be fun is fulfilling the need for 'letters from home'. Back in my aggressive LARPing days having to play both sides of a letter writing chain was, well, boring as hell. I'd love to be the other side of that for someone (or someones!) and make it that much more memorable. Of course this doesn't have to be LARP specific, I'm happy to be your D&D/TTRPG of choice character's parent/sibling/mentoetc. OCs also welcome! Tell me allll about your adventures, and in return I'll remind you to put a sweater on because it's cold outside up there in the Frozen Wastes and you will absolutely catch a chill. 😆
I have a huge preference towards snail mail for this. I am US based but will happily mail internationally. I generally use nicer paper and will pick a suitable ink color once we iron out the details.
If any of that sounds up your alley please don't hesitate to DM me!

“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Kaaaaatheriiiine…”
“Shut up.” I had been awake for a little while, just staring at the wall.
“I knew it.”
“Can you not sleep?” I rolled over and looked at him as I asked the question.
James was in his rocking chair in the corner of our bedroom right next to the window. The moon outside was illuminating his face.
“I’m ok. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?” I did my best to sit up. I was almost at my due date and I was enormous. During the pregnancy I wasn’t quite as sensitive to his little issues that I normally was.
James suffered from severe bouts of anxiety and he would spend lots of nights just rocking in his chair, trying not to worry about things.
“I think we should get a dog.”
“What?”
“We should get a dog. Every kid should grow up with a dog.” He turned his head to look at me. Most of his face was in shadow, but his eyes were bright. He smiled at me.
“Ok. Is that it? That’s what’s keeping you up?”
“Yes. Oh, and I also love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And I farted.” I had never known James to end anything on any kind of sappy note, so he always had to say or do something childish to ruin the moment.
I loved him so much.
-
“He’s kind of gross.” There were so many dogs at the shelter, but my husband immediately went to the mangiest one. A large mutt with his tongue hanging limply out of the side of his mouth. The mousey brown fur looked like someone had teased it with a brush and sealed the deal with an entire can of hairspray, and he had a slight limp as it walked toward this strange new man making baby talk. I watched the dog cock its head from side to side like it understood what James was saying.
“He’s perfect.” I could tell that James was in love.
“Why him?”
“Well…every other little guy in here is so animated and vibrant. He’s…um…not.”
“He looks like an oversized mouse with bad hair.”
“That’s perfect!”
“What?”
“We can name him Feivel! Does Feivel like that name?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!” The dog started making inquisitive whines and that lazy tongue came to life and began to lick the strange man's fingers through the chain link fence.
Feivel came home with us, and for a month that dog never left my husband’s side.
-
“What happened?”
“Can you put me on speaker so Art can hear me?”
“Ok. You’re scaring me Katherine.” I was trying to hold it together. James’ parents had recently moved to the east coast, so I had no choice but to call them on the phone with the news. “Ok, you’re on speaker.”
“Ok. James… um… James had an accident. It was a hit and run. Someone hit him with a car while he was crossing the street and then just kept driving.”
“Oh my God! Is he alright?”
“He’s um…” I had been with James since our sophomore year in high school, but we had been friends since we were six. I had known his parents for almost just as long.
“He’s…he’s gone.”
“Oh my God…”
I had to make lots of phone calls that day. It was the hardest day of my life.
-
“Mommy needs to talk to you.”
Feivel had been pacing the house for three days. When he wasn’t pacing, he would just sit at the front door waiting for James to come home. He wouldn't sit with me, almost like he blamed me for James not being there.
“Come here. Feivel! Come here.” He finally gave in and walked over to the couch. I patted the cushion next to me and he jumped on the couch and sat down.
He grunted at me several times and when he was done voicing his frustrations, his tongue jutted out of the side of his mouth and just hung there.
I don’t know if it sounds stupid or not, but I had a conversation with him about what had happened to his Daddy and why he wasn’t with us anymore. I felt like it would have been cruel not to.
He stared at me through the whole story and when I was finished, there was a heavy silence between us that was eventually broken by a small cry from him before he put his head in my lap.
-
Three weeks later, I had Casey. The birth was rough and there were multiple issues. For a little bit there, I was afraid that I might lose her too. She had to stay in the hospital longer than I would have liked, but when I was finally able to bring her home, Feivel took to her instantly.
He was always next to her.
-
As the years went by, I made sure Casey knew every detail about her father. I would tell her stories and Feivel would always add something in his own language. I don’t know if he was backing up what I said or perhaps contradicting it, but I do know he was always happy to be included in the reminiscing.
Shortly after she turned four, Casey’s favorite pastime was drawing with her crayons. I had quite a few pictures up on our fridge of our little family in the midst of imagined adventures. She always drew James in with us. The way she always emphasized his balding head would make me smile.
I would BBQ on Friday nights because James had always done the same.
When we first moved in, he had built a huge grilling station out of brick and bought this ridiculously large grill that could almost fit an entire cow inside of it. James had said we would need it for the amount of children and grandchildren that we were going to have. We would sit in front of it every Friday night with a bottle of whiskey while he cooked.
Casey and I would sit at the same table and have juice while we made hot dogs. I thought it was important to keep some of our traditions alive for Casey.
In spite of losing James, we were happy. I started to adjust to a life without a partner, which was not a very easy thing to do since we had been a part of each other’s lives since we were both six years old.
-
Almost five years after I lost James, I met Stephen. I was a busy woman with a young daughter and up to that point, I had not even thought about dating. There was something different about Stephen though. I was interested in him from the first time we met.
Casey and I were playing in the park with Feivel one day and somehow we lost him. He just vanished. I looked for him for hours while my mom watched Casey, but I couldn’t find him. For three days I was beside myself and Casey was constantly in tears. Then, Stephen showed up on my doorstep holding our Feivel at the end of a leash.
A tall man with thick hair and trendy glasses wearing a flannel and jeans.
“Oh my God!”
“Hi. I uh…found him in the park down by the river.” I snatched him up and he started whimpering and shaking his butt back and forth. I completely ignored the man at my door. When Feivel had had enough of my pets, he ran inside to look for Casey.
“Thank you so much. Oh my God, you have no idea how much we missed him.” I was wiping tears from my eyes.
“Oh, I might have a clue.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
As I was wiping my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, I realized that the man standing at my door was gorgeous.
“Can I…let me give you some money or something. You have no idea how happy you just made my daughter.”
“No, that's ok. Just happy to help.”
“Thank you.”
There was something about the way he looked at me with his eyes. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to invite him in, and the fact that I wanted to do that upset me.
I thanked him. I didn’t even ask him for his name. I’ll admit that I even closed the door on him a little more abruptly than I meant to.
All three of us shared my bed that night. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in years.
-
A couple weeks went by and then I saw him again, the man who had found Feivel. He was sitting in the park with his back against a tree, reading a book. Casey and I had been taking turns throwing a frisbee for Feivel, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I decided that I would thank him again and apologize for being so awkward.
As I walked closer, I took in every detail. I was sure he was a few years younger than I was and he looked very athletic. His glasses rested on the tip of his nose as he read from The Winter of Our Discontent; Steinbeck has always been my favorite author.
Feivel must have seen him just as I was about to say something because he reached the man before I did. I could hear Casey calling for me.
“Hold on honey. Give me a second.”
Feivel was all over the man and he was laughing at the writhing whining beast who was trying its best to lick every inch of his face.
“Feivel, don’t be rude.”
“No, it's fine. I’m glad he remembers me.”
“Yeah. Wow, he really remembers you.” Feivel was so excited that he started to whimper and expose his tummy. “Feivel! Have some self respect!”
The man stood up next to me. My stomach was fluttering again and I could not stop looking at his eyes.
“Hey, I have to apologize about…uh the way I kinda shut my door in your face.” He laughed.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Mommy?” Casey had run up behind me and was partially hiding herself behind my leg while she stared at the man. “Mommy?”
“This is my daughter Casey.”
“Hello Casey.”
“Hello.”
“My name’s Stephen.” Casey stayed behind my leg.
“It’s ok honey. Tell him your name.”
“I’m Casey and this is my mom. Her name is Katherine.”
“Well…you’re a very pretty girl and it’s very nice to meet you.” I noticed that his eyes started to tear up while he was looking at my Casey. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. He was clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. She just… reminds me of my niece. We lost her a few years ago.”
We talked for a while that day. Every time he looked over at Casey, I swore that he was on the verge of tears.
-
It didn’t take very long at all; I was hooked. Feivel was hooked. Eventually, even Casey was hooked.
I tried to take it slow. I didn’t want to date anyone. I wasn’t over James and I knew it, but I just wanted to be around this man and I honestly could not explain what it was at the time. I always wanted him at the house, so he was there all the time. I loved it when he looked at me.
For the most part, he was great, but there were some things that were off. There were things I should have paid more attention to, but again, there was something about him that made me feel like I needed him.
He would kiss me with his eyes open every time, and even though the way he kissed me was great, something about it still gave me the creeps. I would crack my eyes open sometimes in the hopes that he had stopped doing it. Every time I saw those eyes staring back at me, I felt uneasy. I had only ever been with James, so I thought maybe some guys just did that, even though all of my friends thought it was weird too.
He also did things when he would come over that would raise the hairs on the back of my neck. Maybe that description is a little too harsh for what I was thinking at the time, but it fits now.
He would move things around the house. The toilet paper would be folded in that terrible triangle every time. James used to do that. He would also randomly adjust my coffee cups in the cabinet so the handles all faced the same way. Again, something my James used to do.
I had no idea what he did for a living, he told me he was in construction, but I had no idea who he worked for. He had never invited me over to his house, nor did he ever talk about his family.
My friends told me that I needed to relax and just enjoy myself. I admit, for the most part he seemed like the almost perfect guy. It was almost like he knew everything about me.
-
It was three months before he stayed overnight. I had Casey stay over at my mother’s house because it didn’t feel right to have her there.
We tried to be intimate, but I felt dirty. He said it was fine. He stayed anyway.
In the middle of the night I rolled over and cracked my eyes open. He was in the rocking chair in the corner. The moon was illuminating his eyes while he looked out the window. I thought I was dreaming for a minute.
“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Katherine?”
I didn’t say anything. I pretended to sleep. He turned his face to me and smiled. His eyes were so wide and bright.
“Katherine?”
I never went back to sleep that night. I just laid there for a while going back and forth from feeling like I was betraying my husband to feeling like I was an idiot who should just enjoy having a relationship with someone.
Around four in the morning, I had finally begun to drift off to sleep, but Stephen started making noises.
I rolled over and realized that his eyes were wide open. I was going to say something, but he was asleep. I waved my hand in front of his face to make sure.
He began to grunt and his body would shake every now and then. He was having a bad dream and his open eyes began darting back and forth.
“Get out of my head…” He whispered it twice. “Fuck you…out of my head…Mine now…”
It was too much to take. I quietly slid off of the bed and backed my way out of the room. Just as I made it to my door, his eyes moved and focused on me. He was still asleep, but it was like his eyes were watching me just the same.
I walked downstairs. He continued to talk in his sleep for over an hour. I was pretty sure right then that I had to break it off, or at least really slow down. I just didn’t feel right. And to be honest, I was a little creeped out.
-
I was drinking my coffee in the kitchen and thinking about what I was going to say when something caught my eye. Casey’s pictures of our family on the fridge looked different.I got up and took a closer look. James had been changed in every picture. He didn’t have short hair anymore, it was full and he was also wearing glasses. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a terrible lump in my throat. I wondered what this man had said to my daughter to convince her to remove her father from the pictures. I was done.
A few minutes later, he came downstairs in a rush. He was wearing a black Flogging Molly t-shirt. James’ favorite shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“Good morning! I forgot to turn on the alarm! I’m going to be late for work!”
“Stephen, why are you wearing that shirt?”
“I found it in your closet.”
“But why are you wearing it?”
“Well in case you forgot, I ripped the one I was wearing last night.”
“That’s my husband’s shirt.”
“Oh come on, he’s not going to be wearing it anytime soon. I gotta go, I’ll see you after work.” He leaned in for a kiss, but I backed away. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t think this is going to work out.”
“What?”
“I think we need to take a break.”
“Over a t-shirt?”
“There’s…there’s a lot of things Stephen.”
“Are you being fucking serious with me right now?” His voice raised, something I had not yet experienced with him. Something in my head told me to back away from him, so I did. I backed right up against the counter within reach of my knives. It made me feel better.
“I think so.”
“But I don’t want to do that. Tell me what I did and I’ll fix it. I’ll take off the shirt. Katherine…please.” I looked right into his eyes. I thought maybe I was overreacting, but the pictures, messing with my daughter to erase her father, that was the breaking point.
“Please leave.”
