"Sure, I would be happy to tell you a story about Star vs. The Forces of Evil!
Once upon a time, Star Butterfly, the princess of Mewni, was preparing for her first date with Marco Diaz, her best friend from Earth. They had been through many adventures together, but this was different. Star was nervous and excited all at once.
The two of them met up in a beautiful garden, lit by twinkling fairy lights. Marco had brought Star a bouquet of her favorite flowers, and she was thrilled.
They strolled through the gardens, talking and laughing, enjoying each other's company. Star was amazed at how much fun she was having. Marco had a way of making everything feel more magical.
As they walked, they came to a small lake. It was quiet and peaceful, and the moon reflected beautifully on the water. Suddenly, Star gasped, as she realized that Marco had arranged a private boat ride for them.
The boats floated slowly across the water, and Star and Marco snuggled up under a cozy blanket, watching the stars above. They talked and shared stories, and Star felt like she was in a fairy tale.
Eventually, the boat ride ended, and they found themselves back on shore. Marco had one last surprise for Star – he had arranged for them to watch a fireworks show.
As the colorful bursts lit up the night sky, Star realized that this was the best date she had ever been on. She was amazed at how much thought and care Marco had put into it.
At the end of the night, Marco walked Star back to her castle, and they shared a sweet kiss. They both felt happy and excited about what the future held for them.
And so, this date became the start of a beautiful new chapter in their friendship, one filled with love and excitement."
I didn't type this this was made from the ai bought
I'm scared and impressed

It's easy for junk to build up in your home or office when you clean out. You will need a way to dispose of all your junk, whether you are remodeling, decluttering or doing a big-scale cleanout. This is where Dumpster Rental Lake San Marcos come in. Renting a dumpster is an excellent way to dispose of large amounts of waste, debris, and unwanted items quickly and efficiently. Dumpster 4 Rental Company is a well known business in San Diego since 2010. We provide dumpster rental service from Small Household to Large Construction Projects. If you are remodeling your home, garage cleanup, doing a heavy-duty yard work, or doing tree trimming, you can rent our Dumpsters. We have different size dumpsters available to rent. We Provide Same Day or Next Day Deliveries. We also provide multiple dumpster deliveries. We respect our customer's time and money, that's why we provide On time delivery at affordable Prices. We make the Dumpster Rental process easy for you: You can place an order by calling us: (858) 252-0012, we will deliver the dumpster to your home, and once you done, we can haul it away for you. We have Fixed Prices, which includes: 7 Days Rental Period, Delivery, Pickup and Disposal.

I grew up sailing Sunfish on Lake Michigan and it’s so fun to see all your photos.
I now live in Colorado (less sailing here) and have been getting into sewing bikepacking bags. I’d love to do more upcycling, but I’m in need of some sturdy fabric.
Anyone have an old Sunfish sail they’d sell me?! eBay and the rest of the used sail internet is a bit lacking.
I’m particularly into the blue/rainbow stripe, the old orange/yellow/red, or the purple/pink/green neon ones, but there are so many gorgeous color combos.
I hope this isn’t sacrelige - I know sometimes people buy boats to restore and end up buying replacement sails, so I just thought I’d ask. Middling condition is fine, as I can use what is salvageable and definitely don’t want to be cutting up perfectly good sails. Thanks in advance!

Last night I dreamt I was in a boat on a lake. Swimming & looking for old glass bottles. When I woke up this morning and checked my phone, I had an alert that said there was water in the charging port 😳

Crossposting here from /HVACadvice, since my question is largely electrical, but happens to involve an HVAC split head unit.
Greetings and salutations electrical experts...I am hopefully lobbing a softball into the mix here, but can't seem to find anything definitive on the topic. I am asking the question up front to save from any TL:DR, but the details are below for anyone who can possibly help a very capable fellow human who does not want to bork a device.
I have a Mr. Slim unit (model number MS09NW) from some time ago (lets say before 2010, so def nothing new with features or anything) that has sat in storage for some time, and now I have recently acquired a new room where HVAC is provided, but has no fan or temp settings. Because it is a space where I manipulate sound, I want to use Mr. Slim as a quiet fan as I know from its previous installation it provides for a lot of air movement with minimal noise.
Is it possible to just run some simple AC power to this thing, put a battery in the remote, mount it on the wall, and expect that it can just be used as a fan? As a bonus, without the compressor unit, would it dehumidify?
If I am reading things correctly, it is proper installation that its powered remotely from the head compressor unit. Granted I didn't look very deep into it, but that's what the instructions seem to indicate. However, it is not feasible to put the compressopower unit anywhere, so including it in the picture is not an option. I am in a basement with multiple rooms and its a rental work space, so there is no means of mounting the compressor outside, running power, etc. My only option is to plug it in, with the (less safe) option to run power off of one of the ceiling light junction boxes which I can reach from a ladder, and I have access to a breaker box to shut power down to wire it in. Although, building management might not love for me to do that without their approval, and being as I'm not a licensed electrician, I don't love it either. So I'd rather just give it a cable to plug in.
So, in short...I just want to mount the head unit on the wall, plug it into a protected and isolated power strip with a built in 15 amp breaker, and if possible, operate it entirely with the remote. That being said, I would concede to being able to turn it off and on with just a power switch if the remote options are also located on the compressor unit, I didn't dig too deep into how all that works. I'm assuming by virtue of cost and simplicity that the logic circuity that runs the device is located in the head unit, and sends commands to the compressor when its supposed to do things by the 12v DC wiring connections. But if it was simply and only able to be on full blast or off, I would accept this and still use it, and just turn it off and on manually as needed.
Yes, I can hear you saying, just buy a different fan! But I don't want to and/or would rather not spend the money on a quiet studio grade fan when I already own this unit. A unit as quiet as this would likely send me towards a Dyson or something of that nature, which I love, but this also exists, and its wall mountable up high, right under the incoming air vent. This is purely for the movement of air in a soundproofed room which gets a bit stuffy once all the gear is powered up.
I am planning to add a in-ceiling vent fan to the outtake vent, which I know will help matters some or a lot as well, but I am also aware that those don't tend to be on the quiet side, and I need quiet for this to work. If you have any recommendations on one of those that doesn't sound like a gas station bathroom or a speed boat, I'm all ears!
Thank you in advance, HVAC is definitely not my world, and I appreciate any and all help or information, and hell, even snark. What would the internet be without snark?

I admittedly don’t have too much on the ol’ horror-dar for upcoming movies. I’m really excited for Evil Dead: Rise and am genuinely intrigued to see what they do with that camp crystal lake show.
What are some movies you guys are really looking forward to this year? I’m gunna make a list!
Oh Malum looks kinda cool too if you liked Last Shift.

Greetings and salutations HVAC experts...I am hopefully lobbing a softball into the mix here, but can't seem to find anything definitive on the topic. I am asking the question up front to save from any TL:DR, but the details are below for anyone who can possibly help a very capable fellow human who does not want to bork a device.
I have a Mr. Slim unit (model number MS09NW) from some time ago (lets say before 2010, so def nothing new with features or anything) that has sat in storage for some time, and now I have recently acquired a new room where HVAC is provided, but has no fan or temp settings. Because it is a space where I manipulate sound, I want to use Mr. Slim as a quiet fan as I know from its previous installation it provides for a lot of air movement with minimal noise.
Is it possible to just run some simple AC power to this thing, put a battery in the remote, mount it on the wall, and expect that it can just be used as a fan? As a bonus, without the compressor unit, would it dehumidify?
If I am reading things correctly, it is proper installation that its powered remotely from the head compressor unit. Granted I didn't look very deep into it, but that's what the instructions seem to indicate. However, it is not feasible to put the compressopower unit anywhere, so including it in the picture is not an option. I am in a basement with multiple rooms and its a rental work space, so there is no means of mounting the compressor outside, running power, etc. My only option is to plug it in, with the (less safe) option to run power off of one of the ceiling light junction boxes which I can reach from a ladder, and I have access to a breaker box to shut power down to wire it in. Although, building management might not love for me to do that without their approval, and being as I'm not a licensed electrician, I don't love it either. So I'd rather just give it a cable to plug in.
So, in short...I just want to mount the head unit on the wall, plug it into a protected and isolated power strip with a built in 15 amp breaker, and if possible, operate it entirely with the remote. That being said, I would concede to being able to turn it off and on with just a power switch if the remote options are also located on the compressor unit, I didn't dig too deep into how all that works. I'm assuming by virtue of cost and simplicity that the logic circuity that runs the device is located in the head unit, and sends commands to the compressor when its supposed to do things by the 12v DC wiring connections. But if it was simply and only able to be on full blast or off, I would accept this and still use it, and just turn it off and on manually as needed.
Yes, I can hear you saying, just buy a different fan! But I don't want to and/or would rather not spend the money on a quiet studio grade fan when I already own this unit. A unit as quiet as this would likely send me towards a Dyson or something of that nature, which I love, but this also exists, and its wall mountable up high, right under the incoming air vent. This is purely for the movement of air in a soundproofed room which gets a bit stuffy once all the gear is powered up.
I am planning to add a in-ceiling vent fan to the outtake vent, which I know will help matters some or a lot as well, but I am also aware that those don't tend to be on the quiet side, and I need quiet for this to work. If you have any recommendations on one of those that doesn't sound like a gas station bathroom or a speed boat, I'm all ears!
Thank you in advance, HVAC is definitely not my world, and I appreciate any and all help or information, and hell, even snark. What would the internet be without snark?

