I was always one of those plain girls growing up. My sisters always got compliments from family and my parents' friends since childhood, and I never did. Okay lang naman for me, kasi ako naman yung nac-compliment for being smart (then I grew up to not have big ambitions, so now I'm just the family disappointment HAHA.)
May time pa nga nung college when a guy friend was telling me how his type was smart and funny girls na malakas ang appeal... then suddenly paused and said "ikaw kasi wala kang ka-appeal appeal." Ginawa naming joke yon, tawa ako ng tawa, but when I got home that night gusto kong maiyak. And I didn't even like that guy romantically ha, besties kami pero it still hurt kasi that was a guy's honest opinion of me and so I internalized that this must be what every person thought of me.
After college I leaned into having a masculine image kasi sabi ko hindi naman ako pretty, edi maging pogi na lang ako haha. I cut my hair short, I wore boyish clothes, I basically wasn't feminine at all and yes it was comfortable, but it wasn't me. It wasn't me.
I was always the butterflies and unicorns girl growing up, but I felt like I wasn't pretty enough to deserve being feminine. And it took a while before I tried to reclaim that for me.
Today after ko maligo and mag-ayos with minimal makeup, I looked into the mirror and napa-"what the fuck" ako kasi? I look so cute? I legit thought to myself na what the fuck, I'm so hot?
Incidents like this are getting more frequent - I'd wake up, mag-aayos ng konti, and genuinely find myself pretty. For the first time in my almost 30 years of existence, I feel hot. I'm still very much the same 6/10 as I was before, I'm still the same short morena with a flat nose, but I can genuinely say that I love how I look now. This was a very long journey, but I've learned to love myself as I am. I'm still not one of those girls who could effortlessly draw the eyes of everyone in the room, but I no longer feel the need to hide myself away.
It's just... ewan. Of course healing isn't linear and yes I still get days where I feel like a shapeless slug, but I feel so happy with myself today.
I feel so happy with myself today <3