The kindness in his face fell away to an ugliness that made me start to tremble. He noticed it. A smile slowly started to rise and it looked like he was going to take a step closer. I rested my hand on the counter behind me, inches from the knife block. He halted and stood still.
“Feivel!” My dog ran into the kitchen at the sound of my voice and looked back and forth between us. I could tell that he sensed the tension. Feivel walked over to my side and just looked back at Stephen without making a sound.
“Are you going to sick the dog on me? Are you crazy or something?”
“Stephen, I just want you to leave.”
“I thought I did everything right.” He let out a sigh. “I had all the answers. I know everything about you and I still can’t make it work. This cannot be my fault…it’s not…it’s your fault! Why are you doing this?!”
“Leave. Now.”
“Ok…I just…” He started laughing and looked down. He tapped my husband's shirt. “Well…shit… I tried to fuck Katherine, and all I got was this lousy tshirt…is that how this going to end?” He just stared at me. I wouldn’t answer him. “I don’t think so. You’re going to change your mind.” He turned and walked out of the door, slamming it behind him.
After he left, I locked all of the doors and called my mother. I told her what happened and not to take Casey to daycare. I told her that I would be able to pick her up in just a little bit. I called all my friends and let them know what happened. I basically wanted to hear other people tell me that Stephen was nuts and in the event that something happened to me, I wanted people to know where to look first.
I ripped all of Casey’s drawings off of the fridge and crumpled them up and threw them away.
I walked back upstairs to get dressed and I noticed other things.
I had only kept a few clothes that belonged to my husband and some of them were missing. I had a small jewelry box on the bathroom counter, and most of the rings and necklaces that James had given me were also missing. I walked through the house and began to notice random little things were missing here and there and the only thing they all had in common were that they were gifts given to me by James.
-
Before I picked up Casey at my mother’s, I called the police to see if anything could be done, even though I was pretty sure that I knew the answer. Other than being a creep and a thief, Stephen actually hadn’t done anything. There was nothing the police could do.
I took Casey to the park to explain to her why Stephen wouldn’t be around anymore. Feivel was sitting next to her in the backseat. I started by asking her about her drawings.
“I didn’t change them.”
“Casey, honey, I saw them this morning. They’re changed. You changed the way daddy looks.”
“But I didn’t mommy. I wouldn’t do that. Maybe Stephen did it.”
“You think Stephen took your crayons and changed your drawings?”
“Maybe. He thought he was going to be my new daddy anyway, so maybe he thought it was a good idea.”
“Wait. Who said he was going to be your new daddy?”
“He did. He said it lots.”
When we got to the park, I made sure Casey stayed right next to me. We started throwing the frisbee down by the river so Feivel could play in the water if he wanted. I asked her some more questions about Stephen and anything else he might have said to her. It didn’t sound like he had said much more.
We were about to leave when Casey started waving at something.
“Look Mommy, it’s Stephen!”
He was standing on the other side of the river, and he was waving back to us. He was wearing a button up shirt and a pair of jeans that both belonged to my husband. He was smiling at me.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you mad at Stephen or something?”
“Yes honey. I don’t think we’re going to be talking to Stephen anymore. I think he needs to go away.” I reached down and scooped up my daughter and began to walk back toward our car.
“We’re going home. Come on Feivel! Feivel?” My dog had been staring at Stephen and he still hadn’t moved. “Feivel, come!”
Stephen whistled and that was enough for Feivel. He jumped into the river and began swimming toward the other side. I called after him over and over, but he eventually made it to the other side and ran over to Stephen. He gave me one last wave before he reached down and clipped a leash onto Feivel’s collar. He turned around and started to walk away.
I ran back to the car and put Casey in her car seat as fast as I could and I drove to the parking lot on the other side of the river, but by the time I got there, he was gone with our dog.
-
I filled out a report with the police and tried to get a restraining order.
“Ok, so here’s the problem. You said his name was Stephen Tasavo?”
“That’s right.”
“Ok look. This is not going to make you feel any better, but this man doesn’t exist.”
“What?!”
“He gave you a false name, Miss. Couldn’t find anybody by that name fitting his description. You got him on social media anywhere? Does he have any friends?”
“I…I don’t know. I don’t have any of that crap. Social media I mean. I guess I just…never asked him about any of it. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months.”
“Well, from the pictures you took on your phone, we know what he looks like. We’re going to keep an eye out for him, whoever he is. I suggest you keep your doors locked and inform the people at your daughter’s school. If there’s anywhere else you can go, I don’t think that would be a bad idea.”
I went home that night anyway. Casey was a mess after Stephen took Feivel and I thought that it would be a mistake if I didn’t give her some sense of normalcy. I had four friends stay with me that night.
-
A month later I got a call from a number that I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
“Don’t hang up the phone Katherine. Feivel really wants to hear your voice.”
“You sick fuck! Give me back my dog!” He was quiet for a moment.
“I've got you on speaker and you’re saying nasty things like that. He can hear everything you’re saying. Can’t you?! Can’t you?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!”
“Stephen…I’ll do whatever you want…please just give him back to me.”
“Come on Katherine. I know you know that’s not my name.”
“What is your name?”
“You know, I thought I had to become someone else to be with you. But I don’t think so. I’m going to like you getting to know the real me.”
“Please just give me my dog.”
“I’m going to make you see that it was destiny that your husband died. I’m going to make you see that his death was what it took to bring us together.”
“You son of a bitch!”
“Anyway, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone.
I called the police, and after that night, I didn’t hear anything from Stephen for two months. Two months of looking over my shoulder. Two months of waiting.
I bought a gun. I kept it in the drawer of my bedside table. I wasn’t taking any chances.
-
I woke up with a start in the middle of the night and I heard the sound of muffled whining. I sat up in bed and looked around my bedroom before I grabbed the gun and got up. I walked to my window and noticed that it was slightly open. I looked down into the backyard.
Smoke was pouring out from underneath the closed lid on the grill. It looked like something was tied around the handles in order to keep it shut. I ran downstairs to the patio door. I opened it and held the gun in front of me. The smell of something burning was making me sick to my stomach. Something was crying out inside of the grill, frantically trying to get out. My heart sank as I realized that it was Feivel’s collar tied around the handle.
I screamed and grabbed the hose and turned it on. I lunged for the lid of the grill and I burned my hands as I tore away the collar from the handles.
I threw the top to the grill open and sprayed the hose inside. Feivel leapt out of the grill and down onto the brick patio. I soaked him with the hose. A belt had been tied around his muzzle. I ripped it off of his face and kept the water on him.
I turned to look back at the house. I didn’t want to leave him, but I realized that I had left my phone upstairs. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but then I had a hard time making any sound when I saw what was on the patio table. There was a bottle of whiskey on it with two glasses that had already been poured. There was a note on the table.
“It’s Friday Night! Time to BBQ!”
There was also something else on the table. A small fake rock. James and I had always kept it hidden amongst the other rocks in the backyard.It had a small compartment on the underside where we kept a spare key to our house. Stephen was in our house.
I looked back down to Feivel. I was left with the awful decision of having to leave my dog. He was gasping for air, but he was still alive. I had to get to Casey to make sure she was safe.
“Feivel, I’m sorry!” I left the hose laying across him and I ran back inside.
As I ran up the stairs, I saw that Casey’s door was closed and as I reached out for the knob, I heard a familiar noise coming from my room. The sound of a rocking chair. I cracked open Casey’s door and I could see that she was still asleep in her bed.
“Kaaaatheriiiiine…”
I closed the door and held the gun in front of me as I walked into my room.
The man I knew as Stephen was rocking in my husband's chair, wearing my husband’s clothes, and holding a house key that only myself and my husband knew about.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I raised the gun without saying a word. My hand was shaking. He was smiling and rocking back and forth. “You’re not going to shoot me.”
“Goodbye Stephen.” I pulled the trigger and nothing happened but a dry snap. I pulled the trigger again, but nothing happened.
“If you held that thing more often, you could probably tell that it’s just a little heavier when it has bullets in it.”
I lunged for my bedside table and pulled the drawer open. The small box of bullets was gone.
“I unloaded it while you were asleep.” He stood up. I ran for Casey’s door, but he caught me before I could open it. I felt his hand go over my mouth and he picked me up by my shoulders. I struggled as he carried me closer to the top of the stairs.
“I’ve watched you sleep for so many nights now, just wondering how I could get you back. But I think there might not be any saving of what we had.” He hit me across the face and threw me down the stairs.
I heard my ankles snap when I hit the floor, and I screamed. His footsteps were quiet as he started walking down the stairs.
“We could have had a life together. I really wanted that. I even put something on the grill, but then you went and ruined that too.”
“Mommy?!” Casey had run out of her bedroom and was at the top of the stairs looking down on us. Stephen was just a few steps away from me. I started to crawl along the floor toward the kitchen.
“Go back to your room Casey. You’re mother and I are fighting.”
“Casey! Get Mommy’s phone and call for help!” I screamed, as I pulled myself along the floor and into the kitchen. All I could think of was getting to the block of knives.
“Where do you think you're going off to? Wait, I know…”
Stephen ran around me and to the kitchen counter. He picked up the block of knives and spilled them on the floor. “Come and get ‘em Katherine.”
He walked back over and stood over me while I crawled toward the knives. He was laughing.
“To think, if someone hadn’t killed your husband, none of this would have happened.”
I tried to shut his voice out of my head as I crawled forward. I was getting closer.
“You know the person who hit him did actually stop for a moment…just a moment…he opened his car door and almost ran over to help, but then something stopped him. Did you know that?”
He’s lying Kathering. Keep moving.
“I was there. If I close my eyes, I can still see the whole thing. If that guy had helped instead of just driving away, maybe James would have survived and what I’ve had with you and Casey… all that would never have been.”
I was right in front of the pile of knives. I reached out and then he stomped on my hand. I felt bones break. He leaned down, grabbed me, and turned me over to look at him. He was crying.
“I still think it was destiny that brought us together, but I was wrong about you. You don’t have any place in our family. Me and Casey. I’m going to take her far away from here. She’s mine now.” Tears were pouring out of his eyes and he was trying to blink them away, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
“Son of a bitch! Stop it! Stop it!” He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “She’s mine now!”
I brought my knee up as hard as I could between his legs and he dropped me to the floor. He fell to his knees right next to me. I could hear sirens outside.
I reached out and grabbed the largest knife. I raised it over my head, but before I could swing it down, he grabbed my wrist and started to squeeze. I felt my grip start to loosen and I was afraid that I was going to drop the knife. He started to laugh as the sirens were getting closer.
“Looks like it’s time we get things over with.”
I felt his body slam against mine, and at first I had no idea what had happened, but then Stephen began to scream and I could hear Feivel growling behind him.
Feivel had managed to fit his jaws around the back of Stephen’s neck and buried his teeth to the gums. He was pulling Stephen away from me; blood poured down either side of his throat.
I tightened my grip on the knife and I pushed it into Stephen’s stomach over and over and over again. Feivel eventually let go of Stephen, and as I continued to plunge the knife into the mushy mess I had made, my dog limped over and started to whimper.
As Stephen lay there gasping for breath, I stared at his eyes. They were staring back at me and he was no longer weeping. I felt crazy, but his eyes looked kind. They looked happy.
-
“How are you feeling now?” I remember the detective had this perfect voice. A Paul Winfield voice. Had the things he was about to tell me weren’t so terrible, I would probably only remember how beautiful that voice was.
“I can’t walk, but they’ve got me so drugged up that I don’t mind very much. I’m going to be able to go home tomorrow. Or…to my mother’s at least.”
“How’s your daughter doing?”
“She’s good. She’s staying with my mother.”
“I hear that hero dog is going to pull through.”
I smiled. Tears started coming up thinking of Feivel sitting somewhere without me while he was going through all this.
“He’s not going to be a hundred percent, but he’s going to have a good life. He deserves it.”
“Ok. Now for the unpleasant stuff. We finally got some answers on who this guy is. Was, excuse me. His name is Joshua Linder. He’s been keeping a small apartment only a mile away from your house for the last three years. It looks like he’s been watching you the whole time. All kinds of things all over his apartment.”
“Did he kill James?”
“No. He couldn't have. Up until three years ago he lived across the country from you. Even then, there was no way he was driving the car that killed your husband. He was legally blind.”
“What?”
“Not completely blind, but may as well have been. That is his connection to you, and to your late husband I’m afraid.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You said he knew things he shouldn’t have right?”
“Yes.”
“Where the spare key was, um… certain things you shared with your late husband, correct?”
“That’s right.”
“Katherine, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. You are aware that your husband was an organ donor, were you not?”
“Yeah.”
“It seems that uh… Mr. Linder was the recipient of your husband’s corneas after your husband passed. Now how he found out about you, we have no idea. There’s some kind of phenomenon that’s called cellular memory that frankly I think is…”
He kept talking, but the only thing on my mind were Stephen’s eyes.
-
My little family of three moved far away from home. We now have a house next to my husband’s parents where Casey can get to know her father’s parents and Feivel can go on walks with me while I pull him in his wagon when he gets too tired. I try not to think too much of what happened, but I still have trouble sleeping.