CAREER EMPLOYEES! Tired of seeing all these jobs go to the street? Your chance to join the gravy train ranks is almost gone! Apply yourself, you can do it! MSS Coordinator varies by District.
New record on MM-7 mechanic jobs. USPS really out to fuck the people that are already career, they're not even trying to hide it. Also, I forgot how to count. Moved ahead a month oops - take two!
​
Good afternoon. Brief listing of CAREER JOBS pulled from usps.com/careers/ for your convenience.
Some jobs may be part-time regular however all listed jobs should qualify for federal benefits from day one. To save text I have only listed the location and date of posting for each. Use the posting number for your search term. LC and MM are entry-level Maintenance. Here is a testimonial from a recent convert, prima1981.
​
NOTE: USPS NEVER charges a fee for entrance exams. If payment is requested during the application process, walk the fuck away, go to usps.com/careers/ and APPLY THERE. We even has a video walkthrough prepared.
​
Laborer Custodial:
CANAL WINCHESTER OH NC11298992 03/23/2023
GRANVILLE OH NC11298999 03/23/2023
CHARLEVOIX MI NC11297550 03/22/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11272282 03/16/2023
REDMOND WA NC11290022 03/15/2023
KETCHUM ID NC11302140 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301053 03/25/2023
BRATTLEBORO VT NC11300914 03/25/2023
DICKINSON ND NC11300841 03/24/2023
BISMARCK ND NC11300837 03/24/2023
BISMARCK ND NC11300831 03/24/2023
CROOKSTON MN NC11300673 03/24/2023
WHITE RIVER JUNCTION VT NC11300224 03/24/2023
FENTON MO NC11299177 03/24/2023
BOSTON MA NC11299139 03/24/2023
PENDLETON OR NC11299123 03/24/2023
GRAY GA NC11297961 03/23/2023
LAGRANGE GA NC11297953 03/23/2023
JESUP GA NC11297950 03/23/2023
KINGSLAND GA NC11297774 03/23/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297767 03/23/2023
HICKORY NC NC11297724 03/23/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11296097 03/22/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11285816 03/20/2023
LEESBURG VA NC11294817 03/19/2023
TRAVERSE CITY MI NC11293101 03/18/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301206 03/25/2023
​
Maintenance Mechanic:
SHREWSBURY MA NC11299180 03/24/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11289187 03/21/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11299102 03/23/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11298964 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11302501 03/25/2023
PHOENIX AZ NC11294808 03/20/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302228 03/25/2023
OAKLAND CA NC11299110 03/23/2023
MERRIFIELD VA NC11294815 03/19/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11297952 03/23/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288732 03/20/2023
JAMAICA NY NC11288847 03/25/2023
HARTFORD CT NC11300915 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301200 03/25/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11302407 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293083 03/18/2023
MELVILLE NY NC11288826 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288711 03/20/2023
CHICAGO IL NC11292143 03/17/2023
AUGUSTA GA NC11292936 03/17/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302333 03/25/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11289177 03/21/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288728 03/20/2023
CAROL STREAM IL NC11292109 03/17/2023
HISTORIC NEW CASTLE DE NC11299043 03/26/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301213 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301150 03/25/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11299029 03/23/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302325 03/25/2023
MACON GA NC11292871 03/17/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301171 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301158 03/25/2023
KEARNY NJ NC11296167 03/27/2023
DES MOINES IA NC11302145 03/25/2023
DALLAS TX NC11299590 03/24/2023
COPPELL TX NC11299592 03/24/2023
BELL GARDENS CA NC11287325 03/21/2023
FARMINGTON NM NC11294794 03/20/2023
​
Special! Interesting Maintenance Jobs: (may be skills required)
​
Maintenance Mechanic MPE:
CAPITOL HEIGHTS MD NC11297600 03/23/2023
MELVILLE NY NC11288829 03/25/2023
FARGO ND NC11302226 03/25/2023
DULLES VA NC11294816 03/19/2023
WEST FARGO ND NC11302193 03/25/2023
WAITE PARK MN NC11304276 03/26/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302284 03/25/2023
FARGO ND NC11302190 03/25/2023
BOSTON MA NC11296309 03/22/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11289175 03/21/2023
PORTLAND OR NC11301307 03/25/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297723 03/23/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302329 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293003 03/18/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301303 03/25/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11288712 03/20/2023
DALLAS TX NC11299578 03/24/2023
​
Building Equipment Mechanic:
HEIGHTS MD NC11290064 03/16/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302244 03/25/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302230 03/25/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11302294 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA NC11294603 03/18/2023
​
Garage Assistant:
MCALLEN TX NC11291630 03/16/2023
AURORA IL NC11302233 03/25/2023
​
General Clerk VMF:
MANCHESTER NH NC11299377 03/24/2023
​
Electronic Technician:
NORTH READING MA NC11299182 03/24/2023
CHICAGO IL NC11292188 03/17/2023
DETROIT MI NC11300595 03/24/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11301165 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11297768 03/23/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302246 03/25/2023
WHITE PLAINS NY NC11301212 03/25/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11293110 03/18/2023
CAPITOL HEIGHTS MD NC11294867 03/19/2023
MANKATO MN NC11302194 03/25/2023
NORTH READING MA NC11297614 03/23/2023
BEMIDJI MN NC11300829 03/24/2023
COPPELL TX NC11299593 03/24/2023
LUBBOCK TX NC11294802 03/19/2023
PHILADELPHIA PA NC11302236 03/25/2023
WASHINGTON DC NC11297954 03/23/2023
WEST FARGO ND NC11302144 03/25/2023
​
NON-Maintenance jerbs:
​
SALES,SVCS/DISTRIBUTION ASSOC:
GLASGOW MT NC11296091 03/21/2023
MAPLE FALLS WA NC11296082 03/19/2023
FLORA VISTA NM NC11305346 03/28/2023
EASTSOUND WA NC11295971 03/20/2023
CULLEOKA TN NC11294523 03/18/2023
CORVALLIS MT NC11299118 03/24/2023
WYMORE NE NC11299107 03/23/2023
PALMYRA VA NC11299598 03/24/2023
FREELAND WA NC11301079 03/25/2023
BASSETT NE NC11294668 03/18/2023
SPRINGDALE WA NC11296087 03/20/2023
PERKINSTON MS NC11297989 03/23/2023
SELLS AZ NC11302414 03/25/2023
KENAI AK NC11300907 03/24/2023
ASPEN CO NC11297726 03/23/2023
ABERDEEN MS NC11297984 03/23/2023
BORGER TX NC11299103 03/24/2023
HONEY BROOK PA NC11296174 03/22/2023
DALLASTOWN PA NC11296576 03/22/2023
WATERLOO NE NC11298987 03/23/2023
VALDERS WI NC11301030 03/25/2023
SELLS AZ NC11302451 03/25/2023
RUTLAND MA NC11299516 03/24/2023
ROY WA NC11296081 03/20/2023
REEDLEY CA NC11296222 03/24/2023
QUILCENE WA NC11296078 03/20/2023
PIEDMONT OK NC11297962 03/23/2023
ORTING WA NC11297556 03/22/2023
ORLEANS MA NC11298202 03/23/2023
OLIVET MI NC11291746 03/17/2023
HILLS IA NC11299034 03/23/2023
ESSEX MA NC11296340 03/22/2023
DEXTER OR NC11296094 03/21/2023
COOL CA NC11300901 03/24/2023