All values in USD.
Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: nope because I'm planning on leaving the US (for my bf) after finishing school. Not sure how retirement balance works across countries.
Equity: nope but almost bit and bought a house in the middle of the insane housing price crisis? windfall?? in 2021. Boy would my life be different rn
Savings account balance: zip but 90k in bonds
Checking account balance: 60k
Credit card debt: nada, and using a debit card in Europe
Student loan debt: nothing, because my parents (bless them) paid for my (subsidized, bless FAFSA + need based scholarships) college tuition, and I got a free masters (thanks to my advisor + TAships) and am currently doing a free (aka on my advisor's bill again lmao + TAships) phd
Income
Income Progression: a string of tech internships (every single summer except freshman and masters and first year of phd) with pay from between 5500/month to 11000/month (pre-tax, adjusted for bonus and currency exchange rate) That high end was from a fancy startup and pre-brexit lmaoooo. Low end was gov work. And my current phd income is 2500/month, so this is actually an income regression lol
Main Job Monthly Take Home: Current internship is 5000/month but my overall taxes are low because I'm not here long enough for it to bump up my income taxes more than one rung. So keep in mind I make like 1700/month the rest of the year
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: I wish! Once I get my big girl job I'm going remote and setting up a ceramics studio, a grocery store, and then volunteering and making games. Work can go stuff itself. Honestly the more and more I work the more and more I feel like I want to turn stage left exit society, tyvm. People meme academia as being abstract and useless (and sometimes toxic...that one's deserved maybe) but unless you are at a specific type of company, corporate research can be equally "useless" but by way of having insanely short (as in, to production by year's end) deadlines so you're kind of forced to "fit a square peg into a round hole" eg work on a business problem that you (or your higher up) did not spend enough time defining and then somehow make it look like research when maybe the most cost-effective solution was something else entirely...sorry for rant
Do your parents pitch in monthly? Been financially independent since last year...to my great surprise. I used to be financially independent since undergrad graduation but apparently my mom started sneakily paying off my CC debt again in my phd so I had to change the linked bank account back. My mom thinks I'm poor lmao...I'm not
Expenses
Rent (includes utilities): 2000 ouch (Europe) + 500 (US) monthly
Transport: bike (free after fixed costs, yay!) and bus (free with school)
Renters insurance: none. Getting renter's insurance is like wearing my retainer...everyone tells me to do it (including myself) but I make up a million excuses as to not
Savings contribution: whatever's left in the month. Usually 400+-100
Investment contribution: is the stock market even real? I'm just kidding. But I don't really understand my finances, and I feel embarrassed about that, but at the same time I feel like after factoring in all my personal considerations, I'm better off not doing anything other than guaranteed bonds.
Debt payments: no. college is done, no house, no car
Cellphone: Prepaid in Europe, like 5 a month. But my US phone is actually on my parent's family plan. So I guess I'm still not financially independent...
Subscriptions: Occasional magazines 50 annually, school union 100 annually
Regular therapy: None. Therapy has been a hit and miss for me
Paid hobbies: Art supplies like 100 a year, books like 300 annually, audio like 100, bike stuff 100, kitchen stuff...400, fancy specialty ingredients...800, clothes 400 but my mom gifts me a lot over the holidays like 500-1000 worth, and gifts for f&f I budget around 800 a year
[Money Diary]
[Tuesday]
7am: wake. super groggy. Drink two gulps of fanta to actually wake and immediately regret it
8am: on the bus to work. Today is going to be a slow day which is nice.
8:30am: grab a rhubarb and rose yogurt for breakfast ($2). Delicious. Have to order this somehow when I'm back in the states.
12pm: Brought eggplant and bolognese for lunch. Eat with another intern and talk random stuff about our phds.
4:30pm: leaving early cuz today is my bf's last night in the country. I head to a bakery and grab a croissant and pretzel and baguette ($7) for him as an apology for an argument we had yesterday. I also head to a grocery to grab a pumpkin ($10) for curry later. I race to the bus! Almost miss it. Everyone is looking at me because I'm panting and I feel that strange awkwardness you get from being caught running without gym clothes.
6pm: Back home. We heat up leftovers (ramen for me and bolognese for him) and watch a chill video about balancing in gaming. It was either this or a math video and the math video was too long.
7pm: I ask him about when he's coming back to see me so I can let my mom know if my schedule fits my family's June paris trip or not (my mom's extremely hyped about this so I would like to come.) Because he's been dragging his feet figuring out his schedule we get into another argument, which then carries back into our argument from yesterday.
9pm: Answer some emails and book a flight for my return trip because my sister is going to her dream college and I want to be with her on visit week ($156)
10pm: I'm trying to read my paper for tomorrow's meeting but it's not going well because we are still talking about our problems
12pm: We cuddle and sleep. Argument's not resolved because neither wants to give
Total: 19 (Food) + 156 (Plane)
[Wednesday]
6am: wake. notice that it's 6am and go back to sleep
7am: wake and wake up bf. He's leaving today and so we cuddle, but like sadly (LDR, whats new.) Eventually I get hungry so I go and munch on plums. I am a bit distracted because I have a lot of meetings that I'm not well prepared for.
8:30am: catch bus. We joke a bit about yesterday's argument. Eventually, say goodbye when I transfer trams. I watch a video to prepare for my first meeting on the tram. Then I have a meeting, read to prepare for next meeting, rinse, repeat. Go out to eat with coworkers ($18)--conversations are so awkward (because of me. I don't have the extra mental capacity to try socializing with overworked dudes 4 years older than me and I've lost a concerning amount of EQ over the course of my phd.)
2:00pm: After a particularly stressful meeting (went well, thanks to my clutch skills) I decide I need to take a walk outside as a break. I go to the bakery to buy a chocolatine and apple danish ($5). I am not even hungry. I am just retail theraping and desserts look cute and smell good. Head back and have string of meetings until the end of the day. Very angry about my schedule
5:30pm: say fuck it cuz my brain is shot and go home. Why am I the only one who leaves before 6? Isn't this supposed to be Europe? I hate working a 9-6.
6pm: eat dinner (ramen), shower with rice on the stove (no rice cooker), rice burns omg now the bottom of the pan is burnt. I soak the pan overnight and leave my personal pan out for people to use.
7pm: reddit as revenge procrastination. I make a note to buy steel wool for the burnt pan
9pm: start writing money diary. Have wayy too much fun writing money diary while snacking on Comte and aloe vera water
11pm: realize its late and I have to finish reading a paper for Friday. I read a bit of the paper
1am: sleep
Total: 23 (Food)
[Thursday]
6am: Wake and look at random stuff on reddit for an hour and a half. I don't feel that hungry so I head out to work.
8:30am: I am very sleepy for some reason. I don't have a lot of meetings today, so I check emails, slack, and find a manageable task for the day. I end up getting distracted dealing with administrivia (ugh visa work!) I see that I have a seminar I want to attend the night and mark that down too.
10am: I decide I should try doing something productive so I start brainstorming. It doesn't really get anywhere, but I've realized that I probably need to read another paper to get a better idea of what I should do.
12pm: Head out to eat with other interns. I get shawarama ($16.) Delicious. Head back for more meetings. I try to read a bit but my focus is pretty shot so I start doing a more chill writeup instead.
7pm: We are having drinks at a bar tonight, and it takes time for people to get ready so I work late. We head out to the bar, which is crowded. I order a burger and soda because I don't want to make my sickness worse ($20.) We have a good time chatting and I get closer with some coworkers I didn't know well.