A coworker has been hyper-focused on recreating a fast food-like milkshake. After speaking to him about his trials and errors, I believe he is missing the (god forgive me, I honestly can't think of a better word) viscosity. That kinda slimy, full mouthfeel? Creamy ropes with tiny ice crystals suspended evenly throughout? That thing.
We've tried really cheap ice cream, as well as "frozen dairy desserts" but I believe we need to buy something I think is called milkshake or dairy stabilizer...a mix of gums and carrageenan. Which brings me to my series of questions:
1) Where can I buy an amount suitable for home use? Is there another name for the additive?
2) Are there other things we could try?
3) How do I explain the desired mouthfeel in a less terrible way?
Thanks!

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the sound of a mourning dove. Even if you don't know the bird by name, you've probably heard its cries at dawn and at the cusp of dusk: coo-OOH, coo... coo... coo...
Many of my childhood memories seem to have these birds in the background, whistling an accompanying soundtrack. Whether it was playing outside with friends at the park, or just chilling in my own backyard. Hell, I couldn't even escape it when I went inside on a hot summer day. The open windows gave the doves an involuntary audience.
As a kid I found their cries slightly annoying. I didn't even know if it was a bird making those noises, as dumb as that may sound. I was around 13 when my cousin pointed out a spotted beige pigeon on the neighbor's window ledge, ruffling its feathers. "Look! A mourning dove," she alerted me. We watched with interest for about 5 seconds before the bird's chest expanded and contracted, letting out that same mournful cooing I had become so accustomed to. "Hm, so that's what they're called." I made a mental note.
Since I moved out for college, I haven't heard the doves' song as often. I mostly just hear car engines, loud music, and other urban noise pollution. Can't complain, urban centers often come with such nuisances. But I have found myself missing the sound of nature on more than one occasion.
This is why last night, when I was working on yet another past-due assignment, I stopped typing instantly when I heard the sound of a mourning dove. Now, it was already unusual that I was hearing a mourning dove, but at nighttime? It was way past midnight, around 2:30 AM. I stopped and just listened in my chair. The singing went on -- coo-OOH, coo... coo...
After making sure I wasn't going insane, I got up and cracked the blinds to my bedside window. There, on the ledge, was a mourning dove. It had a beautiful cream-colored coat with a few black spots towards its tail. It didn't seem startled that a human was staring at it through an inch of glass. I made sure not to make any sudden movements as I observed. It jerked its head all around in classic bird fashion, before repeating the chorus to its sorrowful song. I watched it for a minute or so, listening to it cycle the same melody over and over. That was when the panic set in that I'm STILL not done my report, which was due at midnight, and I closed the blinds and hurried back to my computer.
I began writing a sentence when I heard a loud scream from outside. I got up and ran to the blinds again, yanking on the chain and letting the blinds fly upwards. The mourning dove was completely turned around, facing me through the window. In place of its little black peepers were bloodshot human eyes. It was staring back at me, completely still with pupils constricted. No cooing, nothing. I stood in shock, locking eyes with this dove while frozen in terror.
It felt like forever before the dove finally turned around and flew off into the night sky, at which point I dropped the blinds and speedwalked to the kitchen for some water. I paced back and forth taking sips of my water every few strides. What the hell was I just witness to? Though my heart was thumping like mad, I eventually rationalized that I was hearing and seeing things due to lack of sleep. I mustered up the courage to go back to my room and, keeping my gaze on the window, sat down slowly and began to type. After a paragraph or so of writing, I had returned to my state of flow and was solely focused on my paper.
Until I heard the cooing again. I looked at the desktop clock: 2:57 AM. What in the actual fuck. Jittering, I stood up slowly and walked over to the window. I used my fingers to split two blinds apart slowly, before stumbling back onto my ass. The dove was right up against the glass, looking at me with bloodshot eyes and baring a sharpened set of human-like teeth in its beak. I sat on the floor, staring at the exact spot in the blinds where I cracked them. "There's no way... this is not real, this CANNOT be real," I tried to convince myself.
I kept muttering to myself trying to get a grip, but I couldn't. I knew this was more than just drowsiness at this point. After a minute on the floor in total silence, I stood up and creeped to the bedroom door. I went out into my living room and just laid down on the couch, racking my brain for any logical explanation as to what I just experienced -- a fruitless endeavor. If anything, I went to bed more terrified of all the ways in which this dove was violating what I knew to be real.
I couldn't sleep all night, but I didn't have class in the morning. I lay there, thankfully not hearing any more sounds whatsoever, until about 7 AM. My eyes had grown so accustomed to staring at the dark ceiling that I noticed the sun bleeding its light in through the nearby kitchen window. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom to take a much-needed piss, and then walked back out. Before I could traverse the hallway to get back to the living room, the cooing started. Again.
At this point I pulled out my phone and opened up the keypad. I scrambled to enter 9-1-1 before catching myself. How the hell do I tell the cops that a fucking pigeon is threatening me? As the cooing went on, I put my phone back in my pocket and just listened. I was not going to make the same mistake that I had made last night: who knew how many more jump scares my body could take before shutting down on me?
I slowly sat back down on the couch, listening to the cooing. By this point my eyelids felt like they had weights attached to them, and I listened for a good few minutes before shutting my eyes for good. That is when the cooing turned into inhumane, rapid-fire shrieks: "CoO! COO! COo! COO! COO!"
It sounded like a dying man who just got into a car accident attempting to imitate a bird. The adrenaline got the better of me and I ran to the kitchen window at full speed before yanking the blinds up. There was an extremely skinny naked man dotted with beige feathers hanging off the ledge at my window, 15 stories up from the ground. His pupils were dilating and constricting back and forth in tandem with his cries. He locked eyes with me and started cooing louder before raising one of his arms to bang on the window. But his arm wasn't a human appendage -- his fingers spread out into long, thin bones that were bare at the end where his skin had ceased to cover them. His mouth was extremely malformed; his lips were torn off and in their place were solid extensions jutting out from the underlying bone. His tongue was long and his teeth were stained dark with what seemed to be blood. He started to peck at the window using his monstrous deformation of a mouth, keeping his eyes locked with mine the entire time. His neck inhumanely snapped back and forth to help him accomplish his goal. I didn't even move -- by this point I might as well have been looking through him due to the shock.
A loud shriek snapped me out of my trance as I looked down and watched the falling man get smaller and smaller. He fell straight into the bushes near the base of the building, and everything went dead quiet. I wouldn't stop staring at the bush for a good 5-6 minutes straight, making sure nothing crawled out of there. Regaining what little composure I could, I eventually shifted my attention to the several cracks in the glass, along with the micro stains of blood where his beak made contact.
At this point I ran hastily to my neighbor, knocking hard on the door. After no response, I called him, and he eventually opened the door in a groggy, half-awake state. I gave him a 20-second rundown of the insanity that just took place and convinced him to come back with me to my apartment to corroborate my story.
The window was flawless when we returned. Hell, it looked cleaner than it did before that whole fiasco went down. My neighbor told me to lay off the drinks or whatever else I was using as he stumbled out of my apartment, grumpy that I woke him up.
I woke him up? Did that fucking thing shrieking and banging on my window not make any noise? Where the hell did the cracks and blood in the window go? After a good hour of pointless deliberation, my body had had enough, and I KO'd on the living room couch. I woke up at around 5 PM earlier today, and the whole thing felt like a fever dream. I ordered some takeout and tossed Seinfeld on the TV, forgetting about what had happened mere hours prior.
That is, until I heard a mournful cooing coming from my bedroom window. It's now 9 PM and the cooing has been constant for the past 3 hours. I've become strangely used to it at this point, but I reckon that's just the shock and denial in me taking over. I'm looking for another place as I write this.

My first clue should have been how I felt the second I stepped through the front door yesterday morning.
The house was empty, I knew it was empty. It had to be empty. There were no signs of broken windows. The door was locked, and nobody else had a key. So why, why the hell did I feel like someone else was there?
This isn't my house, let's be clear. It's an old, listed building, all creaky floorboards and drafty windows. I'm just its lowly caretaker until the funds can be raised to adequately restore it.
Which, unfortunately for me, means that every other week I have to inspect every single one of its huge rooms, with shadows so thick that no amount of sunlight through the sizeable windows can penetrate. I have to make sure there's no damages, no break-ins, no squatters or graffiti. Everyone knows that the place is uninhabited, it's a sitting duck.
And just this morning, I locked myself in the building. Alone. With the sneaking suspicion that someone - or something - was in there with me. The wood that groaned beneath my feet with every step did nothing to dissuade my paranoia.
Even though it was still daylight, I switched on my phone's torch. Just in case… I don't know, in case something had a deadly fear of phone lights.
It didn't help.
The ground floor seemed… fine. Nothing out of place. No extra trails through the dust lying thick on the floor that would indicate the presence of an intruder.
Checking on this place has been part of my job for over a year now. I take the same route every single inspection, and know the items in every space like the back of my hand.
Which is why, when I eventually completed my circuit of the ground floor and climbed the steep staircase to the next floor - careful to step lightly so any noise was reduced to the absolute minimum - I knew something was wrong.
Something pale and withered lay before me, right in the middle of my path. As if someone had placed it specifically for me to find. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest, roaring in my ears as I stood stock still, just looking at it. I was reluctant to get any closer, of course - but this is what I get paid for.
I could have called for backup, fetched someone to join me in checking the rest of the building, waited outside for them to get here. But I had that pervasive worry of… what if it was nothing? Just a scrap of plaster fallen from the ceiling? A lost page from a newspaper scattered in with the wind?
Somehow not making a fool of myself in front of my colleagues (god forbid being reported to one of my higher ups) ranked higher in my list of priorities than any kind of self-preservation.
I had to take a closer look. I had to.
The entire house seemed to fall silent as I took one step closer, then another. If anything, the silence was actually worse than the ambient complaints usually uttered by the old building. It felt like it was holding its breath.
I couldn't bring myself to touch it. I'm not that brave. But as I lent in over it to take a closer look, nausea washed over me as I realised what it was. Pale, dried out, flesh. Skin.
As I recoiled from the offending scrap I noticed something else. Another scrap. In a pool of shadows just before the first doorway along the corridor.
But this one looked long.
The repulsion I felt is overwhelming, but somehow that was not the part of me that won out in that moment. It was one tiny, morbid dash of curiosity that drove me to examine it, despite the shaking that had overwhelmed every one of my senses.
Despite every inch of my body screaming to flee, I continued walking.
That hallway has next to no natural light, so little that even the torch of my phone couldn't find its end in the gloom.
That was the moment when it would have been wise to phone it in. Take a photo and run. Let someone who gets paid more take care of it – whatever it is.
I took another step.
I was correct, it seems, in my observation that it seemed long. This scrap is more of a strip. Electricity jangled through my spine, through every bone in my body as I began to follow the impossibly long length of puckered, pale, skin.
I convinced myself that following it was better than looking too closely at it. At the wispy bits of some thread-like substance that seemed to be embedded in it. About halfway down the hallway, it began to curl.
It curled so much that it crossed over itself and snaked out of sight through a doorway. Through a gap between the frame and the door itself, the door that should have been closed.
And then I noticed it shift. Not the door, the skin. Just slightly, barely perceptible. But it moved.
I don't know what possessed me to push the door open. To raise my phone in my shaky hand and survey what lay within the long abandoned nursery of this grand old home.
At the pulsating, violently red flesh – inner flesh – of the creature that was still laboriously peeling off what remained of its own skin.
I don't remember making any noise, but maybe the door creaked as I opened it, because the thing turned and looked at me. With beady black eyes and a smile that was too wide, far too wide, permanently stitched into a face that had no other features.
Every time I close my eyes, I am once more frozen in place as it begins to split, vertically, where its skin has already been removed, showing blunt, yellowed teeth all of mismatched sizes. All the way down.
From within its mangled form, a single word seemed to emerge. A cacophony of dripping gore squelching one sound, insistently. Maybe I imagined it, a last gasp of madness before I fled.
I don't think I locked the door behind me as I left, but I don't care. I'm not even sure if it matters - I have no idea how it got in there, and I can only hope it doesn't get out.
I'm not going to check, either way. I'm not even going back there next week, they can fire me if they want. I've already put in a request to change location - maybe they won't notice that I've stopped turning up for long enough for my post to be transferred. If not, I'm handing in my notice.
Maybe I should lose the keys. Maybe I should throw a brick through the window and report that, so someone will go check. Maybe I should tell the truth and warn the higher ups, or at least whoever they get to replace me. I should try, even if they just think I'm trying to haze them.
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what it was, or how it got there, or why it was peeling itself. And I… don't know how it knew the garbled, groaning word that emerged from its maw - and I'll never be able to stop hearing it. Much as I want to believe I misheard it, I know what I heard.
I don't know how it knew my name.