CLARKSTON WA NC11295974 03/20/2023
BETHPAGE TN NC11294606 03/18/2023
SLIPPERY ROCK PA NC11296544 03/22/2023
CAVE JUNCTION OR NC11296085 03/21/2023
SAINT MATTHEWS SC NC11302467 03/26/2023
HICO TX NC11293402 03/18/2023
WILLARDS MD NC11298205 03/23/2023
WAIMANALO HI NC11294630 03/18/2023
LAKELAND MI NC11302798 03/26/2023
CARMEL VALLEY CA NC11298211 03/24/2023
HOWARD LAKE MN NC11302853 03/26/2023
GORDON NE NC11294636 03/18/2023
CASTROVILLE CA NC11297538 03/22/2023
DELTA JUNCTION AK NC11300799 03/24/2023
BLOOMING PRAIRIE MN NC11296095 03/20/2023
​
City Carrier:
BROOMFIELD CO NC11275444 03/21/2023
ALBANY NY NC11305449 03/28/2023
APTOS CA NC11291514 03/24/2023
BARRINGTON IL NC11294396 03/25/2023
CAMP HILL PA NC11296490 03/22/2023
EAST PALO ALTO CA NC11292056 03/24/2023
GLENSHAW PA NC11296496 03/22/2023
LAKE FOREST IL NC11294505 03/28/2023
LOS ALTOS CA NC11291594 03/24/2023
MC LEAN VA NC11288929 03/15/2023
MORGAN HILL CA NC11292053 03/24/2023
MOUNT PROSPECT IL NC11293521 03/26/2023
MOUNTAIN VIEW CA NC11292059 03/24/2023
MUNDELEIN IL NC11293656 03/27/2023
OAKLAND CA NC11297772 03/24/2023
OWATONNA MN NC11297955 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11297763 03/23/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11297773 03/24/2023
SANTA BARBARA CA NC11291592 03/28/2023
SANTA CLARA CA NC11290813 03/24/2023
SCHENECTADY NY NC11305445 03/28/2023
SOUTH SEATTLE WA NC11297967 03/24/2023
SUNNYVALE CA NC11292052 03/24/2023
TAPPAN NY NC11290450 03/25/2023
WATSONVILLE CA NC11291605 03/24/2023
WHEELING IL NC11293660 03/26/2023
WHEELING IL NC11294607 03/27/2023
CAMPBELL CA NC11290875 03/24/2023
CENTRAL SEATTLE WA NC11297973 03/24/2023
NORTH SEATTLE WA NC11298157 03/24/2023
ARVADA CO NC11290373 03/26/2023
BUFFALO GROVE IL NC11293711 03/26/2023
CORTE MADERA CA NC11298159 03/23/2023
CUPERTINO CA NC11291553 03/24/2023
DES PLAINES IL NC11294509 03/25/2023
GLENVIEW IL NC11294504 03/26/2023
GRAND ISLAND NE NC11294521 03/27/2023
IOWA CITY IA NC11297529 03/25/2023
LOS GATOS CA NC11291546 03/24/2023
MILL VALLEY CA NC11298160 03/23/2023
NORTH WALES PA NC11296317 03/22/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11297860 03/24/2023
SAN CARLOS CA NC11298164 03/23/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11297864 03/24/2023
SOUTH SHORE - BOSTON MA NC11297721 03/24/2023
WATERTOWN WI NC11296556 03/22/2023
WAUKEGAN IL NC11293614 03/26/2023
WAYNESBORO VA NC11291790 03/17/2023
WHEELING IL NC11293706 03/26/2023
WILMETTE IL NC11293718 03/25/2023
APPLETON WI NC11296321 03/23/2023
AURORA CO NC11297870 03/24/2023
CAPITOLA CA NC11291515 03/24/2023
CEDAR RAPIDS IA NC11291946 03/22/2023
DAVENPORT IA NC11289974 03/23/2023
DENVER CO NC11297956 03/24/2023
DENVER CO NC11297959 03/24/2023
DENVER CO NC11297979 03/24/2023
DULUTH MN NC11302792 03/26/2023
GLENS FALLS NY NC11305507 03/28/2023
HIBBING MN NC11302779 03/26/2023
KANSAS CITY MO NC11297762 03/24/2023
LAFAYETTE CA NC11298966 03/23/2023
LAKE FOREST IL NC11294494 03/25/2023
LAKEWOOD CO NC11297958 03/24/2023
MADISON WI NC11297951 03/24/2023
MEDINA OH NC11291784 03/28/2023
MENLO PARK CA NC11298965 03/23/2023
MILPITAS CA NC11291557 03/24/2023
MISSION KS NC11297765 03/24/2023
MOUNT HOREB WI NC11296314 03/22/2023
NORTHBROOK IL NC11293552 03/26/2023
NORTHGLENN CO NC11297995 03/24/2023
REDWOOD CITY CA NC11298296 03/23/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11298971 03/23/2023
SAN MATEO CA NC11298167 03/23/2023
SAN RAFAEL CA NC11298161 03/23/2023
SANDY UT NC11305342 03/28/2023
SANTA CRUZ CA NC11291625 03/24/2023
SANTA ROSA CA NC11304471 03/28/2023
VALHALLA NY NC11296158 03/26/2023
GREATER BOSTON - BOSTON MA NC11297714 03/24/2023
AMES IA NC11289073 03/23/2023
NORTH SHORE - BOSTON MA NC11297752 03/24/2023
​
Rural Carrier:
BROOKINGS SD NC11304416 03/27/2023
PULLMAN WA NC11289191 03/22/2023
MIDDLETON WI NC11294805 03/19/2023
MENOMONIE WI NC11294698 03/19/2023
MANITOWOC WI NC11294770 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294682 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294641 03/19/2023
HILLSBORO ND NC11304472 03/26/2023
ELDORA IA NC11304281 03/27/2023
EAU CLAIRE WI NC11294679 03/19/2023
EAU CLAIRE WI NC11294677 03/19/2023
BRIGHTON CO NC11304335 03/27/2023
AMERY WI NC11294788 03/19/2023
WILMINGTON NC NC11301218 03/25/2023
VERGENNES VT NC11301210 03/25/2023
PITTSFIELD NH NC11298031 03/23/2023
OTTUMWA IA NC11304280 03/27/2023
OSKALOOSA IA NC11304283 03/27/2023
MENOMONIE WI NC11294782 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294795 03/19/2023
MADISON WI NC11294647 03/19/2023
LEBANON PA NC11297537 03/22/2023
HORACE ND NC11300532 03/24/2023
CLINTONVILLE WI NC11294692 03/19/2023
BRIGHTON CO NC11302512 03/25/2023
BALLSTON SPA NY NC11305443 03/26/2023
HUMBOLDT IA NC11304332 03/27/2023
YORK PA NC11296590 03/22/2023
SHIPPENSBURG PA NC11296593 03/22/2023
SCARBOROUGH ME NC11302736 03/26/2023
RUMNEY NH NC11297957 03/23/2023
HARRISBURG PA NC11296582 03/22/2023
DENVER PA NC11296596 03/22/2023
CHATTAROY WA NC11291846 03/22/2023
MADISON WI NC11294777 03/19/2023
​
Motor Vehicle Operator:
SPRINGFIELD IL P&DC NC11304272 03/27/2023
PORTLAND OR P&DC NC11302458 03/25/2023
SAN JOSE CA P&DC NC11302459 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11302460 03/25/2023
SYRACUSE NY P&DC NC11302215 03/25/2023
​
Tractor Trailer Operator:
CHICAGO NDC NC11301112 03/25/2023
DENVER CO P&DC NC11302222 03/25/2023
DVD BLDG NJ P&DC NC11302090 03/25/2023
MORGAN NY P&DC NC11301120 03/25/2023
OAKLAND CA P&DC NC11302098 03/25/2023
PORTLAND OR P&DC NC11301306 03/25/2023
SAINT PAUL MN P&DC NC11302211 03/24/2023
SEATTLE NDC NC11302206 03/25/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11302223 03/25/2023
SO JERSEY NJ P&DC NC11301124 03/25/2023
NEW JERSEY NDC NC11301302 03/25/2023
TACOMA WA P&DC NC11302457 03/25/2023
BUSSE IL P&DC NC11301104 03/25/2023
SAN FRANCISCO P&DC NC11302202 03/25/2023
CAROL STREAM IL P&DC NC11301106 03/25/2023
CHICAGO INTL SVC CTR NC11301109 03/25/2023
MIDDLESEX-ESSEX P&DC NC11301115 03/25/2023
SALT LAKE CITY P&DC NC11305448 03/28/2023
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No experience necessary for the laborer custodial or maintenance mechanic positions. It helps on the interview but you can surely think of maintenance related experience to relay for an interview. Based on fixing things around your house, the car etc. Always mention working safely.
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Pro tip: You can apply for any job that has an exam opening and the test is administered local to yourself. Make sure you're serious and score decently; you can turn down the job offer. Keep a physical copy of your exam score, I believe they are good for two years.
The reason is: These job postings can be posted externally at capacity for testing, meaning they will not allow you to take the exam if they have enough qualified applicants. However, if you have a test score on the books, you are a qualified applicant.
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Explanation of MVO/TTO to save time:
MVO= CDL B Can only drive box trucks on public roads, can drive anything for moves on postal property.
TTO= CDL A Can drive anything.
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USPS provides the training. (Maintenance jobs at least. TTO and management...GOOD LUCK)
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You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you. Everything but proper email usage.