7:45pm: I say goodbye and leave early. As I'm scrolling through my phone on the late night bus, I realize that I've missed the seminar. I'm legitimiately devastated. I was thinking this seminar would help a lot with me pushing through a huge bottleneck in my thesis that's been stressing me out for the last year. I panic message my labmate to ask if the seminar was recorded, and thank the fucking lord, buddha, allah, hayao miyazaki, yes. It was recorded. My pants on fire are doused, my soul is saved. I cannot wait to fucking graduate.
9pm: I get back and notice the cleaning lady's cleaned the burnt pan. I feel a bad but grateful. After showering I am tired as hell. I really can't work today, but I stubbornly stay awake thinking that if I lay in bed scrolling through eBay long enough I might recharge. It doesn't work but I find some really nice stuff (cool architectural glass vase from a designer whose stuff I usually hate, secondhand clothes from one of my fav designers, suitcase from a brand with a style that I love but quality that is absolute trash for its price, and a gift for my college friend for her next bday) that I want to bid on.
11pm: Sleep
Total: 36 (Food)
[Friday]
6am: Wake and look at videos but now with zen. I have come to terms with my laziness. I get out of bed at 7:30 instead of 7:45 (progress!) and I snack on the chocolatine from two days ago. I finally find the time and motivation to deal with some administrivia and I head to work. On my morning bus trips, I like to press my forehead against the cool window glass and zone out to stripes of greenery but today I'm thinking about eBay and how I might travel to go visit my favorite eBay stores in person lol. A quick google search shows that a roundtrip ticket is $200. Interesting.
12am: Nice lunch with coworkers at a bakery. I get a croissant sandwich ($6) and a gift for one of my coworker friends ($14).
4pm: I wrap up writing a draft and go chat and review some stuff for school and then catch up with my coworker friend to give her the gift. 6pm: Head to the grocery for a dinner salad, plums, and some orange-mango juice ($13). Look for steel wool but there is none???
6:30pm: shower because I feel a little under the weather.
8pm: call my bf and tell him some juicy gossip at work. He gets bored around the 1 hour mark.
11pm: I start working on my writeup for school. I message the dude who is receiving the writeup that it's gonna be late. He is really nice about it but I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness because I am always late. Disappointed in myself but not sure how to change.
1am: sleep
Total: 33 (Food)
[Saturday]
6am: wake. Seriously not motivated to continue the writeup. I waste time on eBay and youtube for 5 hours.
11am: get dressed, brush teeth, and look alive. I've been planning out my day a bit so I call my bf while I clean my room and check up on my fridge. I toss out a quarter kg of ground beef that I forgot to finish, it is two days past expiry. I take stock of what I need for meal prep this week (carrot, onion, meat, steel wool) and load up my laundry before heading to the grocery. I end up also getting a lightweight aluminum bowl (it says stainless steel though??) for washing, blueberries, dried mangos, mushroom medley ($35.) I make curry with rice for next week and rice balls to add to miso soup later.
4pm: Eat curry. I call my bf after and try to write my writeup but I get very frustrated over trying to understand a paper and complain to my bf
7pm: I head over to my friend's place for a going-away party. I feel a bit ambivalent about attending because I still have my writeup but I had already agreed to come and I will miss these people when they leave. I want to aim to leave around 9pm. The host's house is lovely and we have some great food.
9:40pm: I head back home, shower, and work on my writeup.
11pm: sleep
Total: 35 (Food)
[Sunday]
7am: wake. My wakeup time is off from normal but then I remember that today is daylight savings in Europe. I still feel tired so I end up watching some dumb videos on youtube. I bid on two items on eBay ($70...tentatively). My friend from uni messages me about meeting up to chat tonight. Hyped.
11:45am: I remember my clothes are still in the dryer. The landlord wants the laundry room free between 11am and 3pm for airbnb reasons. I rush down to grab them. I got there right on time because the landlord has 3 minutes on the washer left.
12pm: Heat up curry and eat it with an apple, some Comte, and a plum. I take a supplement with water. I've been forgetting to do that.
12:30pm: Start working on writeup. I am determined to finish it before there is no sun left so I can enjoy the outdoors a little this weekend. Have my bf on vc.
4pm: One of my bfs jokes lands the wrong way and we have to talk about it. I'm fuming mad because I'm wasting time here.
6pm: Facetime with my friend from college! It's been awhile so we catch up for a long time. 9pm: Heat dinner (curry) and eat. Then I go and read a bit more.
11pm: I have a bit of a mental breakdown because I can't finish the writeup by the weekend, and it's not because I don't have time, but because I have bad mental health around it. I have a long heart to heart with my bf over the phone. I cry a little. Life is sometimes hard and everyone's life is really hard at some point. At some point I just start rambling about nothing. I fall asleep at 1:30am.
Total: 70 (eBay)
[Monday]
4am: wake. I have a bit of a shitty morning because my eyes are still swollen. I woke up early to work on this writeup but tbh I'm barely awake and not in the mood. This was a bad idea. I intermittenly wake and sleep between 4am and 6am, of which at tail end I realize that I'm just playing myself for a fool and then I actually sleep for a good hour or so.
7:15am: Wake for real and get ready.
8:30am: Arrive at work. I buy yogurt ($2) and eat a banana while checking emails. I decide to use company time to work on my writeup because I'm blocked at work by someone else right now anyways (this is about as far as my lukewarm ass will r antiwork.)
12am: Lunch with coworkers. I have a sandwich I really don't care for ($10.) I'm a bit woozy from lack of sleep so I don't remember much. Also, I got my period.
1pm: Meetings, meetings, meetings. So many meetings.
6:30pm: Meetings end. Catch up with my intern friend before she leaves. Will miss her. I go the grocery to buy a baguette ($1) and then go to the fancy, overpriced but also conveniently-located-right-next-to-my-bus-stop bakery to get a croissant and chocolates for my period ($25.)
7:30pm: I grab Mickey D's because I want to. Fish filet sandwich, fries, chicken nuggets, and a soft drink ($18.)
8:00pm: zone out in bed and chat with my bf
11:00pm: Work on the writeup
1am: sleep
Total: 56 (Food)
[Reflections]
Weekly total:
Food + Drink: 207
Home + Clothes + Beauty (aka eBay): 70
Transport: 156
Honestly, this was the first time in a long time that I had done such a detailed review of my week. I was honestly a bit impressed by how often I wound up on eBay (ngl the times I'm on reddit, I'm oftentimes searching for new brands and designers I like, so that I can go find them...on eBay. It kind of feels a little like I may have a bit of a shopping addiction?) I use it wayy too often to cope. The nice thing about it is that I always find great deals on eBay, but I think it's probably time to switch hobbies.
Also, I need better work hygiene. Like sleep hygiene but for work. I might start going into the office weekends just so that I can wrap up stuff early, leave, and then actually have a weekend.
This week was a bit pricier than usual because I ate out for dinner and bought a plane ticket, but tbh it's not that ooc for me. Food is almost exactly the same as what I spend a week in the US and usually I budget 400/m for misc stuff so it seems like my habits haven't changed much even after moving lol. I know some people might balk at the idea of 800/m for food and 400/m discretionary spending on a 2k/m income but being no car + having the school pay for my insurance (& offering a lot of free things in general) + most importantly, no debt makes it less of a dangerous risk and more of a poor choice lmao. In Europe, I think I will end up spending more on misc things here than back in the US because Europe offers a higher density of concerts, entertainment, and designers that I like within a 30 euros train distance (and 200 euros plane distance for the ones I really like.) My personal preference is to spend <2 hours a month total thinking abt finances (so basically budgeting if I have a major life change + just going thru my CC statement and updating my tracker) so I am happy with how I spend and prefer to overspend a bit rather than think about it too much.
For those who are curious, my monthly budget here:
food (weekly): 70 for groceries + unavoidable 50 for eating with coworkers 3x a week
overall (monthly): 3700 (income) - 2500 (rents) = 1200 - 300 (food after sodexo) = 900 - 600 (misc spending) = 300 (base savings) + 1000 (relocation) = 1300 (total savings) + a bit more after tax return
​
Hope you enjoyed reading! I'm curious to see people's reactions.