“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Kaaaaatheriiiine…”
“Shut up.” I had been awake for a little while, just staring at the wall.
“I knew it.”
“Can you not sleep?” I rolled over and looked at him as I asked the question.
James was in his rocking chair in the corner of our bedroom right next to the window. The moon outside was illuminating his face.
“I’m ok. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?” I did my best to sit up. I was almost at my due date and I was enormous. During the pregnancy I wasn’t quite as sensitive to his little issues that I normally was.
James suffered from severe bouts of anxiety and he would spend lots of nights just rocking in his chair, trying not to worry about things.
“I think we should get a dog.”
“What?”
“We should get a dog. Every kid should grow up with a dog.” He turned his head to look at me. Most of his face was in shadow, but his eyes were bright. He smiled at me.
“Ok. Is that it? That’s what’s keeping you up?”
“Yes. Oh, and I also love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And I farted.” I had never known James to end anything on any kind of sappy note, so he always had to say or do something childish to ruin the moment.
I loved him so much.
-
“He’s kind of gross.” There were so many dogs at the shelter, but my husband immediately went to the mangiest one. A large mutt with his tongue hanging limply out of the side of his mouth. The mousey brown fur looked like someone had teased it with a brush and sealed the deal with an entire can of hairspray, and he had a slight limp as it walked toward this strange new man making baby talk. I watched the dog cock its head from side to side like it understood what James was saying.
“He’s perfect.” I could tell that James was in love.
“Why him?”
“Well…every other little guy in here is so animated and vibrant. He’s…um…not.”
“He looks like an oversized mouse with bad hair.”
“That’s perfect!”
“What?”
“We can name him Feivel! Does Feivel like that name?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!” The dog started making inquisitive whines and that lazy tongue came to life and began to lick the strange man's fingers through the chain link fence.
Feivel came home with us, and for a month that dog never left my husband’s side.
-
“What happened?”
“Can you put me on speaker so Art can hear me?”
“Ok. You’re scaring me Katherine.” I was trying to hold it together. James’ parents had recently moved to the east coast, so I had no choice but to call them on the phone with the news. “Ok, you’re on speaker.”
“Ok. James… um… James had an accident. It was a hit and run. Someone hit him with a car while he was crossing the street and then just kept driving.”
“Oh my God! Is he alright?”
“He’s um…” I had been with James since our sophomore year in high school, but we had been friends since we were six. I had known his parents for almost just as long.
“He’s…he’s gone.”
“Oh my God…”
I had to make lots of phone calls that day. It was the hardest day of my life.
-
“Mommy needs to talk to you.”
Feivel had been pacing the house for three days. When he wasn’t pacing, he would just sit at the front door waiting for James to come home. He wouldn't sit with me, almost like he blamed me for James not being there.
“Come here. Feivel! Come here.” He finally gave in and walked over to the couch. I patted the cushion next to me and he jumped on the couch and sat down.
He grunted at me several times and when he was done voicing his frustrations, his tongue jutted out of the side of his mouth and just hung there.
I don’t know if it sounds stupid or not, but I had a conversation with him about what had happened to his Daddy and why he wasn’t with us anymore. I felt like it would have been cruel not to.
He stared at me through the whole story and when I was finished, there was a heavy silence between us that was eventually broken by a small cry from him before he put his head in my lap.
-
Three weeks later, I had Casey. The birth was rough and there were multiple issues. For a little bit there, I was afraid that I might lose her too. She had to stay in the hospital longer than I would have liked, but when I was finally able to bring her home, Feivel took to her instantly.
He was always next to her.
-
As the years went by, I made sure Casey knew every detail about her father. I would tell her stories and Feivel would always add something in his own language. I don’t know if he was backing up what I said or perhaps contradicting it, but I do know he was always happy to be included in the reminiscing.
Shortly after she turned four, Casey’s favorite pastime was drawing with her crayons. I had quite a few pictures up on our fridge of our little family in the midst of imagined adventures. She always drew James in with us. The way she always emphasized his balding head would make me smile.
I would BBQ on Friday nights because James had always done the same.
When we first moved in, he had built a huge grilling station out of brick and bought this ridiculously large grill that could almost fit an entire cow inside of it. James had said we would need it for the amount of children and grandchildren that we were going to have. We would sit in front of it every Friday night with a bottle of whiskey while he cooked.
Casey and I would sit at the same table and have juice while we made hot dogs. I thought it was important to keep some of our traditions alive for Casey.
In spite of losing James, we were happy. I started to adjust to a life without a partner, which was not a very easy thing to do since we had been a part of each other’s lives since we were both six years old.
-
Almost five years after I lost James, I met Stephen. I was a busy woman with a young daughter and up to that point, I had not even thought about dating. There was something different about Stephen though. I was interested in him from the first time we met.
Casey and I were playing in the park with Feivel one day and somehow we lost him. He just vanished. I looked for him for hours while my mom watched Casey, but I couldn’t find him. For three days I was beside myself and Casey was constantly in tears. Then, Stephen showed up on my doorstep holding our Feivel at the end of a leash.
A tall man with thick hair and trendy glasses wearing a flannel and jeans.
“Oh my God!”
“Hi. I uh…found him in the park down by the river.” I snatched him up and he started whimpering and shaking his butt back and forth. I completely ignored the man at my door. When Feivel had had enough of my pets, he ran inside to look for Casey.
“Thank you so much. Oh my God, you have no idea how much we missed him.” I was wiping tears from my eyes.
“Oh, I might have a clue.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
As I was wiping my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, I realized that the man standing at my door was gorgeous.
“Can I…let me give you some money or something. You have no idea how happy you just made my daughter.”
“No, that's ok. Just happy to help.”
“Thank you.”
There was something about the way he looked at me with his eyes. My stomach fluttered. I wanted to invite him in, and the fact that I wanted to do that upset me.
I thanked him. I didn’t even ask him for his name. I’ll admit that I even closed the door on him a little more abruptly than I meant to.
All three of us shared my bed that night. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in years.
-
A couple weeks went by and then I saw him again, the man who had found Feivel. He was sitting in the park with his back against a tree, reading a book. Casey and I had been taking turns throwing a frisbee for Feivel, and I saw him out of the corner of my eye. I decided that I would thank him again and apologize for being so awkward.
As I walked closer, I took in every detail. I was sure he was a few years younger than I was and he looked very athletic. His glasses rested on the tip of his nose as he read from The Winter of Our Discontent; Steinbeck has always been my favorite author.
Feivel must have seen him just as I was about to say something because he reached the man before I did. I could hear Casey calling for me.
“Hold on honey. Give me a second.”
Feivel was all over the man and he was laughing at the writhing whining beast who was trying its best to lick every inch of his face.
“Feivel, don’t be rude.”
“No, it's fine. I’m glad he remembers me.”
“Yeah. Wow, he really remembers you.” Feivel was so excited that he started to whimper and expose his tummy. “Feivel! Have some self respect!”
The man stood up next to me. My stomach was fluttering again and I could not stop looking at his eyes.
“Hey, I have to apologize about…uh the way I kinda shut my door in your face.” He laughed.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Mommy?” Casey had run up behind me and was partially hiding herself behind my leg while she stared at the man. “Mommy?”
“This is my daughter Casey.”
“Hello Casey.”
“Hello.”
“My name’s Stephen.” Casey stayed behind my leg.
“It’s ok honey. Tell him your name.”
“I’m Casey and this is my mom. Her name is Katherine.”
“Well…you’re a very pretty girl and it’s very nice to meet you.” I noticed that his eyes started to tear up while he was looking at my Casey. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. He was clearly embarrassed. “I’m sorry. She just… reminds me of my niece. We lost her a few years ago.”
We talked for a while that day. Every time he looked over at Casey, I swore that he was on the verge of tears.
-
It didn’t take very long at all; I was hooked. Feivel was hooked. Eventually, even Casey was hooked.
I tried to take it slow. I didn’t want to date anyone. I wasn’t over James and I knew it, but I just wanted to be around this man and I honestly could not explain what it was at the time. I always wanted him at the house, so he was there all the time. I loved it when he looked at me.
For the most part, he was great, but there were some things that were off. There were things I should have paid more attention to, but again, there was something about him that made me feel like I needed him.
He would kiss me with his eyes open every time, and even though the way he kissed me was great, something about it still gave me the creeps. I would crack my eyes open sometimes in the hopes that he had stopped doing it. Every time I saw those eyes staring back at me, I felt uneasy. I had only ever been with James, so I thought maybe some guys just did that, even though all of my friends thought it was weird too.
He also did things when he would come over that would raise the hairs on the back of my neck. Maybe that description is a little too harsh for what I was thinking at the time, but it fits now.
He would move things around the house. The toilet paper would be folded in that terrible triangle every time. James used to do that. He would also randomly adjust my coffee cups in the cabinet so the handles all faced the same way. Again, something my James used to do.
I had no idea what he did for a living, he told me he was in construction, but I had no idea who he worked for. He had never invited me over to his house, nor did he ever talk about his family.
My friends told me that I needed to relax and just enjoy myself. I admit, for the most part he seemed like the almost perfect guy. It was almost like he knew everything about me.
-
It was three months before he stayed overnight. I had Casey stay over at my mother’s house because it didn’t feel right to have her there.
We tried to be intimate, but I felt dirty. He said it was fine. He stayed anyway.
In the middle of the night I rolled over and cracked my eyes open. He was in the rocking chair in the corner. The moon was illuminating his eyes while he looked out the window. I thought I was dreaming for a minute.
“I know you’re awake…Katherine…Katherine?”
I didn’t say anything. I pretended to sleep. He turned his face to me and smiled. His eyes were so wide and bright.
“Katherine?”
I never went back to sleep that night. I just laid there for a while going back and forth from feeling like I was betraying my husband to feeling like I was an idiot who should just enjoy having a relationship with someone.
Around four in the morning, I had finally begun to drift off to sleep, but Stephen started making noises.
I rolled over and realized that his eyes were wide open. I was going to say something, but he was asleep. I waved my hand in front of his face to make sure.
He began to grunt and his body would shake every now and then. He was having a bad dream and his open eyes began darting back and forth.
“Get out of my head…” He whispered it twice. “Fuck you…out of my head…Mine now…”
It was too much to take. I quietly slid off of the bed and backed my way out of the room. Just as I made it to my door, his eyes moved and focused on me. He was still asleep, but it was like his eyes were watching me just the same.
I walked downstairs. He continued to talk in his sleep for over an hour. I was pretty sure right then that I had to break it off, or at least really slow down. I just didn’t feel right. And to be honest, I was a little creeped out.
-
I was drinking my coffee in the kitchen and thinking about what I was going to say when something caught my eye. Casey’s pictures of our family on the fridge looked different.I got up and took a closer look. James had been changed in every picture. He didn’t have short hair anymore, it was full and he was also wearing glasses. My heart skipped a beat and I felt a terrible lump in my throat. I wondered what this man had said to my daughter to convince her to remove her father from the pictures. I was done.
A few minutes later, he came downstairs in a rush. He was wearing a black Flogging Molly t-shirt. James’ favorite shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“Good morning! I forgot to turn on the alarm! I’m going to be late for work!”
“Stephen, why are you wearing that shirt?”
“I found it in your closet.”
“But why are you wearing it?”
“Well in case you forgot, I ripped the one I was wearing last night.”
“That’s my husband’s shirt.”
“Oh come on, he’s not going to be wearing it anytime soon. I gotta go, I’ll see you after work.” He leaned in for a kiss, but I backed away. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t think this is going to work out.”
“What?”
“I think we need to take a break.”
“Over a t-shirt?”
“There’s…there’s a lot of things Stephen.”
“Are you being fucking serious with me right now?” His voice raised, something I had not yet experienced with him. Something in my head told me to back away from him, so I did. I backed right up against the counter within reach of my knives. It made me feel better.
“I think so.”
“But I don’t want to do that. Tell me what I did and I’ll fix it. I’ll take off the shirt. Katherine…please.” I looked right into his eyes. I thought maybe I was overreacting, but the pictures, messing with my daughter to erase her father, that was the breaking point.
“Please leave.”
The kindness in his face fell away to an ugliness that made me start to tremble. He noticed it. A smile slowly started to rise and it looked like he was going to take a step closer. I rested my hand on the counter behind me, inches from the knife block. He halted and stood still.
“Feivel!” My dog ran into the kitchen at the sound of my voice and looked back and forth between us. I could tell that he sensed the tension. Feivel walked over to my side and just looked back at Stephen without making a sound.
“Are you going to sick the dog on me? Are you crazy or something?”
“Stephen, I just want you to leave.”
“I thought I did everything right.” He let out a sigh. “I had all the answers. I know everything about you and I still can’t make it work. This cannot be my fault…it’s not…it’s your fault! Why are you doing this?!”
“Leave. Now.”
“Ok…I just…” He started laughing and looked down. He tapped my husband's shirt. “Well…shit… I tried to fuck Katherine, and all I got was this lousy tshirt…is that how this going to end?” He just stared at me. I wouldn’t answer him. “I don’t think so. You’re going to change your mind.” He turned and walked out of the door, slamming it behind him.
After he left, I locked all of the doors and called my mother. I told her what happened and not to take Casey to daycare. I told her that I would be able to pick her up in just a little bit. I called all my friends and let them know what happened. I basically wanted to hear other people tell me that Stephen was nuts and in the event that something happened to me, I wanted people to know where to look first.
I ripped all of Casey’s drawings off of the fridge and crumpled them up and threw them away.
I walked back upstairs to get dressed and I noticed other things.
I had only kept a few clothes that belonged to my husband and some of them were missing. I had a small jewelry box on the bathroom counter, and most of the rings and necklaces that James had given me were also missing. I walked through the house and began to notice random little things were missing here and there and the only thing they all had in common were that they were gifts given to me by James.
-
Before I picked up Casey at my mother’s, I called the police to see if anything could be done, even though I was pretty sure that I knew the answer. Other than being a creep and a thief, Stephen actually hadn’t done anything. There was nothing the police could do.
I took Casey to the park to explain to her why Stephen wouldn’t be around anymore. Feivel was sitting next to her in the backseat. I started by asking her about her drawings.
“I didn’t change them.”
“Casey, honey, I saw them this morning. They’re changed. You changed the way daddy looks.”
“But I didn’t mommy. I wouldn’t do that. Maybe Stephen did it.”
“You think Stephen took your crayons and changed your drawings?”
“Maybe. He thought he was going to be my new daddy anyway, so maybe he thought it was a good idea.”
“Wait. Who said he was going to be your new daddy?”
“He did. He said it lots.”
When we got to the park, I made sure Casey stayed right next to me. We started throwing the frisbee down by the river so Feivel could play in the water if he wanted. I asked her some more questions about Stephen and anything else he might have said to her. It didn’t sound like he had said much more.
We were about to leave when Casey started waving at something.
“Look Mommy, it’s Stephen!”
He was standing on the other side of the river, and he was waving back to us. He was wearing a button up shirt and a pair of jeans that both belonged to my husband. He was smiling at me.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Are you mad at Stephen or something?”
“Yes honey. I don’t think we’re going to be talking to Stephen anymore. I think he needs to go away.” I reached down and scooped up my daughter and began to walk back toward our car.
“We’re going home. Come on Feivel! Feivel?” My dog had been staring at Stephen and he still hadn’t moved. “Feivel, come!”
Stephen whistled and that was enough for Feivel. He jumped into the river and began swimming toward the other side. I called after him over and over, but he eventually made it to the other side and ran over to Stephen. He gave me one last wave before he reached down and clipped a leash onto Feivel’s collar. He turned around and started to walk away.
I ran back to the car and put Casey in her car seat as fast as I could and I drove to the parking lot on the other side of the river, but by the time I got there, he was gone with our dog.
-
I filled out a report with the police and tried to get a restraining order.
“Ok, so here’s the problem. You said his name was Stephen Tasavo?”
“That’s right.”
“Ok look. This is not going to make you feel any better, but this man doesn’t exist.”
“What?!”
“He gave you a false name, Miss. Couldn’t find anybody by that name fitting his description. You got him on social media anywhere? Does he have any friends?”
“I…I don’t know. I don’t have any of that crap. Social media I mean. I guess I just…never asked him about any of it. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few months.”
“Well, from the pictures you took on your phone, we know what he looks like. We’re going to keep an eye out for him, whoever he is. I suggest you keep your doors locked and inform the people at your daughter’s school. If there’s anywhere else you can go, I don’t think that would be a bad idea.”
I went home that night anyway. Casey was a mess after Stephen took Feivel and I thought that it would be a mistake if I didn’t give her some sense of normalcy. I had four friends stay with me that night.
-
A month later I got a call from a number that I didn’t recognize.
“Hello?”
“Don’t hang up the phone Katherine. Feivel really wants to hear your voice.”
“You sick fuck! Give me back my dog!” He was quiet for a moment.
“I've got you on speaker and you’re saying nasty things like that. He can hear everything you’re saying. Can’t you?! Can’t you?! Who’s a bugaboo doggie?! Who’s da doggie?!”
“Stephen…I’ll do whatever you want…please just give him back to me.”
“Come on Katherine. I know you know that’s not my name.”
“What is your name?”
“You know, I thought I had to become someone else to be with you. But I don’t think so. I’m going to like you getting to know the real me.”
“Please just give me my dog.”
“I’m going to make you see that it was destiny that your husband died. I’m going to make you see that his death was what it took to bring us together.”
“You son of a bitch!”
“Anyway, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up the phone.
I called the police, and after that night, I didn’t hear anything from Stephen for two months. Two months of looking over my shoulder. Two months of waiting.
I bought a gun. I kept it in the drawer of my bedside table. I wasn’t taking any chances.
-
I woke up with a start in the middle of the night and I heard the sound of muffled whining. I sat up in bed and looked around my bedroom before I grabbed the gun and got up. I walked to my window and noticed that it was slightly open. I looked down into the backyard.
Smoke was pouring out from underneath the closed lid on the grill. It looked like something was tied around the handles in order to keep it shut. I ran downstairs to the patio door. I opened it and held the gun in front of me. The smell of something burning was making me sick to my stomach. Something was crying out inside of the grill, frantically trying to get out. My heart sank as I realized that it was Feivel’s collar tied around the handle.
I screamed and grabbed the hose and turned it on. I lunged for the lid of the grill and I burned my hands as I tore away the collar from the handles.
I threw the top to the grill open and sprayed the hose inside. Feivel leapt out of the grill and down onto the brick patio. I soaked him with the hose. A belt had been tied around his muzzle. I ripped it off of his face and kept the water on him.
I turned to look back at the house. I didn’t want to leave him, but I realized that I had left my phone upstairs. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but then I had a hard time making any sound when I saw what was on the patio table. There was a bottle of whiskey on it with two glasses that had already been poured. There was a note on the table.
“It’s Friday Night! Time to BBQ!”
There was also something else on the table. A small fake rock. James and I had always kept it hidden amongst the other rocks in the backyard.It had a small compartment on the underside where we kept a spare key to our house. Stephen was in our house.
I looked back down to Feivel. I was left with the awful decision of having to leave my dog. He was gasping for air, but he was still alive. I had to get to Casey to make sure she was safe.
“Feivel, I’m sorry!” I left the hose laying across him and I ran back inside.
As I ran up the stairs, I saw that Casey’s door was closed and as I reached out for the knob, I heard a familiar noise coming from my room. The sound of a rocking chair. I cracked open Casey’s door and I could see that she was still asleep in her bed.
“Kaaaatheriiiiine…”
I closed the door and held the gun in front of me as I walked into my room.
The man I knew as Stephen was rocking in my husband's chair, wearing my husband’s clothes, and holding a house key that only myself and my husband knew about.
“I’ve missed you so much.” I raised the gun without saying a word. My hand was shaking. He was smiling and rocking back and forth. “You’re not going to shoot me.”
“Goodbye Stephen.” I pulled the trigger and nothing happened but a dry snap. I pulled the trigger again, but nothing happened.
“If you held that thing more often, you could probably tell that it’s just a little heavier when it has bullets in it.”
I lunged for my bedside table and pulled the drawer open. The small box of bullets was gone.
“I unloaded it while you were asleep.” He stood up. I ran for Casey’s door, but he caught me before I could open it. I felt his hand go over my mouth and he picked me up by my shoulders. I struggled as he carried me closer to the top of the stairs.
“I’ve watched you sleep for so many nights now, just wondering how I could get you back. But I think there might not be any saving of what we had.” He hit me across the face and threw me down the stairs.
I heard my ankles snap when I hit the floor, and I screamed. His footsteps were quiet as he started walking down the stairs.
“We could have had a life together. I really wanted that. I even put something on the grill, but then you went and ruined that too.”
“Mommy?!” Casey had run out of her bedroom and was at the top of the stairs looking down on us. Stephen was just a few steps away from me. I started to crawl along the floor toward the kitchen.
“Go back to your room Casey. You’re mother and I are fighting.”
“Casey! Get Mommy’s phone and call for help!” I screamed, as I pulled myself along the floor and into the kitchen. All I could think of was getting to the block of knives.
“Where do you think you're going off to? Wait, I know…”
Stephen ran around me and to the kitchen counter. He picked up the block of knives and spilled them on the floor. “Come and get ‘em Katherine.”
He walked back over and stood over me while I crawled toward the knives. He was laughing.
“To think, if someone hadn’t killed your husband, none of this would have happened.”
I tried to shut his voice out of my head as I crawled forward. I was getting closer.
“You know the person who hit him did actually stop for a moment…just a moment…he opened his car door and almost ran over to help, but then something stopped him. Did you know that?”
He’s lying Kathering. Keep moving.
“I was there. If I close my eyes, I can still see the whole thing. If that guy had helped instead of just driving away, maybe James would have survived and what I’ve had with you and Casey… all that would never have been.”
I was right in front of the pile of knives. I reached out and then he stomped on my hand. I felt bones break. He leaned down, grabbed me, and turned me over to look at him. He was crying.
“I still think it was destiny that brought us together, but I was wrong about you. You don’t have any place in our family. Me and Casey. I’m going to take her far away from here. She’s mine now.” Tears were pouring out of his eyes and he was trying to blink them away, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
“Son of a bitch! Stop it! Stop it!” He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “She’s mine now!”
I brought my knee up as hard as I could between his legs and he dropped me to the floor. He fell to his knees right next to me. I could hear sirens outside.
I reached out and grabbed the largest knife. I raised it over my head, but before I could swing it down, he grabbed my wrist and started to squeeze. I felt my grip start to loosen and I was afraid that I was going to drop the knife. He started to laugh as the sirens were getting closer.
“Looks like it’s time we get things over with.”
I felt his body slam against mine, and at first I had no idea what had happened, but then Stephen began to scream and I could hear Feivel growling behind him.
Feivel had managed to fit his jaws around the back of Stephen’s neck and buried his teeth to the gums. He was pulling Stephen away from me; blood poured down either side of his throat.
I tightened my grip on the knife and I pushed it into Stephen’s stomach over and over and over again. Feivel eventually let go of Stephen, and as I continued to plunge the knife into the mushy mess I had made, my dog limped over and started to whimper.
As Stephen lay there gasping for breath, I stared at his eyes. They were staring back at me and he was no longer weeping. I felt crazy, but his eyes looked kind. They looked happy.
-
“How are you feeling now?” I remember the detective had this perfect voice. A Paul Winfield voice. Had the things he was about to tell me weren’t so terrible, I would probably only remember how beautiful that voice was.
“I can’t walk, but they’ve got me so drugged up that I don’t mind very much. I’m going to be able to go home tomorrow. Or…to my mother’s at least.”
“How’s your daughter doing?”
“She’s good. She’s staying with my mother.”
“I hear that hero dog is going to pull through.”
I smiled. Tears started coming up thinking of Feivel sitting somewhere without me while he was going through all this.
“He’s not going to be a hundred percent, but he’s going to have a good life. He deserves it.”
“Ok. Now for the unpleasant stuff. We finally got some answers on who this guy is. Was, excuse me. His name is Joshua Linder. He’s been keeping a small apartment only a mile away from your house for the last three years. It looks like he’s been watching you the whole time. All kinds of things all over his apartment.”
“Did he kill James?”
“No. He couldn't have. Up until three years ago he lived across the country from you. Even then, there was no way he was driving the car that killed your husband. He was legally blind.”
“What?”
“Not completely blind, but may as well have been. That is his connection to you, and to your late husband I’m afraid.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You said he knew things he shouldn’t have right?”
“Yes.”
“Where the spare key was, um… certain things you shared with your late husband, correct?”
“That’s right.”
“Katherine, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. You are aware that your husband was an organ donor, were you not?”
“Yeah.”
“It seems that uh… Mr. Linder was the recipient of your husband’s corneas after your husband passed. Now how he found out about you, we have no idea. There’s some kind of phenomenon that’s called cellular memory that frankly I think is…”
He kept talking, but the only thing on my mind were Stephen’s eyes.
-
My little family of three moved far away from home. We now have a house next to my husband’s parents where Casey can get to know her father’s parents and Feivel can go on walks with me while I pull him in his wagon when he gets too tired. I try not to think too much of what happened, but I still have trouble sleeping.