I've only sailed on lakes with tiny boats so my experience is very limited. I would like to know what are the options out there to gain a lot of experience sailing yacht on the sea without having to actually buy a boat. I know there are skipper courses available and I do plan to take one, but I don't feel like a course is sufficient prerequisite before buying a boat and sailing on your own. What are the other ways to sail yachts and gain experiences?

Hi Guys, Please let me know if this sounds like a good plan. We are landing on April 5th and leaving on the 18th. We are a family of 4 with 2 kids ages 7 and 12.
5th Arrive at NRT. Get to Tokyo station to board Shinkansen for Kyoto. Send luggage with Taqbin, get Wi-Fi etc. Arrive at hotel in Kyoto. Sleep for the night.
6th We have this one day before we are meeting with up with friends to start the fun !!
7th Arashiyama, Monkey Park, Kinkakuji, Kyoto Imperial Palace
8th Kiyomizu dera, Gion street, Gion Starbucks, Maruyama park (kimono rental), Philosophers path
9th Fushimi Inari Taisha, Nishiki market (lunch) Nijo castle
10th Osaka castle, Namba Yasaka, Dotombori, Boat ride, Kuroman market
11th Nara Kōfuku-ji, Deer park, Todaiji Temple, Karugi Taisha, Nara national museum
12th to 18th Tokyo 12th Tokyo national museum, Sensoji, Tokyo sky tree, Kappabashi street
13th Shibuya, Shinjuku gyon, Meiji shrine, Ginza,
14th Imperial Palace, Harajuku, Shibuya crossing
15th Odaiba, Toyosu market Roppongi
16th Travel to Hokone and do Mount Fuji 5 lakes area. Is this worth going to or spend time in Tokyo. We live in Seattle so a tall glaciated mountain is not something new.
17th Tzukiji fish market, Teamlabs, Akhihabara
18th Am we have some time. Flight is in the evening. Suggestions for here?
Is this itinerary doable? Need to figure out restaurants and street food places.
For 6th, options are we better of spending more time in Kyoto or Osaka. We have one day in Osaka. Is Kobe worth going to ?

I put the coin purse in a pouch and rush off. My legs pounding the dusty ground as I move as fast as possible. I weave through passers by and the unaware. Morgan gives a scream from beyond sight, thankfully it seems she’s still alive. I impact with an elderly looking soft-skin, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I don’t get someone killed for helping me. That I don’t lose an ally… she is an ally? I turn into a back alley, moving under crossbeams as I catch sight of the manhunter’s cloak just before it’s gone. I make the same turn after it and I can see that morgan won’t succeed on her own, she tips a box over but the manhunter just smashes through it with it’s next step, the wood splintering. I look up and focusing my power into my hands blast out a ray of destructive power. The beam breaks on the side I hit and falls down, impacting the manhunter. It slams morgan’s pursuer against the wall for a moment as she turns left. The threat set back a couple of paces I run to intersect morgan’s new path. I nearly impact with the manhunter as I make it to my immediate goal. The dread pursuers cloak hitting my face before sliding away, the sound of fabric moving against fabric momentarily filling my hearing. I follow behind him, losing ground. Morgan gets closer and closer to his blades as we run, the various soft-skins part to let the manhunter have and unobstructed path to it’s target. We run into alley’s again and I see clothing strung up to dry, it’s a small target but I fire a shot at one line. I miss and fire again, hitting the attachment point rather than the line itself. I get the effect I wanted, the line swings down like the beam; clothes rippling to obscure and- it’s blade flashes out suddenly, cutting the line and my effort into uselessness in one motion. I see it sheath one blade then grab a loose brick and in one side turn it launches the brick at me. The impact right on my head and for a second stopping me. I look ahead and see morgan coming up to an intersection… I’ve got moments, my blasts launch out. The building breaking then crumbling as morgan screams out as she runs underneath the falling pile of brick dirt and dust. The manhunter follows, sliding along the ground as the dust kicks up into a cloud and obscures everything within. I move up and hear scrabbling sounds as the dust clears. The dark form of the manhunter is stuck underneath, moving, escaping. I turn, and after rounding another turn to go parallel with morgans direction I focus my energy onto my feet and run up the side of the building till I’m able to run and jump from roof to roof. I catch sight of her quickly and bound after her, jumping to land in front of her. She cries out then pauses.
[morgan] “m-moon?! Damn, you scared, me, oohhh, I need, to breath” she pant’s hard and I do likewise as the effort of running is catching up with us. I start to walk waving her to follow. We walk to a hidden little spot and finish catching our breath.
“I can walk us up walls as needed so lets stick together getting out of here” [morgan] “y-yeah, surprised you came back”
“because the manhunter’s of no concern, after all it would be foolish to get all worried about it right?”
[morgan] “oh shut it, it’s not like you expected it to go after me”
“true, so lets both get out as quick as possible” [morgan] “yeah but where too?”
“anywhere it isn’t for now, we’ll figure it out” [morgan] nods “alright then I’ll point the way, now that we can do stealth for this”
I nod and we move out, using alleys and roofs to move in a way that should be hard for the manhuhnter to follow. An hour later we move to an outer gate, taking up our usual disguises. Morgan quickly gets us in a caravan about to leave south. Heading into a country called Azgorad. I supply the coin purse and about half of it is taken out for our sudden joining of the caravan. Forty seven gold coins, that would last us a while but not as long as I’d like, seeing how quickly it could just evaporate with expenses. At least we were getting out, safely leaving this dry place with entirely too much water next to it in what they called a lake. I had made sure to avoid it, I still remembered the first time I saw the ocean, it’s swelling waves like malformed claws looking to grab and pull someone down into a cold watery death. I sat on the back of the last wagon with morgan as we headed off, looking at the city and it’s walls shrinking with spin of the wheels.
[morgan] “well, it isn’t exactly what we planned but we made it work right?”
I nod, another crisis averted and we are alive. I have someone I can trust… well at least somewhat trust. With the sun setting and a purple hue entering at the edges I spot something on the road behind us, a dark speck and point it out to morgan.
[morgan] “what, I… that speck? It could be some rocks or something” I shake my head.
[morgan] “you’re certain it’s moving?” I nod. She stares at it, some color draining from her skin. Then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
[morgan] “it’s probably nothing, just some traveler moving on the same road as us, no need to get worked up about it”
I stared at her taking each change of her face and body trying to decide if she was that foolish… after much consideration I came to the conclusion that she was denying it being a potential problem because her weaker will couldn’t handle it yet. She was more resilient than the rest of her kind so I figured she’d come around to facing the problem.
Days passed, we kept lookout on the rear cart as it rolled along. Though we’d hop off to jog beside it fairly often through the day if for no other reason than we grew tired of sitting. The whole way that black speck kept following us, just at the limit of what we could see, dipping in and out of view with the landscape.
The final night we pressed on longer than usual as the leader wanted to get into the city walls. Once we got past the outer gate we were cast off from the caravan. They’d done their job and we went off on our own in this wooden city. While it was all timber construction aside from the walls nothing seemed to be low quality. All of the exposed wood was coated, painted, treated and made to withstand the weather. Beyond that everything fit well, carved with patterns, icons, and generally made… beautiful. I hated to admit it but these soft-skins had definitely added a great amount of beauty to their city.
[morgan] wipes a tear away “wish they could’ve seen this.” I nod and after a moment motion.
[morgan] “y-yeah, we should be moving. No need for us to chat tonight since I feel ready to drop and I bet you feel the same.” I alternate my arms up and down.
[morgan] “really? How’d that take less out of you than me? Well it doesn’t matter cause I’m ready to pass out, now lets find a spot for tonight.” we searching in the dark, wandering and walking in the unfamiliar city. One thing I note of it in comparison to the last is how much less space there seems to be. Almost all passages are an alley of some sort, the buildings hang over and sometimes connect above where the walkways are. It feels as tangled and bunched up as any forest I’ve been to. Eventually we find a building that looks like what we want, the wood carved cleanly but unadorned. We go inside and it’s a bar with a table nearby and a sitting alcove. Morgan talks with the bartender and he gets us a couple cups with soup in them and then two rolls of bedding. For the sleeping room through the side door. After gulping down the almost flavorless soup that would have been better if it actually was flavorless we go into the already packed room. Benches stacked against one wall and four tables sanding with people sleeping on top of them.
[morgan] “oh, we just uh go wherever I guess” I nod and sigh. Soon we find a space to put down for the night.
I wake to the sound of a bell and then an annoyingly loud mans voice.
[innkeeper] “Alright! Wake up you louts! It’s time to clear out! Anyone with bedding needs to turn it back in and if you want brekfas then it’ll cost yah!”
both morgan and I groan as we roll over and get up onto our feet. Picking up the bedding and taking it back to the bartender, or innkeeper. Whichever he was. After that morgan decided that we should go somewhere else for food and I nodded my agreement. We eventually found a good breakfast, one where I could get meat. The soups barely did anything for me. After breakfast we wandered about the town looking at potion selling shops as well as inns and general knowledge. It was a long day and by the end we were making our way back to an inn where we’d be able to have a room and then I saw it. The white skull on a bird-like helm. I pulled morgan back immediately and brought her close to whisper.
“it followed us, the manhunter is here” [mogan] sighs and nods “hoped he didn’t. Shall we go up the buildings then?”
I nod and she hops onto me when we’re in position. The dense nature of the buildings here actually make it easier to be stealthy as we walk up the buildings side. The angled roof of this humid place give us barriers for the manhunters sight. It takes a while longer than we thought but we manage to sneak our way to the inn. Inside I sit down exhausted, morgan isn’t the heaviest soft-skin but she isn’t exactly a light pack to carry either.
[morgan] “damn, this really changes things. I was hoping that we could do some more potion brewing here but”
“it’ll just hunt us down and kill us there” [morgan] “him, not it! This guy isn’t anything more than flesh and blood”
“never said he wasn’t. Anyways we need to find a way to sneak out and not be followed.” [morgan] “any suggestions? Or just stating the obvious. Damn it why is he after me?!”
“that I have no idea, I doubt the ingredients for a good potion are cheap. Possibly out of our price” [morgan] “you know a potion that could help us?”
“sort of, potion to breathe in water… I’d rather not use that and the critical ingredient is rare” [morgan] “how rare?”
“our armies don’t cross rivers, that’s how rare” [morgan] “damn, wait… couldn’t you just use boats or swim?”
“we’re not good at boats and… well we don’t swim, we just sink” [morgan] “o-oh, wait do you great freaked out being near a lot of water? Is that why you never went near the king lake?”
“yes, water is bad for my kind now can we please get on solving our manhunter problem?” [morgan] “can’t we kill him?”
“would the rest of his… clan come after us?” [morgan] “organization I think, and yeah probably.”
we did not come up with any solid plan that night before lapsing into sleep.