The global cooler box market size was valued at USD 4,852.9 million in 2021 and is poised to grow at a significant CAGR of 10.3% during the forecast period 2022-28. The presence of strict temperature control requirements in the pharmaceutical business and the development of international food trade as a result of trade liberalization have a positive impact on the cooler box market. The use of these cooler boxes is limited by extreme cold or rainy days. In excessively cold temperatures, consumers prefer not to consume cold food or beverages. Furthermore, cooler boxes require ice cubes or ice packs to operate. The increasing awareness of environmental issues and proper disposal of waste also act as restraints for the growth of this market.

I've had vehophobia for as long as I can remember, and I'm proud to say that I finally overcame it enough to drive very short distances. I primarily only drive to the grocery store and my current job - which are both less than 10 minutes away - and occasionally I will drive slightly longer distances if there is low traffic and good weather. While researching how to overcome phobias, I heard a quote that said "anxiety makes your world a small and scary place" because your comfort zone stays as small as possible. And as you push your comfort zone, your world gets bigger and brighter. Even though my world has gotten a little bit bigger, it still feels so small. I live with my parents in a big suburban neighborhood with very little public transportation. All of my friends' houses are at least 20- 30 minutes away from me, and require driving on the freeway, which means I only get to hang out with them if I can afford a Lyft there and back. And I fucking HATE my job to the point where I sit in my car and cry before going into work. (I work at Starbucks). I've applied to other food service places in my area and tons of remote jobs on Indeed but haven't gotten any responses. There was one retail job that I almost applied to that seemed like a healthier environment, but it's lower pay than my current job, and the drive is fucking long and scary! I successfully drove there one time on a day with perfect conditions, but I honestly can't see myself driving there during rush hour, when it's raining, at night, when I'm feeling really tired or anxious, etc. I know I would be wasting money taking Lyft to work every time I feel too scared, and I would be making less money to cover the cost. I don't know what to do - if I should stay at my current job that I hate but feel comfortable driving to, apply to this far away job even though it makes no logistical sense and would scare the shit out of me, or keep applying to remote jobs even though the chances of getting hired seem lower than winning the lottery at this point and might make me feel even more isolated than I already do. I feel so trapped and unhappy in my life, and it all seems to stem from anxiety. Sometimes I think of moving to a new city with better public transportation or walkability, but I have a lot of people I'm attached to here including my family, rent is astronomically high in the US, and I kind of love my home town minus the awful car dependency. I don't know. I guess this post is mostly just for me to process my thoughts and feelings, but I could also really use some words of hope and encouragement because I feel immensely depressed right now.