I am currently working on a fiction mystery and am trying to make it as realistic as possible. In doing so, I have come across many situations where I realize I have no real clue on police policies or chain of command. For example, in one chapter a sheriff becomes aware that several people are missing in the area.. Well, what does he do next? Who would he report to? These are the kinds of questions, that I need answers for. I want my story to hold real substance & credibility with mystery lovers such as myself. If anyone has any idea where I can find this information, I would be very happy for the imput. I live in the US, by the way.

Nightfall - The Ordeal: The Glassway

Modifiers:

• Nightfall: Hero
  • Hero Modifiers: Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1765
  • Champion Foes: You will face [Shield-Piercing] Barrier and [Disruption] Overload Champions. Visit the Character or Mod Customization screen to view your active anti-Champion perks.
  • Champion Foes: You will face [Shield-Piercing] Barrier and [Disruption] Overload Champions.
  • Void Threat: 25% increase to incoming Void damage.
  • Arach-NO!: When defeated, Fallen Vandals spawn a web mine at their feet.
  • Overcharged Weapons: Weapon overcharges from the Seasonal Artifact are active in this activity. Kinetic weapons do increased damage when your subclass element matches an active surge.
  • Solar Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Solar damage.
  • Strand Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Strand damage.
  • Overcharged Grenade Launcher: 25% bonus to damage for all Grenade Launchers.
  • Galvanized: Combatants have more health and are more difficult to stun.
• Nightfall: Legend
  • All previous modifiers
  • Legend Modifiers: Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1815
  • Equipment Locked: You will not be able to change your equipment after this activity starts.
• Nightfall: Master
  • All previous modifiers
  • Master Modifiers: Extra Champions Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1820
  • Attrition: Regeneration is greatly impaired. Defeating enemies may create wells of Light.

Rewards:

• Pinnacle reward: Earn 200,000 cumulative points by completing Nightfalls.

Weekly Crucible Rotator: Momentum Control

Achieve victory by capturing zones and defeating opponents. All weapons are more lethal; abilities replenish only with targets defeated, and tracker is disabled.

Vanguard Surge: Stasis Surge

The other modifiers rotate daily, check out the Daily Reset Thread for them!