I am leaving this gig behind as Uber has been infested with questionable characters, that in turn, have been doing their best to accelerate the race to the bottom and to scare, intimidate or move riders to tears with fake sob stories for the purpose of extracting tips and to extort them to return rider's belongings for a steep fee. It's imperative that they are exposed and here is a summary of observing my "competition" for the past 7 years:
Last year, I rented a Tesla through Uber as I was curious about EV's. I had met and observed other Uber drivers over the years but I had not spent much time nor really paid attention until my two visits to the local Uber hub, to pickup and drop off the rental. I waited for over an hour surrounded by "drivers". Every single one in front of me had some shady wrinkle to their business at the hub.
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Most drivers should be treated as nothing more than cannon fodder, a drone to drive from point A to point B and to keep quiet. Complainers with taped up bumpers to keep the car in one piece or shady rental deals, firearm carrying, mentally ill degenerates with criminal histories/tendencies and active drug habits, try to arrange off the book rides, accept Uber rides for an upfront fee and then still try to force riders to pay extra?
They want flexible hours, they want to just sit on their fat asses in their suspect cars, with suspect insurance, with long expired paper plates, without any monitoring/supervision, without drug tests and yet their fried, fake conspiracy prone brains have somehow smoked the crystal idea that they deserve to be paid more than the workforce that abides by all the rules, does real work and have an actual moral compass? $20/hour is too much for them and yet they demand more, sky is the limit to their demand. Uber definitely has it's flaws and suspect policies and the ride cost fluctuates way too much with Uber taking an ever increasing chunk of the fee but Uber's biggest flaw by far is allowing anyone to join, which has a negative impact on drivers but it actually endangers the riders.
Here is an example of behaviour that I repeatedly observed: A driver gets in a collision. He collects the insurance check but does not fix the car. He, and I quote here, " I wait for the summer heat to fix my dents". Then, he complains to riders how he cannot afford the repair. The cherry on the cake: At the same time while talking to other drivers, he will flex with screenshots of his earnings, showing him making $60+/hour. And the driver continues the cycle, never sizing up the contradiction he presents.
Drivers have no face to face interactions with real people in the process of signup for UbeLyft. No HR professionals to screen out weirdoes/mentally ill or the ones with criminal tendencies. Think about that next time you get in an Uber. Keep convos to a minimum and do not lose track of your belongings. If you do not, expect to pay quite a fee. Not all drivers are scum, decent people are out there but be vigilant because, over the years, especially since Covid, quite a few unemployables have started driving for Uber. Stay safe out there and good luck!

Hi PFNZ
I just wanted to open a conversation. Hypothetically - Lets say YOU have a rental in NZ, yeah?
And you have limited or no debt on THAT rental (exclude primary residence).
You are one of the long term investors that purchased in the early 2000's or earlier. You have paid down all or most of your 20 year debt.
Let’s say if you sold the rental you would clear 800K cash (if you sold today) - You would have no outstanding debt on that investment.
Let’s say current rental income is between 500 - 800 a week. Depending on region state of the house, location, etc. etc.
If that 800K was in a 90 day saver with Kiwibank - today the interest would be 4.75 and the weekly “payment” of interest is 728.77
I would like to ask the smart people out there if this means that rent will be likely to go up (dramatically) to make it “worth it” mathematically to own a rental. When purchasing rentals today the math is not good. Will the rental pool slowly dry up until the market then cause the rent to go up
Or
Will house prices continue to drop until purchasing a rental becomes viable.
Now I know we don't have crystal balls - but what is the most likely outcome and why do you think that – what evidence do you have to support a theory either way.