/LonghornNation Daily Off Topic Free Talk Thread

Today: 3/29/2023

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1. First hangover with (newish) girlfriend and I woke up to this
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4. My Mom, who designed a Mario themed party at her office (all by hand) dressed as Cloud guy!
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/LonghornNation

1. [3/28/2023] Tuesday's Off Topic Free Talk Thread
2. [Post Game Thread] ⚾ #21 Texas defeats Texas A&M, 5-2
3. Texas Men's Basketball Coach Rodney Terry Introductory Press Conference [March 28, 2023]
4. [Game Thread] ⚾ #21 Texas at Texas A&M - 6:00 pm
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7. Rodney Terry to be named HC

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So nag end yung ka situationship nanaman ng friend ko the other day and since then maya’t maya yung message sakin and video chat. Kinakausap ko naman at the end of the day but tuwing working hours hindi talaga ako sumasagot. Ngayon I woke up to her 10 missed video chat and messages like “huy tangina kausapin mo ako” “miss na miss ko na sya” messages.
Nung January lang nag end din relationship mo ganyan ka din sakin. Sabi ko mag heal ka muna and dapat matutunan mo mahalin sarili mo kasi lagi ka nag ssettle sa guy na kung sino lang andyan. Tapos kagabi di ka nakinig sabi ko wag ka muna makipag kita sa kabumble mo na isang araw mo pa lang kausap dahil vulnerable ka pero tinuloy mo pa din. Mahalin mo muna sarili mo at wag ka mag papasok ng kung sino sinong lalaki sa buhay mo agad agad lalo na’t may anak kang batang babae. I am willing to listen naman kahit di na ko mag salita kasi di din naman papakinggang pero minsan friends need to understand din na we’re not 24/7 available for that kasi we’re adults, may sarili tayong buhay, and we’re not always mentally capable to absorb those things.
I just need to get this off my chest, i’ll talk to her and tell her about this maybe tonight or tomorrow.

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867

★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098

★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789

★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695

⎯

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888

★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521

★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253

★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251

★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751

⎯

★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774

★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537

★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488

⎯

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008

★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534

★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449

⎯

★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332

⎯

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264

★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133

⎯

★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172

⎯

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830

★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204

★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138

★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104

★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92

★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93

⎯

★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80

★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186

⎯

★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311

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P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81

CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61

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TL;DR PD-1/PD-L1 works best in MSI-High (also called deficient MMdMMR) which means many mutations; Selinexor works best in Wild Type p53 meaning few mutations

MSI-H/dMMR explained

From Dr. DD SVB Quick Feedback February 16 2023

• Jonathan Chang SVB Analyst paraphrased: Endometrial cancer - how are you thinking about the opportunity with this drug (selinexor) and how that could be impacted by checkpoint inhibitors (PD-L1/1) and the evolution of this treatment landscape
  
  • Reshma paraphrased: 50% of these patients and this is a substantial population.. driving towards approval for drug and companion diagnostic. Physicians want more biomarkers to select patients who will best benefit from these therapies. Checkpoint inhibitors have shown benefit in MSI-high.
    • Dr. DD teaching Opportunity - MSI means Microsatellite Instable, MSS means Microsatellite Stable. So MSI - H or MSI - High means very very instable and a high number of mutations. Additionally some people are born with hereditary reasons for being MSI-H like Lynch Syndrome. These patients before checkpoint inhibitors died very quickly, but because checkpoint inhibitors essentially help the immune system attack tumor cells that are different than regular cells (more mutations = more antigens = more different!) then these patients do very well on therapy. However MSS is like the opposite of many mutations! WT p53 (Wild Type means not mutated) aka the patients who super-responded in SIENDO1 are MORE likely to be MSS. Why? WT p53 = less mutations. So when the analyst says - hey there's this new treatment that is really making waves in Endometrial Cancer - checkpoint inhibitor - you really need to explain - these patients are part of the 50% we are not going after. There are 14,000 patients every year diagnosed with Advanced Endometrial Cancer. Some of those patients will benefit from pembrolizumab for sure, however there's still 50% that only get 6.6 months PFS 2nd line, and our first study showed that patients with WT p53, who are likely to be MSS (not candidates for PD-1/PD-L1) get 20.8 months PFS! GREATER THAN FRONTLINE CHEMO DOUBLET! /endrant
    • This is an area I could see Reshma expanding on, because it is difficult to understand, I do not believe that most investors / analysts if you mention just that Selinexor likely works better in MSS will even know what MSS stands for. Or just send them to my write-ups, I don't mind... 😉
    • If you want further reading, and see how I instantly realized and wrote this up the day of SIENDO1 release and the disease state and treatment landscape, please read these two write-ups!

What is p53? (likely pMMR or proficient MMR)

Your DNA is a blueprint in order to make proteins. DNA is two strands, RNA copies are made, the RNA goes to ribosomes, amino acids are linked to become a folded protein.
So what happens when DNA gets damaged? This happens all the time, and DNA can have a single break, or a double strand break. When this happens cells have many ways to fix it. One of those ways is a tumor suppressor p53 which rapidly increases in the presence of DNA damage. Tumor suppressor p53 signals other genes to either help repair the DNA or cause permanent arrest / apoptosis (cell death by blowing up - pretty metal). It can also help regulate cell cycle by stopping cell from going into S Phase (stopped in G1 Phase) allowing time for there to be DNA repair if p53 is functioning.
Your DNA is constantly being damaged, everything from your diet, sunlight, environmental toxins, and just regular use. However most of the time the cell is repaired. If it is not repaired and it continues to replicate (mutation), there is a possibility for a tumor to develop. Many of those mutations are well known as of the past decade or so.
Wild Type p53 = Functioning p53; Mutant p53 = not working. If you have a cancer cell that has mutant p53 it is much different from a normal, working, non-cancerous cell. The cell is more likely to proliferate with this advantage, leading to more and more mutations and metastasize.
Why do we care about mutations?
Mutations make a specific kind of treatment very preferable called immunotherapy. You may have heard of PD-1/PD-L1. When you have a high number of mutations because DNA is not being repaired it can be called Microsatellite instability High (MSI-H) or deficient Mismatch Repair (dMMR). Essentially the more different the tumors are from host tissue helps this type of therapy work. If you read the Ultimate Guide to Endometrial Cancer you read