Raids and Dungeons

Weekly Raid and Dungeon

• Raid: Vow of the Disciple
• Dungeon: Pit of Heresy

Raid Challenges

Deep Stone Crypt

• The Core Four: A challenge awaits…

Garden of Salvation

• A Link to the Chain: A challenge awaits…

Vow of the Disciple

• Swift Destruction: A challenge awaits…
• Base Information: A challenge awaits…
• Defenses Down: A challenge awaits…
• Looping Catalyst: A challenge awaits…

Vault of Glass

• Strangers in Time: A challenge awaits…

King's Fall

• Gaze Amaze: A challenge awaits…

Root of Nightmares

• Illuminated Torment Challenge: A challenge awaits…

Last Wish

• Forever Fight: A challenge awaits…

Dares of Eternity: Legend

Contestants: The Way of the Hoof

• Round 1: Cabal
• Round 2: Taken
• Final Round: Crota

Loot

• Armor: Scatterhorn Suit, Wild Hunt Suit
• Weapons: Arsenic Bite-4b, Blast Battue, Corsair's Wrath, Deafening Whisper, Dire Promise, Enigma's Draw, Escape Velocity, Jian 7 Rifle, Royal Chase, True Prophecy, Friction Fire

Neomuna

Partition: Backdoor

Break into a Vex Mind's stronghold and defeat it.

Vex Incursion Zone: Zephyr Concourse

The Vex are testing CloudArk defenses in this region. Reality fractures as the VexNet bleeds through into Neomuna.

Legacy Activities

• Savathûn's Throne World
  
  • Campaign Mission: The Cunning: Following a lead from Fynch, search the dark corners of Savathûn's throne world for another clue to how she stole the Light.
• Europa
  
  • Eclipsed Zone: Eventide Ruins
  • Empire Hunt: The Dark Priestess: Hero: Defeat the new leader of the Fallen, Kridis, the Dark Priestess.
  • Exo Challenge: Simulation: Survival: Simulated Skill-Set Training: Survive the harsh weather as you take down the Vex.
• Moon:
  
  • Campaign Mission: Beyond
  • Wandering Nightmare: Nightmare of Jaxx, Claw of Xivu Arath (Hellmouth)
  • Trove Guardian is in Archer's Line
• Dreaming City: Weak Curse
  
  • Petra is at The Strand.
  • Weekly Mission: Broken Courier - Respond to a distress call in the Strand.
  • Ascendant Challenge: Agonarch Abyss, Bay of Drowned Wishes
  • Blind Well: Scorn, Plagues: Sikariis & Varkuuriis

Guns, etc.

Banshee's Weapons

Name	Type	Column 1	Column 2	Column 3	Column 4
Memory Interdict	Heavy Grenade Launcher	Linear Compensator // Smart Drift Control	Alloy Casing // Mini Frags	Impulse Amplifier	Danger Zone
Contingency Plan	Energy Scout Rifle	Arrowhead Brake // Smallbore	Steady Rounds // Alloy Magazine	Firmly Planted	Kill Clip
Palmyra-B	Heavy Rocket Launcher	Countermass // Quick Launch	Alloy Casing // Implosion Rounds	Surplus	Chain Reaction
Syncopation-53	Kinetic Pulse Rifle	Arrowhead Brake // Chambered Compensator	Extended Mag // Armor-Piercing Rounds	Steady Hands	Vorpal Weapon
Redback-5si	Energy Sidearm	Chambered Compensator // Smallbore	Appended Mag // Flared Magwell	Subsistence	Vorpal Weapon
Lodbrok-C	Kinetic Auto Rifle	Chambered Compensator // Hammer-Forged Rifling	Ricochet Rounds // Light Mag	Fragile Focus	Target Lock

Ada-1's Wares

Name	Description	Cost
Vitrified Duality	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Bray Innovation	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Dead Orbit's Fate	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Upgrade Module	A collection of universal components that can be used to infuse power between gear items. Can be purchased from the Gunsmith or acquired from special reward sources.	1 Enhancement Core & 10 Legendary Shards & 5000 Glimmer

Eververse Bright Dust Offerings

Name	Description	Type	Cost
Concentrated Mattergem	An Upgrade Module ionizer created from refined Mattergems.	Consumable	200 Bright Dust
Glimmershard	A shard with the ability to generate Glimmer during combat.	Consumable	250 Bright Dust
Right This Way		Emote	400 Bright Dust
Credence	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Trust. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	700 Bright Dust
Heartbreaking Entrance	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Biolume	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Jungle Viper	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Disciple's Judgment		Emote	3250 Bright Dust
Limitless Subversion Cloak	Equip this ornament on any eligible Legendary armor item to change its appearance. Once you get a universal ornament, it's unlocked for all characters of the relevant class on your account.	Hunter Universal Ornament	1200 Bright Dust
Celestial Shell		Ghost Shell	2850 Bright Dust
All-Terrain Explorer		Vehicle	2500 Bright Dust
Callisto Lancer		Ship	2000 Bright Dust
Karesansui	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Jade Rabbit. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	1250 Bright Dust
Riven Projection	Equip this item to change your Ghost's projection.	Ghost Projection	1500 Bright Dust
Vibrant Beach	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Oiled Gunmetal	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Wayfarer's Guise	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Irradiant Charoite	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Dominus Ghaul Effects	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Sterile Neutrino Effects	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Cannon Fodder	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust

Weekly Bounties

Petra Venj, The Dreaming City

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Ascendant Challenge	"The Awoken have long practiced the art of walking between worlds." —Techeun Kalli	1500 Glimmer	1 Ascendant challenge completed	XP++ & Dark Fragment & Legendary Gear
Gateway Between Worlds	"The Blind Well can split wide the veins that run between realities." —Techeun Sedia	40 Dark Fragment	10 Activity completions	XP++ & Offering to the Oracle

Eris Morn, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Slow-Wave Disruption	Complete waves of Altars of Sorrow in Sorrow's Harbor.	1000 Glimmer	7 Waves completed	Hymn of Desecration
Lunar Spelunker	Loot chests in 3 of the Moon's Lost Sectors.	1000 Glimmer	1 K1 Communion Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Logistics Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Crew Quarters Lost Sector looted	1 Firewall Data Fragment

Lectern of Enchantment, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Nightmare Hunter	Defeat Nightmares in Nightmare Hunts.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core
Nightmare Sojourner	Defeat Nightmares in Lost Sectors across the solar system. Nightmares defeated on the Moon only grant reduced progress.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core

Variks, Europa

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Courageous Expedition	On Europa, complete Lost Sectors, public events, and patrols.	1000 Glimmer	15 Progress	XP++
Divine Intervention	During the Empire Hunt "The Dark Priestess," defeat Kridis and earn points by defeating combatants with precision final blows. Higher difficulties grant more efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	50 [Headshot] Precision & 1 Kridis defeated	XP++

Shaw Han, Cosmodrome

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Public Disturbance	Complete public events on the Cosmodrome. Heroic public events grant the most efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	3 Public events	XP++ & Glimmer
Full Spectrum	Defeat combatants on the Cosmodrome with Arc, Void, and Solar damage.	1000 Glimmer	25 [Arc] Arc & 25 [Void] Void & 25 [Solar] Solar	XP++ & Glimmer

Starhorse, Eternity

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Old-Fashioned Way	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with charged or uncharged melee abilities, defeat combatants with weapons equipped in the Kinetic slot, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	125 Melee & 75 Kinetic weapon & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Sticky Situation	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with attached grenade abilities, defeat combatants with grenades, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	15 Attached grenades & 50 [Grenade] Grenade & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Close and Impersonal	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity on Legend difficulty. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with Submachine Guns, Sidearms, Fusion Rifles, or Shotguns; defeat combatants within streaks; and complete the activity with an incredible score.	7 Strange Coin	130 Weapon & 150 Defeated in streaks & 1 300000 Points	3 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Prism & XP++ & 150 Strange Favor

Nimbus, Neomuna

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Vex Incursion Countermeasures	In the Vex Incursion Zone, defeat combatants using Strand to obtain Shellcode Fragments. Open a Terminal Overload Key Chest to obtain a Polymorphic Engine.	1000 Glimmer	8 Shellcode Fragments & 1 Polymorphic Engine	XP++ & Polymorphic Shellcode

Seasonal Challenges

Name	Description	Objectives	Rewards
Still Standing	Complete Week 5 of the "We Stand Unbroken" quest.	1	Challenger XP+
Legendary Liberator	Complete a Defiant Battleground on Legend difficulty.	1	Challenger XP+
Favored Warrior	Earn Favors of Justice, Grace, and Zeal during Season of Defiance activities. Bonus progress awarded for Favors earned during activities on Legend difficulty.	10 Favor of Justice & 10 Favor of Grace & 10 Favor of Zeal	Challenger XP
Friendly Neighborhood Guardian	Complete a weekly mission from Lightfall on Hero difficulty or higher.	1	Challenger XP+
Unraveling the Sun	Defeat Guardians in Crucible. Bonus progress is granted for opponents defeated with Strand, Solar, and Void ability final blows.	50 Guardians	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust
Dredgin' Up Victory	Complete Gambit matches. Earn bonus progress for wins.	15 Progress	Challenger XP+ & Bright Dust
Adversaries of Humanity	Defeat Taken and Vex bosses in Vanguard playlists or strikes.	5 Taken bosses & 5 Vex bosses	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust
Righteous Blade	Acquire Ecliptic Distaff.	1 [Glaive] Glaive	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust

Notable Armor Rolls

Only notable rolls (stat total >= 59 or single stat >= 26) are listed here.

Class	Name	Vendor	Type	MOB	RES	REC	DIS	INT	STR	Total	Cost
Hunter	Tangled Web Vest	Ada-1	Chest Armor	2	19	6	26	2	2	57	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Hunter	Tangled Web Mask	Ada-1	Helmet	2	17	9	2	26	2	58	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Warlock	Tangled Web Hood	Ada-1	Helmet	6	8	10	2	2	27	55	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer

Nightfall - The Ordeal: The Glassway

Modifiers:

• Nightfall: Hero
  • Hero Modifiers: Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1765
  • Champion Foes: You will face [Shield-Piercing] Barrier and [Disruption] Overload Champions. Visit the Character or Mod Customization screen to view your active anti-Champion perks.
  • Champion Foes: You will face [Shield-Piercing] Barrier and [Disruption] Overload Champions.
  • Void Threat: 25% increase to incoming Void damage.
  • Arach-NO!: When defeated, Fallen Vandals spawn a web mine at their feet.
  • Overcharged Weapons: Weapon overcharges from the Seasonal Artifact are active in this activity. Kinetic weapons do increased damage when your subclass element matches an active surge.
  • Solar Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Solar damage.
  • Strand Surge: 25% bonus to outgoing Strand damage.
  • Overcharged Grenade Launcher: 25% bonus to damage for all Grenade Launchers.
  • Galvanized: Combatants have more health and are more difficult to stun.
• Nightfall: Legend
  • All previous modifiers
  • Legend Modifiers: Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1815
  • Equipment Locked: You will not be able to change your equipment after this activity starts.
• Nightfall: Master
  • All previous modifiers
  • Master Modifiers: Extra Champions Locked Loadout Extra Shields Maximum Effective Level 1820
  • Attrition: Regeneration is greatly impaired. Defeating enemies may create wells of Light.

Rewards:

• Pinnacle reward: Earn 200,000 cumulative points by completing Nightfalls.

Weekly Crucible Rotator: Momentum Control

Achieve victory by capturing zones and defeating opponents. All weapons are more lethal; abilities replenish only with targets defeated, and tracker is disabled.

Vanguard Surge: Stasis Surge

The other modifiers rotate daily, check out the Daily Reset Thread for them!

Raids and Dungeons

Weekly Raid and Dungeon

• Raid: Vow of the Disciple
• Dungeon: Pit of Heresy

Raid Challenges

Deep Stone Crypt

• The Core Four: A challenge awaits…

Garden of Salvation

• A Link to the Chain: A challenge awaits…

Vow of the Disciple

• Swift Destruction: A challenge awaits…
• Base Information: A challenge awaits…
• Defenses Down: A challenge awaits…
• Looping Catalyst: A challenge awaits…

Vault of Glass

• Strangers in Time: A challenge awaits…

King's Fall

• Gaze Amaze: A challenge awaits…

Root of Nightmares

• Illuminated Torment Challenge: A challenge awaits…

Last Wish

• Forever Fight: A challenge awaits…

Dares of Eternity: Legend

Contestants: The Way of the Hoof

• Round 1: Cabal
• Round 2: Taken
• Final Round: Crota

Loot

• Armor: Scatterhorn Suit, Wild Hunt Suit
• Weapons: Arsenic Bite-4b, Blast Battue, Corsair's Wrath, Deafening Whisper, Dire Promise, Enigma's Draw, Escape Velocity, Jian 7 Rifle, Royal Chase, True Prophecy, Friction Fire

Neomuna

Partition: Backdoor

Break into a Vex Mind's stronghold and defeat it.

Vex Incursion Zone: Zephyr Concourse

The Vex are testing CloudArk defenses in this region. Reality fractures as the VexNet bleeds through into Neomuna.

Legacy Activities

• Savathûn's Throne World
  
  • Campaign Mission: The Cunning: Following a lead from Fynch, search the dark corners of Savathûn's throne world for another clue to how she stole the Light.
• Europa
  
  • Eclipsed Zone: Eventide Ruins
  • Empire Hunt: The Dark Priestess: Hero: Defeat the new leader of the Fallen, Kridis, the Dark Priestess.
  • Exo Challenge: Simulation: Survival: Simulated Skill-Set Training: Survive the harsh weather as you take down the Vex.
• Moon:
  
  • Campaign Mission: Beyond
  • Wandering Nightmare: Nightmare of Jaxx, Claw of Xivu Arath (Hellmouth)
  • Trove Guardian is in Archer's Line
• Dreaming City: Weak Curse
  
  • Petra is at The Strand.
  • Weekly Mission: Broken Courier - Respond to a distress call in the Strand.
  • Ascendant Challenge: Agonarch Abyss, Bay of Drowned Wishes
  • Blind Well: Scorn, Plagues: Sikariis & Varkuuriis

Guns, etc.