I live the best part of my life online. It’s a sign of the times we live in, I guess. There are the mundane humdrum happenings that occur in our lives offline- the boring day to day droll occurrences that one can usually set their watch to, and then there’s the amazing things that we are lucky enough to witness via the screen usually glued to our hands. There’s no comparison, really. Content curated by professionals who are successful enough to have millions of followers watching every video and upvoting every hilarious meme, versus boring work and the strained relationship with our folks and loved ones? YouTube and social media wins that one in a landslide victory, in my opinion. Candy, or vegetables?
My job painting apartments is menial, lots of repetition. The only real variation is that every other apartment is mirrored opposite the ones next to it. Kitchen on the right, bathroom on the left in this one. Bathroom on the right, kitchen on the left in that one. Over and over again, ad infinitum. I dip the roller in paint, and apply it to a section of wall, dip the roller, apply it to another section of wall, over and over and over again until it’s quitting time. If I finish an apartment before it’s time to get off, there are plenty of others to move on to. Every… single… day. Six days a week.
Repetition is half of the formula to insanity, I say. One of, if not the ONLY thing that helps in keeping me sane is a decent signal on my phone and a single bluetooth earbud. Having some sort of dialog- whether that be listening to an entertaining YouTuber doing a let’s play, to channels that narrate Creepypastas- I find helps in the passage of time while working. It helps my mind wander while my body goes on autopilot, thus finding an hour long story by one of my favorite channels that I haven’t heard yet is like a gift from the content gods.
One of the longest work days I can remember was the day that my earbud fell out and landed directly in my paint bucket. I cursed the universe as I watched it sink. It happened early in the day too, so I was forced to weather the remaining six hours with nothing but my own thoughts and the sound of my paint roller smearing on the walls. I had lost the other earbud somewhere months ago, so it’s not like I had a spare one charging somewhere, and by the end of the day I resolved it by buying two brand new pairs so if something like that ever happened again, I’d have no less than three backups.
I decided to treat myself, buying a cutting edge and top of the line brand. When one uses a product for most of the day, every day, it helps to buy quality, because it’s not just at work that I use them. When I’m driving, washing dishes at home or doing household chores, or just grinding out levels on a video game, there’s always some audio going on in my ear. Listening to podcasts while I’m folding laundry, reviews for new games and movies while I’m walking the dog, ten interesting facts about *insert topic here* while I’m eating dinner. It just helps me get through my day. And my nights too, falling asleep listening to spooky stories has gotten to the point where if I forget to charge my phone or earbuds and one of them dies before I fall asleep, I might as well get back up for a bit while the battery charges.
It may sound weird to some people, trying to follow a narrative while also trying to fall asleep seems like it would be counterintuitive, but just like how some people need a fan or a TV going, there are thousands of us falling asleep to a soothing voice telling a macabre tale every night. Probably millions, given how the technology has evolved in prior years.
When I received an email saying I’d won a chance to test out the next step of that evolution, I ignored it. I hadn’t signed up for any contest or sweepstakes that I was aware of. Probably just spam, I thought. When the physical letter showed up in my mail stating the same, I took it a little more seriously, but eventually chalked it up to the spammers just being persistent. More junk mail. They got my email and were able to find an address that matched it, probably not that hard to do considering how many sites I’ve used that email to sign up for over the years. I was well aware that people leave a digital footprint, along with a treasure trove of data for advertisers and scammers alike. I always just chalked it up to the price of admission as I dropped the letter in my trash bin without even opening it. After a few weeks, all of my brushing off and ignoring what I thought was a scam culminated with a knock at my door.
“Why hello, sir. We represent ToxiCorp, and we understand that you recently purchased our product- two pairs of our Premium Earbuds?” the gentlemen asked. He was an older fellow, wearing thick coke bottle glasses and sandals. Before I could even answer though, he went on. “We’ve attempted to contact you via mail in regards to your most wisest of purchases. First off, we at the Toxi Corporation would like to sincerely thank you! And also congratulate you! You’ve won our annual November-a-thon giveaway!” he finished, taking an overdue and long breath.
That was how I found out that it wasn’t just spam. They had gotten my information when I had registered the product for the warranty, and unbeknownst to me, had thrown my name in the hat for their contest. The prizes I had to choose from included $500 cash, or free ToxiCorp earbuds for life, which included a free upgrade every time they put out a new product. While the cash offer was tempting, I decided that the latter offer would get me more bang for my buck. High end earbuds, like those made by ToxiCorp, weren’t cheap afterall. Plus, being able to upgrade and try out the latest models for free made it, in my eyes, the better of the two options.
I agreed, and after signing a plethora of documentation, not all of which I could understand and much less even read, he was on his way. Later that week they contacted me via phone about my first upgrade. It turns out, while the two pairs I had recently bought were the most expensive that my local retailer had to offer, they were by far not the most expensive and functional ones that the company offered. That first upgrade was like night and day compared to the so-called ‘top of the line’ ones I had purchased. The sound was crisper, they had better bass, a longer battery life, a further range for the bluetooth, everything about them was superior.
Then, still very much pleased with my upgraded earbuds, they contacted me about their newest pair. This pair upgraded everything, along with having noise canceling and the ability to make phone calls via a small mic inside of the earbud.
And it kept going, every month there was a new upgraded version that blew the latest one out of the water with better clarity and added functionality. My daily distractions of listening to content at work was never better. Gone were the days of bringing my phone with me from room to room as I painted, the bluetooth had crystal clear connectivity anywhere in the apartment. Hell, I could leave my phone charging in my car outside and the signal would pick up through spans of parking lots and brick walls. The snug form fitting cushion in my ear ensured that they never fell out on accident, yet wasn’t intrusive. I could go on and on, singing praise for the innovation and quality that the good people at ToxiCorp were doing with their wide line of audio products. Until that is, they hit me with their latest upgrade.
I should have known something was off when they asked me to come to their R&D department for this latest upgrade. All I was told was that this newest iteration was still in the ‘experimental’ stage of development. Previously, they had always simply mailed the newest model straight to me. I simply chalked up this break in protocol to the fact that this one was still in the prototype stage. I had already decided that whatever it was, I wanted it. I was even excited that they decided to include me in testing whatever it was that they had cooked up. Boy, was I stupid.
I arrived at their facility and was greeted by their team of engineers. They led me to a small lobby and gave me refreshments while I waited, and that was the last thing I remembered. When I woke up, I was in a recovery room with bright fluorescent lights blinding me, and a litany of rhythmically beeping medical machines monitoring my vitals. I felt groggy as hell, and as I reached up to feel why the side of my head was throbbing I felt swollen flesh molding around stitches above and behind my right ear. They said that the nausea accompanied by the dizziness I felt was normal, and conducive to the operation they performed in and around my inner ear.
I was PISSED. When my complaints and threats finally summoned the head researcher, the very same old man who had come to my door to tell me I was a ‘winner’ walked into the room.
“What the hell!? How did I get here, and what the fuck is all this about some ‘procedure’!?” I yelled. “Did you people drug me? What kind of sick operation are you people running here?”
The old man merely smiled. “Nothing that you didn’t agree to. You gave us express permission when you signed our agreement.”
“Like hell I did!” I yelled. He produced a small remote and pointed it at me, pressing a button as I continued to yell. “¡Déjame salir de aquí y llamo a mi abogado!” I threatened. What the hell? I had yelled that in english, I clearly said “Let me out of here and I’m calling my lawyer,” and I had heard the english version in my other ear, but in my right ear, the ear that was throbbing and had been operated on, I heard what I assumed was spanish.
The scientist seemed pleased at the utter confusion that sank into my facial features. “Do you speak spanish?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He had really said “Habla espanol?”, I heard it with my untainted ear, but I also heard the english translation clear as day with the other.
I’ll admit, even though I was still utterly pissed about the situation, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little amazed.
“What… what else can it do?” I asked, my anger subsiding slightly.
His grin grew even wider. He came closer to show me the remote. It was something akin to an old iPod looking thing. He scrolled through a plethora of menus until he selected one labeled ‘Enhance Audio’. He then pointed it in the direction of two nurses conversing behind the other side of a large glass viewing window on the other side of the room. As soon as the remote was pointing in their direction, I could hear them.
“I can’t believe that prick stood you up like that, girl!” one said.
“He’s a loser anyway, I heard from Jenny that he isn’t even all that well endowed, if you know what I mean…” the other said, holding up her pinky finger which sent both of them into a giggling fit.
“Can you hear them? How clear is the audio?” the old man asked, pulling out a clipboard and pen seemingly from nowhere.
We ran a gauntlet of tests, trying out different features and modes, dialing in and fine tuning the settings. By the time we were finished, I wasn’t even all that mad anymore. I mean, I was still a little peeved. I had been tricked and drugged and operated on without my consent, I don’t care what the gibberish in my contract said, I felt violated. BUT… after all was said and done, I couldn’t help but feel like the benefits that the new implanted device offered were more than worth some shady and underhanded practices. I was kept in their facility for a couple of days for observation and more tests, compensated for my lost wages at my job, and given a prescription to fill- something to help with the pain while my body healed. They claimed it was ‘an astounding success!’, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if they had failed?
I went about my life, checking in with them via phone once a week, which I could now call and answer by merely thinking about it, thanks to their device. I could understand hundreds of spoken languages, I could hear conversations happening through brick walls with crystal clarity, and if it ever got too much I could always just lower the settings, even mute certain frequencies. Despite their underhanded techniques and the violation of my own body, my rage in them had subsided and became some more like a perturbed annoyance. They had drugged and operated me without my knowing consent, sure, but I was beginning to come around. Hell, I would have even said I came out like a thief, definitely better off than I had been.
Then, I began having the dreams.
My dreams since they had installed this thing in my head have been so vivid. Dreams that seem so real, almost like I was awake, but not in control. Like watching yourself sleepwalk. I have vague memories and impressions when I wake up, remnants of whatever cycles my subconscious mind rolls through when I’m out. In one, I only remember being told by some authority figure that I needed to go out to the corner store and buy a certain brand of potato chips. My socks were wet when I woke up the next morning, and my blood chilled when I stepped outside only to notice that it had indeed rained the night before. When I checked my bank statement, there had been a purchase at 2:46 AM for the amount of $3.46 that I didn’t remember. Hell, I had been asleep at that time. So I WAS sleepwalking, along with sleep purchasing and god only knows what else.
They kept happening. Always single mindedly compelled to complete some seemingly menial or meaningless task. I tried sleeping pills, when that didn’t work I tried caffeine pills to stay awake. When I eventually did crash and pass out they continued. I even tried getting blind drunk, and while I don’t remember having any vivid dreams or sleepwalking episodes, my bank account and transaction history begged to differ. I guess I was just too blackout drunk to remember, but it hadn’t stopped me.
Last night was the most surreal one yet. I went to this bench out at the park a couple of blocks away. When I got there, I reached beneath it, obtaining the gun that I somehow knew would be there. That’s when everything became fuzzy. I try and try to remember what else happened, but it’s a blur of blue and scarlet. When I heard there had been a shooting that killed 2 people down the street from my place, I could see their faces in my mind before the police released the photos of the victims. They had been a couple, out for a late night rendezvous. A man of average looks and build and his sweetheart, who’s blue eyes burned holes into my soul through the TV screen as they glared at me accusingly. For an instant when their photos were on the screen, I remembered seeing those blue eyes looking at me, pleading and full of fear, and then… a scarlet plume of blood as the bullet mangled her beautiful face beyond recognition…
That was when the realization finally hit home for me. I did it. I killed that couple. Somehow, in a nocturnal venture in my slumber, I had murdered them. I thought I was going crazy! That’s not me, not something I would ever in the slightest consider, much less actually do. A piece of me died that day- my innocence, I think.
I did what any decent human being in my situation would do, I resolved to turn myself in. If somehow I was becoming some crazed maniac in my sleep, the smartest thing to do would be to turn myself in, lest I somehow manage to harm more innocent people.
I went out for a good steak dinner, probably the last decent meal I’d ever get to eat before my last meal on death row someday. It was the most delicious meal I ever remember eating. I savored every little bite. Finished with my meal, I tipped several hundred dollars to my waitress- my last good deed that I knew would never make up for the harm I had caused, the lives I had taken. I took a cab to the police station, ready to own up and meet my fate. That’s when I heard it. A voice echoing minutely in my ear.
“Don’t do it,” it said. And suddenly, I found that I couldn’t. I stood there for a long time, trying to take that step up to the door, the voice repeating the command incessantly. It commanded and I obeyed. Its hooked tendrils were sunk in deep, and I was compelled to do as it said. That voice was familiar, I realized. It was the same voice that had greeted me when I opened my door that day. The same voice I heard after the surgical implant was unwillingly installed, trespassing in my brain. The same voice of the head of research and development. The friendly voice of ToxiCorp.