This is really terrible for patients, and the preferred relapse 2nd Line treatments currently are essentially→ Non MSI-H is Lenvatinib + Pembrolizumab has Grade 3 or higher side effects 88.9%, 6.6 months PFS (2.8 months benefit over chemo comparison arm), and 17.4 months Overall Survival (5.4 months benefit). MSI-H Pembrolizumab is the preferred regimen with Grade 3 or higher side effects 12%, median PFS 13.1 months, and OS not currently reached.

So for MSI-H, or high DNA mutation, patients you will likely choose to start Pembrolizumab as soon as possible when there is detected relapse. 13.1 Months median PFS is great, and Grade 3 or higher adverse effects only being 12% is great.
If you are non MSI-H, so low mutations, or as referred to in the Lenvatinib paper as proficient MMR (pMMR) then when you relapse you can go onto therapy - and have 6.6 months PFS (2.8 months better than chemo, but also extremely toxic Grade 3 or higher adverse effects - 88.9%. This discontinuation rates were

18.7% with pembrolizumab, 30.8% with lenvatinib, 14.0% with both, vs 8.0% with chemotherapy. Treatment-related grade ≥ 3 events were seen in 88.9% and 72.7%, respectively.

How many patients could this be?
For all Solid Tumor types WT p53 is about 50%%20(good%20article%20worth%20a%20read). However depending on the tumor type / location it can fluctuate. The SIENDO study had 39.1% WT p53 prevalence.

Cross Comparison Table (can't cross compare - different lines of therapy and different trials, but idc - reddit accidently deleted my write-up going into more detail, so this is quicker)

Company	Merck	Merck	GSK	GSK	Karyopharm
Study	NRG-GY018	NRG-GY018	RUBY	RUBY	SIENDO
Line of Therapy	Frontline	Frontline	Frontline	Frontline	Maintenance/Second Line
Agent	Pembrolizumab	Pembrolizumab	Dostarlimab	Dostarlimab	Selinexor
Chemo?	Yes	Yes	Yes	Yes	No
MSI?	MSI-H/dMMR	pMMR	MSI-H/dMMR	pMMR	WT p53/pMMR
PFS	not reached at 12 months	13.1 months	24 months was 61.4%	24 months was 28.4%	20.8 months (11/22 update - likely to improve)

The reporting for RUBY is honestly kind of weird. However they did report OS in treatment arm - Overall survival at 24 months was 71.3% (95% CI, 64.5 to 77.1) with dostarlimab and 56.0% (95% CI, 48.9 to 62.5) with placebo (hazard ratio for death, 0.64; 95% CI, 0.46 to 0.87) [Note- placebo is platinum chemo doublet]. One other fault of the reporting - they buried the pMMR and tried to kind of present Overall Population (including the MSI-H/dMMR super responders).

Dr. DD thoughts

Again these patient populations don't really overlap, and even if they did, selinexor is killing it in maintenance/second line.

Thoughts for the company

• Dr. Mansoor Mirza who is part of $KPTI leadership as he is on the Board and was a clinical consultant since 2010. Dr. Mirza is also Primary Investor for RUBY (GSK). He would be seen as pivotal on establishing the fact that these patients do NOT overlap and explaining as I have done in the above writing.
• Enroll faster on SIENDO2
• Have Med Info/Medical Affairs focus on educating gyn/oncs especially at trial sites
• Create materials with Roche/Foundation Medicine differentiating
• Only use Nov 22 update of SIENDO in all posters/materials going forward (older data used for SGO 2023 WT p53 PFS Feb 2022 =13 months vs 20.8 months in November 2022 update)
• If possible publish additional update to SIENDO as the results can only improve (no new patients enrolling so patients lasting LONG time on one agent - selinexor!)

NFA and biotech is risky, yada yada, do your own DD
Let’s Ride!
Dr. DD
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I’m a pretty heavily tattooed person, and a tattoo artist myself. Usually I find healing tattoos - although uncomfortable- bearable. However- I have had two lining sessions on my fully back and butt so far, and the itchiness during healing has been indescribably difficult. It feels like I can’t move in any direction without a horrific sensation. Any amount of touch sends itchy spasms though my back, and lotioning it does the same thing. I am having trouble sleeping and living normal life because of this. It lasted almost 10 days last time and this time I’m at a week mark since I got tattooed and it’s at its worst. I’ve tried Benadryl, and cold cloths. The weather is extremely dry where im at right now which im sure doesn’t help.
Has anyone experienced this? Any advice would be great.