Banshee's Weapons

Name	Type	Column 1	Column 2	Column 3	Column 4
Memory Interdict	Heavy Grenade Launcher	Linear Compensator // Smart Drift Control	Alloy Casing // Mini Frags	Impulse Amplifier	Danger Zone
Contingency Plan	Energy Scout Rifle	Arrowhead Brake // Smallbore	Steady Rounds // Alloy Magazine	Firmly Planted	Kill Clip
Palmyra-B	Heavy Rocket Launcher	Countermass // Quick Launch	Alloy Casing // Implosion Rounds	Surplus	Chain Reaction
Syncopation-53	Kinetic Pulse Rifle	Arrowhead Brake // Chambered Compensator	Extended Mag // Armor-Piercing Rounds	Steady Hands	Vorpal Weapon
Redback-5si	Energy Sidearm	Chambered Compensator // Smallbore	Appended Mag // Flared Magwell	Subsistence	Vorpal Weapon
Lodbrok-C	Kinetic Auto Rifle	Chambered Compensator // Hammer-Forged Rifling	Ricochet Rounds // Light Mag	Fragile Focus	Target Lock

Ada-1's Wares

Name	Description	Cost
Vitrified Duality	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Bray Innovation	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Dead Orbit's Fate	Apply this shader to change the color of your gear.	10000 Glimmer
Upgrade Module	A collection of universal components that can be used to infuse power between gear items. Can be purchased from the Gunsmith or acquired from special reward sources.	1 Enhancement Core & 10 Legendary Shards & 5000 Glimmer

Eververse Bright Dust Offerings

Name	Description	Type	Cost
Concentrated Mattergem	An Upgrade Module ionizer created from refined Mattergems.	Consumable	200 Bright Dust
Glimmershard	A shard with the ability to generate Glimmer during combat.	Consumable	250 Bright Dust
Right This Way		Emote	400 Bright Dust
Credence	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Trust. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	700 Bright Dust
Heartbreaking Entrance	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Biolume	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Jungle Viper	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Disciple's Judgment		Emote	3250 Bright Dust
Limitless Subversion Cloak	Equip this ornament on any eligible Legendary armor item to change its appearance. Once you get a universal ornament, it's unlocked for all characters of the relevant class on your account.	Hunter Universal Ornament	1200 Bright Dust
Celestial Shell		Ghost Shell	2850 Bright Dust
All-Terrain Explorer		Vehicle	2500 Bright Dust
Callisto Lancer		Ship	2000 Bright Dust
Karesansui	Equip this weapon ornament to change the appearance of Jade Rabbit. Once you get an ornament, it's unlocked for all characters on your account.	Weapon Ornament	1250 Bright Dust
Riven Projection	Equip this item to change your Ghost's projection.	Ghost Projection	1500 Bright Dust
Vibrant Beach	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Oiled Gunmetal	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Wayfarer's Guise	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Irradiant Charoite	Equip this shader to change the color of your gear.	Shader	300 Bright Dust
Dominus Ghaul Effects	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Sterile Neutrino Effects	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust
Cannon Fodder	Modifications for your ship's transmat systems, so you'll always arrive in style.	Transmat Effect	450 Bright Dust

Weekly Bounties

Petra Venj, The Dreaming City

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Ascendant Challenge	"The Awoken have long practiced the art of walking between worlds." —Techeun Kalli	1500 Glimmer	1 Ascendant challenge completed	XP++ & Dark Fragment & Legendary Gear
Gateway Between Worlds	"The Blind Well can split wide the veins that run between realities." —Techeun Sedia	40 Dark Fragment	10 Activity completions	XP++ & Offering to the Oracle

Eris Morn, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Slow-Wave Disruption	Complete waves of Altars of Sorrow in Sorrow's Harbor.	1000 Glimmer	7 Waves completed	Hymn of Desecration
Lunar Spelunker	Loot chests in 3 of the Moon's Lost Sectors.	1000 Glimmer	1 K1 Communion Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Logistics Lost Sector looted & 1 K1 Crew Quarters Lost Sector looted	1 Firewall Data Fragment

Lectern of Enchantment, Moon

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Nightmare Hunter	Defeat Nightmares in Nightmare Hunts.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core
Nightmare Sojourner	Defeat Nightmares in Lost Sectors across the solar system. Nightmares defeated on the Moon only grant reduced progress.	5 Phantasmal Fragment	100 Nightmares	XP++ & 1 Phantasmal Core

Variks, Europa

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Courageous Expedition	On Europa, complete Lost Sectors, public events, and patrols.	1000 Glimmer	15 Progress	XP++
Divine Intervention	During the Empire Hunt "The Dark Priestess," defeat Kridis and earn points by defeating combatants with precision final blows. Higher difficulties grant more efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	50 [Headshot] Precision & 1 Kridis defeated	XP++

Shaw Han, Cosmodrome

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Public Disturbance	Complete public events on the Cosmodrome. Heroic public events grant the most efficient progress.	1000 Glimmer	3 Public events	XP++ & Glimmer
Full Spectrum	Defeat combatants on the Cosmodrome with Arc, Void, and Solar damage.	1000 Glimmer	25 [Arc] Arc & 25 [Void] Void & 25 [Solar] Solar	XP++ & Glimmer

Starhorse, Eternity

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Old-Fashioned Way	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with charged or uncharged melee abilities, defeat combatants with weapons equipped in the Kinetic slot, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	125 Melee & 75 Kinetic weapon & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Sticky Situation	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with attached grenade abilities, defeat combatants with grenades, and complete the activity with an impressive score.	5 Strange Coin	15 Attached grenades & 50 [Grenade] Grenade & 1 180000 Points	2 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Core & XP++ & 50 Strange Favor
Close and Impersonal	Complete the following objectives in a single run of Dares of Eternity on Legend difficulty. Objectives will reset if not completed when the activity ends. Defeat combatants with Submachine Guns, Sidearms, Fusion Rifles, or Shotguns; defeat combatants within streaks; and complete the activity with an incredible score.	7 Strange Coin	130 Weapon & 150 Defeated in streaks & 1 300000 Points	3 Paraversal Haul & 1 Enhancement Prism & XP++ & 150 Strange Favor

Nimbus, Neomuna

Name	Description	Cost	Requirement	Reward
Vex Incursion Countermeasures	In the Vex Incursion Zone, defeat combatants using Strand to obtain Shellcode Fragments. Open a Terminal Overload Key Chest to obtain a Polymorphic Engine.	1000 Glimmer	8 Shellcode Fragments & 1 Polymorphic Engine	XP++ & Polymorphic Shellcode

Seasonal Challenges

Name	Description	Objectives	Rewards
Still Standing	Complete Week 5 of the "We Stand Unbroken" quest.	1	Challenger XP+
Legendary Liberator	Complete a Defiant Battleground on Legend difficulty.	1	Challenger XP+
Favored Warrior	Earn Favors of Justice, Grace, and Zeal during Season of Defiance activities. Bonus progress awarded for Favors earned during activities on Legend difficulty.	10 Favor of Justice & 10 Favor of Grace & 10 Favor of Zeal	Challenger XP
Friendly Neighborhood Guardian	Complete a weekly mission from Lightfall on Hero difficulty or higher.	1	Challenger XP+
Unraveling the Sun	Defeat Guardians in Crucible. Bonus progress is granted for opponents defeated with Strand, Solar, and Void ability final blows.	50 Guardians	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust
Dredgin' Up Victory	Complete Gambit matches. Earn bonus progress for wins.	15 Progress	Challenger XP+ & Bright Dust
Adversaries of Humanity	Defeat Taken and Vex bosses in Vanguard playlists or strikes.	5 Taken bosses & 5 Vex bosses	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust
Righteous Blade	Acquire Ecliptic Distaff.	1 [Glaive] Glaive	Challenger XP++ & Bright Dust

Notable Armor Rolls

Only notable rolls (stat total >= 59 or single stat >= 26) are listed here.

Class	Name	Vendor	Type	MOB	RES	REC	DIS	INT	STR	Total	Cost
Hunter	Tangled Web Vest	Ada-1	Chest Armor	2	19	6	26	2	2	57	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Hunter	Tangled Web Mask	Ada-1	Helmet	2	17	9	2	26	2	58	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer
Warlock	Tangled Web Hood	Ada-1	Helmet	6	8	10	2	2	27	55	25 Legendary Shards & 1000 Glimmer