I live the best part of my life online. It’s a sign of the times we live in, I guess. There are the mundane humdrum happenings that occur in our lives offline- the boring day to day droll occurrences that one can usually set their watch to, and then there’s the amazing things that we are lucky enough to witness via the screen usually glued to our hands. There’s no comparison, really. Content curated by professionals who are successful enough to have millions of followers watching every video and upvoting every hilarious meme, versus boring work and the strained relationship with our folks and loved ones? YouTube and social media wins that one in a landslide victory, in my opinion. Candy, or vegetables?
My job painting apartments is menial, lots of repetition. The only real variation is that every other apartment is mirrored opposite the ones next to it. Kitchen on the right, bathroom on the left in this one. Bathroom on the right, kitchen on the left in that one. Over and over again, ad infinitum. I dip the roller in paint, and apply it to a section of wall, dip the roller, apply it to another section of wall, over and over and over again until it’s quitting time. If I finish an apartment before it’s time to get off, there are plenty of others to move on to. Every… single… day. Six days a week.
Repetition is half of the formula to insanity, I say. One of, if not the ONLY thing that helps in keeping me sane is a decent signal on my phone and a single bluetooth earbud. Having some sort of dialog- whether that be listening to an entertaining YouTuber doing a let’s play, to channels that narrate Creepypastas- I find helps in the passage of time while working. It helps my mind wander while my body goes on autopilot, thus finding an hour long story by one of my favorite channels that I haven’t heard yet is like a gift from the content gods.
One of the longest work days I can remember was the day that my earbud fell out and landed directly in my paint bucket. I cursed the universe as I watched it sink. It happened early in the day too, so I was forced to weather the remaining six hours with nothing but my own thoughts and the sound of my paint roller smearing on the walls. I had lost the other earbud somewhere months ago, so it’s not like I had a spare one charging somewhere, and by the end of the day I resolved it by buying two brand new pairs so if something like that ever happened again, I’d have no less than three backups.
I decided to treat myself, buying a cutting edge and top of the line brand. When one uses a product for most of the day, every day, it helps to buy quality, because it’s not just at work that I use them. When I’m driving, washing dishes at home or doing household chores, or just grinding out levels on a video game, there’s always some audio going on in my ear. Listening to podcasts while I’m folding laundry, reviews for new games and movies while I’m walking the dog, ten interesting facts about *insert topic here* while I’m eating dinner. It just helps me get through my day. And my nights too, falling asleep listening to spooky stories has gotten to the point where if I forget to charge my phone or earbuds and one of them dies before I fall asleep, I might as well get back up for a bit while the battery charges.
It may sound weird to some people, trying to follow a narrative while also trying to fall asleep seems like it would be counterintuitive, but just like how some people need a fan or a TV going, there are thousands of us falling asleep to a soothing voice telling a macabre tale every night. Probably millions, given how the technology has evolved in prior years.
When I received an email saying I’d won a chance to test out the next step of that evolution, I ignored it. I hadn’t signed up for any contest or sweepstakes that I was aware of. Probably just spam, I thought. When the physical letter showed up in my mail stating the same, I took it a little more seriously, but eventually chalked it up to the spammers just being persistent. More junk mail. They got my email and were able to find an address that matched it, probably not that hard to do considering how many sites I’ve used that email to sign up for over the years. I was well aware that people leave a digital footprint, along with a treasure trove of data for advertisers and scammers alike. I always just chalked it up to the price of admission as I dropped the letter in my trash bin without even opening it. After a few weeks, all of my brushing off and ignoring what I thought was a scam culminated with a knock at my door.
“Why hello, sir. We represent ToxiCorp, and we understand that you recently purchased our product- two pairs of our Premium Earbuds?” the gentlemen asked. He was an older fellow, wearing thick coke bottle glasses and sandals. Before I could even answer though, he went on. “We’ve attempted to contact you via mail in regards to your most wisest of purchases. First off, we at the Toxi Corporation would like to sincerely thank you! And also congratulate you! You’ve won our annual November-a-thon giveaway!” he finished, taking an overdue and long breath.
That was how I found out that it wasn’t just spam. They had gotten my information when I had registered the product for the warranty, and unbeknownst to me, had thrown my name in the hat for their contest. The prizes I had to choose from included $500 cash, or free ToxiCorp earbuds for life, which included a free upgrade every time they put out a new product. While the cash offer was tempting, I decided that the latter offer would get me more bang for my buck. High end earbuds, like those made by ToxiCorp, weren’t cheap afterall. Plus, being able to upgrade and try out the latest models for free made it, in my eyes, the better of the two options.
I agreed, and after signing a plethora of documentation, not all of which I could understand and much less even read, he was on his way. Later that week they contacted me via phone about my first upgrade. It turns out, while the two pairs I had recently bought were the most expensive that my local retailer had to offer, they were by far not the most expensive and functional ones that the company offered. That first upgrade was like night and day compared to the so-called ‘top of the line’ ones I had purchased. The sound was crisper, they had better bass, a longer battery life, a further range for the bluetooth, everything about them was superior.
Then, still very much pleased with my upgraded earbuds, they contacted me about their newest pair. This pair upgraded everything, along with having noise canceling and the ability to make phone calls via a small mic inside of the earbud.
And it kept going, every month there was a new upgraded version that blew the latest one out of the water with better clarity and added functionality. My daily distractions of listening to content at work was never better. Gone were the days of bringing my phone with me from room to room as I painted, the bluetooth had crystal clear connectivity anywhere in the apartment. Hell, I could leave my phone charging in my car outside and the signal would pick up through spans of parking lots and brick walls. The snug form fitting cushion in my ear ensured that they never fell out on accident, yet wasn’t intrusive. I could go on and on, singing praise for the innovation and quality that the good people at ToxiCorp were doing with their wide line of audio products. Until that is, they hit me with their latest upgrade.
I should have known something was off when they asked me to come to their R&D department for this latest upgrade. All I was told was that this newest iteration was still in the ‘experimental’ stage of development. Previously, they had always simply mailed the newest model straight to me. I simply chalked up this break in protocol to the fact that this one was still in the prototype stage. I had already decided that whatever it was, I wanted it. I was even excited that they decided to include me in testing whatever it was that they had cooked up. Boy, was I stupid.
I arrived at their facility and was greeted by their team of engineers. They led me to a small lobby and gave me refreshments while I waited, and that was the last thing I remembered. When I woke up, I was in a recovery room with bright fluorescent lights blinding me, and a litany of rhythmically beeping medical machines monitoring my vitals. I felt groggy as hell, and as I reached up to feel why the side of my head was throbbing I felt swollen flesh molding around stitches above and behind my right ear. They said that the nausea accompanied by the dizziness I felt was normal, and conducive to the operation they performed in and around my inner ear.
I was PISSED. When my complaints and threats finally summoned the head researcher, the very same old man who had come to my door to tell me I was a ‘winner’ walked into the room.
“What the hell!? How did I get here, and what the fuck is all this about some ‘procedure’!?” I yelled. “Did you people drug me? What kind of sick operation are you people running here?”
The old man merely smiled. “Nothing that you didn’t agree to. You gave us express permission when you signed our agreement.”
“Like hell I did!” I yelled. He produced a small remote and pointed it at me, pressing a button as I continued to yell. “¡Déjame salir de aquí y llamo a mi abogado!” I threatened. What the hell? I had yelled that in english, I clearly said “Let me out of here and I’m calling my lawyer,” and I had heard the english version in my other ear, but in my right ear, the ear that was throbbing and had been operated on, I heard what I assumed was spanish.
The scientist seemed pleased at the utter confusion that sank into my facial features. “Do you speak spanish?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He had really said “Habla espanol?”, I heard it with my untainted ear, but I also heard the english translation clear as day with the other.
I’ll admit, even though I was still utterly pissed about the situation, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little amazed.
“What… what else can it do?” I asked, my anger subsiding slightly.
His grin grew even wider. He came closer to show me the remote. It was something akin to an old iPod looking thing. He scrolled through a plethora of menus until he selected one labeled ‘Enhance Audio’. He then pointed it in the direction of two nurses conversing behind the other side of a large glass viewing window on the other side of the room. As soon as the remote was pointing in their direction, I could hear them.
“I can’t believe that prick stood you up like that, girl!” one said.
“He’s a loser anyway, I heard from Jenny that he isn’t even all that well endowed, if you know what I mean…” the other said, holding up her pinky finger which sent both of them into a giggling fit.
“Can you hear them? How clear is the audio?” the old man asked, pulling out a clipboard and pen seemingly from nowhere.
We ran a gauntlet of tests, trying out different features and modes, dialing in and fine tuning the settings. By the time we were finished, I wasn’t even all that mad anymore. I mean, I was still a little peeved. I had been tricked and drugged and operated on without my consent, I don’t care what the gibberish in my contract said, I felt violated. BUT… after all was said and done, I couldn’t help but feel like the benefits that the new implanted device offered were more than worth some shady and underhanded practices. I was kept in their facility for a couple of days for observation and more tests, compensated for my lost wages at my job, and given a prescription to fill- something to help with the pain while my body healed. They claimed it was ‘an astounding success!’, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if they had failed?
I went about my life, checking in with them via phone once a week, which I could now call and answer by merely thinking about it, thanks to their device. I could understand hundreds of spoken languages, I could hear conversations happening through brick walls with crystal clarity, and if it ever got too much I could always just lower the settings, even mute certain frequencies. Despite their underhanded techniques and the violation of my own body, my rage in them had subsided and became some more like a perturbed annoyance. They had drugged and operated me without my knowing consent, sure, but I was beginning to come around. Hell, I would have even said I came out like a thief, definitely better off than I had been.
Then, I began having the dreams.
My dreams since they had installed this thing in my head have been so vivid. Dreams that seem so real, almost like I was awake, but not in control. Like watching yourself sleepwalk. I have vague memories and impressions when I wake up, remnants of whatever cycles my subconscious mind rolls through when I’m out. In one, I only remember being told by some authority figure that I needed to go out to the corner store and buy a certain brand of potato chips. My socks were wet when I woke up the next morning, and my blood chilled when I stepped outside only to notice that it had indeed rained the night before. When I checked my bank statement, there had been a purchase at 2:46 AM for the amount of $3.46 that I didn’t remember. Hell, I had been asleep at that time. So I WAS sleepwalking, along with sleep purchasing and god only knows what else.
They kept happening. Always single mindedly compelled to complete some seemingly menial or meaningless task. I tried sleeping pills, when that didn’t work I tried caffeine pills to stay awake. When I eventually did crash and pass out they continued. I even tried getting blind drunk, and while I don’t remember having any vivid dreams or sleepwalking episodes, my bank account and transaction history begged to differ. I guess I was just too blackout drunk to remember, but it hadn’t stopped me.
Last night was the most surreal one yet. I went to this bench out at the park a couple of blocks away. When I got there, I reached beneath it, obtaining the gun that I somehow knew would be there. That’s when everything became fuzzy. I try and try to remember what else happened, but it’s a blur of blue and scarlet. When I heard there had been a shooting that killed 2 people down the street from my place, I could see their faces in my mind before the police released the photos of the victims. They had been a couple, out for a late night rendezvous. A man of average looks and build and his sweetheart, who’s blue eyes burned holes into my soul through the TV screen as they glared at me accusingly. For an instant when their photos were on the screen, I remembered seeing those blue eyes looking at me, pleading and full of fear, and then… a scarlet plume of blood as the bullet mangled her beautiful face beyond recognition…
That was when the realization finally hit home for me. I did it. I killed that couple. Somehow, in a nocturnal venture in my slumber, I had murdered them. I thought I was going crazy! That’s not me, not something I would ever in the slightest consider, much less actually do. A piece of me died that day- my innocence, I think.
I did what any decent human being in my situation would do, I resolved to turn myself in. If somehow I was becoming some crazed maniac in my sleep, the smartest thing to do would be to turn myself in, lest I somehow manage to harm more innocent people.
I went out for a good steak dinner, probably the last decent meal I’d ever get to eat before my last meal on death row someday. It was the most delicious meal I ever remember eating. I savored every little bite. Finished with my meal, I tipped several hundred dollars to my waitress- my last good deed that I knew would never make up for the harm I had caused, the lives I had taken. I took a cab to the police station, ready to own up and meet my fate. That’s when I heard it. A voice echoing minutely in my ear.
“Don’t do it,” it said. And suddenly, I found that I couldn’t. I stood there for a long time, trying to take that step up to the door, the voice repeating the command incessantly. It commanded and I obeyed. Its hooked tendrils were sunk in deep, and I was compelled to do as it said. That voice was familiar, I realized. It was the same voice that had greeted me when I opened my door that day. The same voice I heard after the surgical implant was unwillingly installed, trespassing in my brain. The same voice of the head of research and development. The friendly voice of ToxiCorp.