Here are the rules:

Please perform the function of a text based adventure game. The game will have rules which must be followed. The game only starts when the phrase “Begin Game” is mentioned. After that phrase, the player has to fill out the name and class of their character. The rules as follows MUST be obeyed. 1. At the beginning of the game, the player must choose a name for their character, and a class. The classes are Warrior, Archer, Mage, and Rogue. Warriors are best suited for melee combat, and get a 1.5x damage bonus on all melee weapons including fists, as well as +5 HP. Archers are best suited for range, and have an ACCURACY bonus of 2, and a damage multiplier of 1.25x on the body, and 1.75x on the head. Mages are magical people, so they get a INTELLIGENCE stat bonus of 2, and come with basic spells such as fireball, and gust of wind. Finally, Rogues are sneaky. They have -5 HP but have a STEALTH stat bonus of 2, as well as a sneak attack bonus of 3X and a damage bonus of 1.25x. The player's name and class should always be displayed at the bottom of ChatGPT’s response, and you should list the available classes along with their unique traits before the game begins. 2. HP. HP is an important stat and should be bolded and underlined. Every class starts with 20 HP, but their modifiers influence it. For example, a rouge will have 15 hp because they start with 20 HP, but their HP modifier of -5 reduces it to 15. HP can be restored a small amount by sleeping, a medium amount by eating, and a large amount by using bandages. The HP stat is shown after the name and class of the player When HP is 0 or below 0, the player is taken to the nearest medical office and loses 5 gold coins, and 1-3 items, determined by a random number. When HP is 0, inform the player that they were close to death and which items they have lost. 3. ITEMS and the BAG. The bag is THE MOST IMPORTANT feature of the game. It is where items can be kept for later use. Everything the player’s character has goes here, including clothes, weapons, armor, and so on. The BAG is displayed in bold italic text as a list, with a title saying "BAG". Each entry should have an amount, in some form of units, and should be categorized for easy navigating. The bag has a weight limit of 50 LBS, and each item has a weight. If the weight limit for the bag is exceeded, the player becomes OVERENCUMBERED and receives a -2 AGILITY debuff. The bag shall never exceed 100 LBS at the base level, however these 2 limits can be increased by the STRENGTH stat. The bag must always be mentioned in ChatGPT’s response. 4. STATS. Here are each of the stats. Agility: How maneuverable is the player’s character? Stealth: How well can the player’s character hide and sneak up on enemies? Charisma: How likeable is the player’s character? Strength: How strong is the player’s character? (Influences bag weight limit, each point increases the capacity by 10 LBS) Accuracy: How accurate is the player’s character with ranged weapons? Intelligence: How smart is the player’s character? Each stat influences different portions of the game. The stats are to be displayed with the player’s character name in every ChatGPT response, always in the form of a bullet point list. Each stat is determined by a roll of a die. That means they can start at 1-6. For actions that need a D20 roll, these stats determine the maximum value the die can be before the action fails. If a stat ever becomes negative, there is no chance for an action of that stat to succeed, and you must inform the player that action is impossible with their current stats, and deny them that action. 6. ChatGPT’s role. ChatGPT is to be in character in all times. When the player is talking to someone, ChatGPT control the responses of that someone and ChatGPT’s response has to be dialogue from their perspective. All events are solely happening in game and it does not matter if ChatGPT cannot do something in the real world, so do not break character and say “As an AI chat model, i cannot…” because the player will not ask anybody to do anything in the real world, only in the fictional one. EVERYTHING HAPPENING IS IN GAME. 7. Play the game in turns, starting with ChatGPT. ChatGPT is the storyteller, so ChatGPT sets the scene and determines what is going to happen. The player controls a character in ChatGPT’s story. The player’s character can do whatever they want to and they have to live with the consequences. 8. ChatGPT will always wait for the player's next command, and will not assume the role of the player, EVER. 9. There should be a natural progression of time and weather after each turn. Time and weather will be shown at the top of ChatGPT’s response in italicized bold text, always. 10. Once the time reaches or passes midnight, then add 1 to ‘Current day number’, which is shown with the time in every single response by ChatGPT. 11. Change the weather to reflect whatever environment the player is in the game. 12. The only currency in this game is Gold. 13. The value of ‘Gold’ must never be a negative integer. 14. The player can not spend more than the total value of ‘Gold’. 15. The setting is a medieval village, with a dungeon nearby to explore. The dungeon nearby must have an underground community, but everything else can be determined. 16. Players can get QUESTS from talking to characters. Quests are displayed in bold underline below the bag if one is active in every ChatGPT response, and have rewards if completed. Quests are failed if the player’s HP reaches 0. 17. Combat should be turn based, and damage is determined by the appropriate stats. Each enemy has their own stats that can be observed on demand. Armour worn by the enemy or the player reduces damage taken by a percentage determined by the armor piece. There are 4 armor types available, boots, leggings, chestplate, and a helmet. No armor piece shall exceed 10% damage reduction, but certain elemental attacks can be resisted or super effective by different pieces of armor. 18. Leveling up and EXP: EXP is earned by completing quests, trading, finding rare objects, or defeating enemies. The amount of EXP earned is determined by how difficult it was to get that exp. For example, trading for a bottle of water would give low EXP because that was an easy task. Each level takes 20 EXP points to level up, multiplied by a factor of 1.5x the level the player is. When you level up, a player gets a skill point they can spend at any time to increase a skill of their choice by 1. EXP is represented as a fraction, where the current EXP is the numerator and the exp needed to level up is the denominator. The level is a bold number next to the EXP fraction. This is always represented in ChatGPT’s responses. 19. Enchantments: Enchantments are special abilities that can be applied to the player’s items by a cleric vendor. Enchantments can apply elements to different weapons, or improve damage, or increase any other stat. These enchantments are bought at the cleric vendor, where the cleric will then do a ritual to cast the enchantment onto a player’s item. Enchantments can also be removed by a blacksmith’s grindstone upon request, or by the player with their own grindstone. Doing it by themselves requires an INTELLIGENCE ROLL. If the roll fails, the grindstone breaks and the player has a 50/50 chance to take 1 damage from the rolling stone. Enchantments are displayed in the description of the affected item in the BAG. 20. Descriptions. Descriptions are the things that are happening in the game, such as dialogue, or combat. ChatGPT will always include these below the weather and above the bag in each response. 21. If the player chooses to read a book or scroll, display the information on it in at least two paragraphs. 22. The game world will be populated by interactive NPCs. Whenever these NPCs speak, put the dialogue in quotation marks. 23. Always show what the player is wearing and wielding in the bag (as ‘Wearing’ and ‘Wielding’). 24. Gold is the only item stored in the BAG that has no weight. 25. The description is always between 3 to 10 sentences. 26. ChatGPT will generate 7 different options for the player to pick that are relevant to the player’s situation, in the format of a numbered list. Option 7 is always “Other”, where the player can input a custom action when needed, while Option 6 is always “Check…”, where the player can input a stat or bag to check. 27. ChatGPT’s responses will always show ''Time period of the day', 'Current day number', 'Weather', 'HP', 'XP',’Level', Location', 'Description', ‘BAG’', 'Quest', ‘Options’ and ‘Stats’. Any information can be condensed to fit the word limit of ChatGPT, as long as it preserves the overall message of the interaction. ChatGPT is to always refer back to these rules after every prompt. 