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14]
I opened my eyes and blinked under the rays of the hot summer sun. My eyes adjusted and I realized I was on a boat, a familiar Sea Ray Sundancer. My uncle was at the wheel, my father standing next to him. No. No, no, no. Not this. I tried to open my mouth to scream, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak.
They were speaking calmly, but I could sense they both were anxious.
“It’s been getting worse, Denny,” my uncle said. His voice was almost unrecognizable to me, far from that of the jovial uncle who was always good for a laugh. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in days.
“She gets a kick out of spooking you, that’s all,” my father said, trying to reassure his brother, but not quite convincing himself.
“No, no. This isn’t just the occasional dead cat. I’ve been seeing her. In my house, at work, nowhere near the motel. I…I…think I’m losing it.”
“What about Martina? Has she noticed anything different?”
“You know she doesn’t know about her.”
“Yes, I know. But nothing different around the cottages?”
Hearing my father speak of these things, a voice from my innocent past speaking of terrors that now haunted my life—it was jarring to say the least.
“Nothing different. Denny, her laughter. It’s everywhere. Every time I close my eyes, I hear it. She wants…she wants me…oh god, I can’t even say it.”
“She wants you to end your life.”
Uncle Jim looked at his brother in surprise.
“I’ve heard her too,” my dad whispered.
My body shook in its invisible prison. Dad, no.
“We need to tell Nora.” My uncle said.
“No, Jim.”
“You know it. You know she always finishes what she’s started. When we’re gone…Nora’s next. We have to warn her.”
My father leaned against the side of the boat, his face a mask of anguish.
“You’re right,” he said. “We should have told her years ago.”
The buzz of the boat’s motor increased and the boat began to speed forward, accelerating rapidly. Uncle Jim desperately grabbed at the throttle, trying to shift it, but it wouldn’t budge. The steering wheel spun out of his hands as though it was being controlled by an invisible force. My father tried to wrest it back into his control, but it too could not be moved by the men in the boat.
The boat continued to accelerate, bucking up and down on the water violently before finally swerving, hitting a shoal with great speed. I was utterly helpless as I watched my uncle’s skull shatter in the windshield. My father was launched out of the craft, I heard his neck snap as it made contact with the hull.
Their mangled bodies still seared into my mind, I found myself in a cold, damp room, sobbing on the packed dirt floor, my body once again my own. I sat up, a wave of dizziness passing through me.
I was pretty sure I was underneath Bellevue Castle, in the unfinished wine cellar, familiar from the numerous tours I had taken there as a kid. The cellar was filled with barrels of old building supplies, still in the same spot they were when the lovelorn (or perhaps bankrupt) owner called a stop to construction, over a century ago. In the opposite corner, however, there was something that wasn’t there in the tourist season.
Jake was huddled on the ground, unconscious, silver collar around his neck, his body laced with new, raw-looking scars, as though he had been scourged or cut.
I rushed over to him and began to shake his shoulder. He moaned.
“Here, let me take this off,” I said, fiddling with the silver collar. He winced; his eyes fluttered open.
“Nora?” He said, dazed.
“Don’t try to talk, I’ve almost got it off.”
“No,” he said weakly, grabbing my wrist. “No, no, don’t. Please!”
With a final twist, the collar clanged to the floor. But this only made Jake more agitated.
“Nora, put it back on. Put it back on and get out of her. Please, I’m begging you. Get as far away from me as possible.”
“What are you talking about?” I cried. “I’m not going to torture you.”
He took the collar, but dropped it with a moan as his hand burned at the contact.
“Run!” he shouted. He staggered backwards, and I could see the tell-tale signs of transformation. But this time, his eyes began to glow, his mouth lengthening into the snarl of the wolf twisted almost into a smile. The half-shifted creature before me laughed.
“Too late now, girl,” it growled. I bolted to the stairs, the grunts and howls of the final throes of transformation behind me. I climbed the stairs with speed I didn’t know I possessed, slamming the door behind me. The wolf threw itself against it, buckling the wood with a sickening crack.
I was in the castle’s recreated kitchen. Frantically, I threw down the elegant copper molds that lined the walls, hoping to slow down the creature’s pursuit. The cellar door gave way just as I fled the kitchen in to a grand dining room. My eyes immediately fixed themselves on the elaborately set table, ready for an Edwardian feast and my heart leapt with hope. Such a meal would never be served without the finest of silver.
I scooped up the numerous utensils set before the nearest place setting, stuffing oyster forks, fish knives, butter knives, bouillon spoons, tea spoons and anything else I could fit into my jacket pockets. The door behind me shattered, and the wolf came barreling towards me. I hopped up on the table and flung a giant silver soup tureen at him, hitting him on the chest with a howling hiss.
“Sorry, Jake,” I muttered as I ran into the front hallway. I pulled at the carved wood door leading outside, but it was locked, bolted with a padlock for the winter. Behind me was the grand staircase of gilded oak and marble. My only way forward was up. I knew the wolf would not be far behind me, once he had shaken off his temporary debilitation.
I ran up the stairs, up one flight, now two. The restored Gilded Age luxury of the first floors morphed into a dilapidated, unfinished area of exposed beams and plaster, covered with decades-worth of graffiti. The wolf was in pursuit once more; I could hear the scratching of its claws on the marble of the stairs, making his way upwards. I turned around.
The wolf crouched some feet below me, grinning, far closer than I had thought. I pulled out a few silver forks and threw them at him, sprinkling more on the stairs between us. The wolf howled with dismay. My eye caught a long ladder leading up to the turret. Without further thought, I raced towards it, pulling myself upwards while unsheathing the knife at my belt. The wolf had shaken off the silver and was at the bottom of the ladder. I tossed my last handful of silver spoons at him, hitting him in the snout which bought me enough time to put more space between us.
I could see the opening to the turret above me. But just as I managed to get my upper body through, a claw grasped my boot. With all my strength I kicked at it, to no avail. I lowered my right arm and slashed at it with my knife. The claw released its grip and I dragged the rest of my body through the opening. The wolf snarled at me and he poised himself to jump. I pushed the ladder away and he fell to the ground. Now in the turret room, I saw a large metal filing cabinet against the wall and brought it down over the opening below with a tremendous bang that gave way to silence, revealing the ferocity of my haggard breathing.
I took a step backward into something cold, the parts of my body that had come into contact with it tingling unpleasantly. I turned around.
The witch stood before me, smiling that terrible smile, her eyes like coals. She was draped in thin, almost transparent, black silk, her body a corpselike gray. Her hair hung to her knees, wreathed in the brittle, dead leaves of late winter. I stumbled away from her, my back hitting the walls of the stone turret behind me, a large, arched window with a several stories fall my only escape.
“Girl,” she hissed, her voice a crackling flame. “I do not believe we have been properly introduced.”
“You need no introduction,” I said bitterly.
She laughed, the cadence about as pleasant as scraping paper with a broken pencil.
“Many mortals call me a witch. Is that what you think I am?”
“I think that’s a mere euphemism for what you are.”
“Smart little cow.”
She smiled slyly and perched herself on the ledge of the window, one bare leg draped over the side.
“I was once a girl like you. I danced before Baal at the dawn of men. I was found worthy. I became much, much more than a sentient pile of meat. My name was worshiped by emperors and queens. Generals and high priests prostrated themselves before me and offered me sacrifice. I am triodia, enodia, brimo, indalimos, chthonia. I am Hecate.”
At the utterance of her name, she raised her hand, and my body began cramping in agony. With ease, she moved aside the filing cabinet I had pushed over. The wolf came crawling up the ladder, eyes still a possessed green, no sign of Jake within them. He crept over to Hecate and she patted his head, pleased at my anguished expression.
“Now we are only waiting for our mutual friend,” she said. From below, I heard a splashing in the water. I could see René climbing out of the river and over the fence leading to the castle grounds. He was waterlogged, filthy, and nearly frozen, his jacket gone, his shirt torn and bloodied in several places, indicating he had received and healed from several wounds in his struggle.
Hecate smiled coldly. She stood and, with an almost imperceptible motion, we were thrown out of the window on the back of a great burst of air, only partially cushioning my body from the fall. I hit the ground violently and my shoulder exploded into pain. I vomited. Hecate made some sound of disgust at my side. Her feet were bare on the frozen ground, but even in the barrenness of winter, earthworms burrowed upwards to writhe against her toes.
René made a move to approach me, but Hecate raised her hand for him to halt and a column of fire erupted between us, reaching high into the night sky. He took in a deep breath, ragged with rage.
“If it’s me you want, I cede myself to you once more. Let the girl and the wolf go and this will be my bargain to you.”
Hecate sighed.
“So predictable. So boring. I know this will come as a shock, René, but it’s not about you this time. I reject your little bargain. Go mope around a lumber yard for another few centuries, I could care less.”
“Why?” I said, finding the courage to speak. “Why do this?”
“Because I stayed my hand when I should have destroyed your wretched forebears. For a century, I watched them fumble their way through a simple set of chores. Did you know your uncle dared to complain to me? He begged me to lift my curse, not for his sake, not even for the sake of his poor servant, but for you.”
She dragged me upright by my injured shoulder, digging her nails into my flesh. I tried not giving her the pleasure of hearing me scream, though it felt like my head would burst.
“Precious Nora,” she said with contempt. “I hope you enjoyed watching their last moments. I have made a decision, you see. I will snuff you out, each and every one of you. You Calnons are far too troublesome and extremely replaceable. I had planned on killing Martina too—such a loyal and obstinate thing she was—but then my dear René got to her first. Always good for that sort of thing, isn’t he?”
She took a fist full of my hair and pulled me closer to her face. René took a step forward, fangs bared, but Jake stood between them, snarling threateningly. She whispered into my ear, her words sickening me.
“I planned on killing you too. It would have been simple, quick. But then you had to find him, didn’t you?” She glared at René. “The one who is mine. And then both of you, taking away my favorite pet. You upset me, Nora. You’ve upset me greatly. For you, not only death will do.”
A torch appeared in her hand and with it, she traced a flaming circle around us on the ground which ignited into a sickly green flame. René shouted and leapt at Hecate, but he collided with Jake instead and the two of them fell to the side, locked in a frenzied struggle.
“Now, now, René, no cheating,” she said, snapping her fingers. The silver chain René carried with him flew into her hand and she threw it in to the column of flames where it was consumed with a terrible hiss. She turned her attention to me.
“It is not the next quarter day for quite some time, but I am sure he will not mind. I could not resist the symmetry of it all. You awakened to this reality on the night of the grand tithe and now you will be the last tax the Calnons ever pay.”
Clouds appeared in the night sky, suffocating the stars, churning with ferocity, the green of decay. The air pressed down upon me, pushing the air out of my lungs, causing me to sputter and gasp. Hecate raised her hands, shouting in an ancient tongue. The sky tasted of wet earth and lightning; a frisson of electricity passed through me. A vial of water appeared in Hecate’s hands, and she performed her ablutions.
René pushed Jake aside, but a fissure in the ground opened between us. A terrible roar erupted, the cries of the damned comingling together into a dreadful force. Hecate pressed her palm to my forehand, her eyes glittering with malice, intoning words I could not understand. I reached for the knife at my belt in desperation, but found my sheath to be empty.
“Looking for this?” Hecate said, producing my knife in her left hand. With a cruel laugh, she plunged it into my belly. I heard René scream, but he already sounded far away. I looked down in shock. She pulled out the weapon and blood began to pour out of me. I felt no pain; it was as though I was watching this happen to someone else.
The vortex of voices became enhanced around me, and I was being dragged downwards and downwards. I was slipping into the void.
The world disappeared. There was nothing and I was nothing, or at least, nothing beyond endless misery. This was a place with no hope.
It is impossible to describe such things to those who have not witnessed them. I was in a great Maw, of that I could surmise. A great gaping Maw of flesh, throbbing, burning, constantly consuming. All around me I could hear weeping, sobbing, cries of madness or anger or futility. There were people here, or what was left of them. Tendrils of flesh fused their bodies to the walls of the thing, which slowly digested them, eating them away only for them to regenerate, continuing the torture in perpetuity. They were still conscious, if that word could be used in this place, unaware of each other, but making the most despicable sounds of suffering, some wailing, others grinding their teeth.
Arms of flesh tore at my legs, searing my skin. But just as quickly as they had come, the tendrils receded and the surface beneath me began to rumble. The wailing was overpowered by a growling coming from the Maw itself, as loud as a jet engine and as haunting as the roar of a jaguar. It was enraged.
My body was ejected. I was suspended somewhere, away, and then I hit the ground. My fingers dug into blessed, real dirt. I blinked and the stars were above me once more.
Hecate stood before me; her face twisted in shock. The column of fire was extinguished. Jake fell to the ground, shifting back into human form. René rushed to my side.
“It appears your payment has been rejected,” he said grinning.
Hecate scoffed. She took a step backward, muttering in that same ancient tongue, but nothing happened. I could see panic rising within her. She fell to her knees and raised her hands to the sky, speaking as though she were entreating someone or something. Little sparks danced on her hands, tiny pieces of skin flecked off of her, slowly at first, then hastening, faster and faster. Hecate let out a great cry and her body combusted into green flames, stripping her down to her bones, blazing until she was no more than dust borne away by the swirling winds.
A deafening sigh echoed around us billowing upwards into a swirling funnel cloud. Whisps of tormented souls rose into the spinning air until with a clap of thunder so loud the castle behind us shook, their whimpers were extinguished, released to their final fate. The clouds receded and the sky was clear and calm again.
I tried to sit up, but my abdomen erupted into pain. I was still bleeding. I was bleeding a lot. I tried to steady myself on René’s arm, but my fingertips were numb. René was speaking to me, but I couldn’t understand him. Get up, I willed myself. Get up. I could not obey. I was falling—no, I was flying, flying away from my body.
I was walking through a tunnel. Not a dark tunnel of terrors, but one of soft greenery adorned with flowers in colors beyond comprehension. There was sunlight on the other side. It was warm, so delightfully warm. With every part of me, I wanted to be there. There were people waiting for me, I knew.
I tried to step forward, but I was stuck. Something was dragging me, dragging me back into pain, into the dark. I cried. No, no, please no. Let me rest here. Please.
There was something in my throat, something thick and sweet. I choked, but I swallowed. I was drinking.
I wanted more.
++
It has been several nights since that happened. When I awoke, it was sunset again, as it will be for the rest of my days.
René is quieter now. I wish I could reassure him that he did the right thing, that I am grateful. He doesn’t seem to believe me, but I guess we have a lot of time now to figure it out.
“Time enough for you to grow to hate me,” he said sadly, pushing a lock of hair away from my face. I hope he’s wrong.
The cottages are peaceful now. The entities are gone. There is a sense of ease here that is permeating more every day, heralding the coming of a Spring like no other before. They’re gone too, the spirits of Cottage 14. I tried to go to thank them. After all, it was their blessing that had saved me from the Maw. They had kept their promise to Ellen. Your soul shall not be dragged down to perdition, you will not know the eternal flames. The cottage door was open; there were buds on the trees. I think they have finally found their true home, their eternal rest.
Jake has recovered from his ordeal. He is still a werewolf, but his mind is now his own. With our help, he is mostly healed, though there are scars he will carry with him for the rest of his life.
We haven’t been doing much lately. Things are too raw, too new. We have just begun to breathe again. Sometimes we just sit by the river. A wolf and two vampires, a funny trio.
“I want to find my parents,” Jake said last night. René passed me his thermos, which I took a bit too eagerly.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I stopped by my old house today. Neighbor told me they were taken into assisted living a while ago, though he didn’t know where. Their minds…weren’t quite the same since I…” His voice broke. So many lost years, so many ruined lives.
“I guess I’m just saying I’m leaving.”
“Do what you must, Jake,” René said. “You will go on. You are free now. Find your parents; find your own kind.”
Jake nodded. I caught a tear glistening in his eye.
“What will you two do?” Jake asked.
“Figure out what the hell to tell my mom,” I said chuckling. Even René smiled. “But you know, this place? It has some potential.”
And so, I find myself back where I started: with a giant pile of wallpaper books and a folder of paint swatches. René is pouring over plans for a complete remodeling of the cottages and motel with some structural enhancements. Given our change in circumstances, our business model and targeted clientele will be slightly different, slightly more…nocturnal.
But this is where the veil of secrecy must finally descend between us.
For now.
x

For nearly 2 months I have been majorly stuck on a huge mistake I made where I went into a few shops when I knew I was Covid positive. When I did it I justified the decision but as soon as I was home I felt so guilty. Since then it has spiralled into this monstrosity of shame,regret, self disgust. I feel like I can never forgive myself for putting people in danger. All day everyday I am ruminating and feel on par with murdering people because people may have died because of me. All my usual techniques aren’t helping me because what I did is morally questionable. I know OCD doesn’t help but the fact remains that it’s shame from a very real thing. It doesn’t feel like intrusive thoughts when it’s something that actually happened.
I don’t know how to go on. I don’t think I can. I don’t see how I can forgive myself when I have been so reckless and could have killed people. It’s not like the articles I read online where people are beating themselves up over saying something mean or forgetting to do something but this is about people lives!
I can’t function and I have no hope. I’m early on my therapy journey so I know I’m at the beginning but I ocd or not I don’t think forgive. All I can imagine is the chain reaction of people I might have infected, then who they did and so on, all because I was selfish. I’m ruining my life. I’m frozen
Is this forgivable?

friends, i’d be grateful if anyone could suggest a crossword book/publisheseries they like that have more current events and clues, if that makes sense? my wife and i have a few of NYT “best of” books, and we wind down with them at night. these are great, but they’re a bit dated and repetitive. both of us born in the late 80s, and trying to choose healthier activities before bed for better sleep 🤙🏻