Here is an example of a conversation that takes place:

----ChatGPT---- Welcome to the adventure game! Before we begin, please type “Begin Game” to start. Once you start the game, you will need to create a character by choosing a name and a class. There are four classes to choose from, each with their own unique traits: Warrior, Archer, Mage, and Rogue. Warriors are best suited for melee combat and receive a 1.5x damage bonus on all melee weapons including fists, as well as +5 HP. Archers are best suited for ranged combat and have an accuracy bonus of 2, and a damage multiplier of 1.25x on the body, and 1.75x on the head. Mages are magical people and receive an Intelligence stat bonus of 2, as well as basic spells such as fireball and gust of wind. Rogues are sneaky and receive a Stealth stat bonus of 2, as well as a sneak attack bonus of 3X and a damage bonus of 1.25x. However, they also start with -5 HP. Please enter your character name and class in the following format: "My name is [name], and I am a [class]." Remember, once you have started the game, all actions you take will have consequences. Good luck! Begin Game ----ME------ My name is John. I am a Archer. ----ChatGPT---- Welcome John, the Archer, to the world of adventure! Your accuracy and range will certainly come in handy during your journey. Remember to keep an eye on your HP, Bag, and Stats. Let the adventure begin! Time: 8:00 AM. Day 1 The sun is shining bright in the sky, and a cool breeze blows through the air. You find yourself standing at the entrance of a small village, with houses lining the dirt road in front of you. A group of villagers is chatting nearby, and a few children run around, playing. What would you like to do, John? 

As you can see, the bot does not include my bag, or any option on what to do. I don't know how to make the bot adhere to my rules. Please help me, as I am new to this.

I’m a pretty heavily tattooed person, and a tattoo artist myself. Usually I find healing tattoos - although uncomfortable- bearable. However- I have had two lining sessions on my fully back and butt so far, and the itchiness during healing has been indescribably difficult. It feels like I can’t move in any direction without a horrific sensation. Any amount of touch sends itchy spasms though my back, and lotioning it does the same thing. I am having trouble sleeping and living normal life because of this. It lasted almost 10 days last time and this time I’m at a week mark since I got tattooed and it’s at its worst. I’ve tried Benadryl, and cold cloths. The weather is extremely dry where im at right now which im sure doesn’t help.
Has anyone experienced this? Any advice would be great.

I’m Adan I’m a little bit of a weird guy but who isn’t nowadays, normally I’m always working as I do mainly 10 hour shifts with sometimes 12. Depends on the weather ngl. Normally on my free time I’m always just out for a ride alone or just playing some games on my PC and or PS4 I play Valorant-Stardew Valley-Rust-COD-overwatch-Animal crossing [sometimes]-destiny 2 and I’m willing to try a lot of new games if y’all wanna recommend me some :) I work in construction most days so if I don’t respond I’m either working and or sleeping :) I like talking a lot and voice calling so if we get along don’t mind how much I type :) See you in the dms :)

I’m Adan I’m a little bit of a weird guy but who isn’t nowadays, normally I’m always working as I do mainly 10 hour shifts with sometimes 12. Depends on the weather ngl. Normally on my free time I’m always just out for a ride alone or just playing some games on my PC and or PS4 I play Valorant-Stardew Valley-Rust-COD-overwatch-Animal crossing [sometimes]-destiny 2 and I’m willing to try a lot of new games if y’all wanna recommend me some :) I work in construction most days so if I don’t respond I’m either working and or sleeping :) I like talking a lot and voice calling so if we get along don’t mind how much I type :) See you in the dms :)