I live the best part of my life online. It’s a sign of the times we live in, I guess. There are the mundane humdrum happenings that occur in our lives offline- the boring day to day droll occurrences that one can usually set their watch to, and then there’s the amazing things that we are lucky enough to witness via the screen usually glued to our hands. There’s no comparison, really. Content curated by professionals who are successful enough to have millions of followers watching every video and upvoting every hilarious meme, versus boring work and the strained relationship with our folks and loved ones? YouTube and social media wins that one in a landslide victory, in my opinion. Candy, or vegetables?
My job painting apartments is menial, lots of repetition. The only real variation is that every other apartment is mirrored opposite the ones next to it. Kitchen on the right, bathroom on the left in this one. Bathroom on the right, kitchen on the left in that one. Over and over again, ad infinitum. I dip the roller in paint, and apply it to a section of wall, dip the roller, apply it to another section of wall, over and over and over again until it’s quitting time. If I finish an apartment before it’s time to get off, there are plenty of others to move on to. Every… single… day. Six days a week.
Repetition is half of the formula to insanity, I say. One of, if not the ONLY thing that helps in keeping me sane is a decent signal on my phone and a single bluetooth earbud. Having some sort of dialog- whether that be listening to an entertaining YouTuber doing a let’s play, to channels that narrate Creepypastas- I find helps in the passage of time while working. It helps my mind wander while my body goes on autopilot, thus finding an hour long story by one of my favorite channels that I haven’t heard yet is like a gift from the content gods.
One of the longest work days I can remember was the day that my earbud fell out and landed directly in my paint bucket. I cursed the universe as I watched it sink. It happened early in the day too, so I was forced to weather the remaining six hours with nothing but my own thoughts and the sound of my paint roller smearing on the walls. I had lost the other earbud somewhere months ago, so it’s not like I had a spare one charging somewhere, and by the end of the day I resolved it by buying two brand new pairs so if something like that ever happened again, I’d have no less than three backups.
I decided to treat myself, buying a cutting edge and top of the line brand. When one uses a product for most of the day, every day, it helps to buy quality, because it’s not just at work that I use them. When I’m driving, washing dishes at home or doing household chores, or just grinding out levels on a video game, there’s always some audio going on in my ear. Listening to podcasts while I’m folding laundry, reviews for new games and movies while I’m walking the dog, ten interesting facts about *insert topic here* while I’m eating dinner. It just helps me get through my day. And my nights too, falling asleep listening to spooky stories has gotten to the point where if I forget to charge my phone or earbuds and one of them dies before I fall asleep, I might as well get back up for a bit while the battery charges.
It may sound weird to some people, trying to follow a narrative while also trying to fall asleep seems like it would be counterintuitive, but just like how some people need a fan or a TV going, there are thousands of us falling asleep to a soothing voice telling a macabre tale every night. Probably millions, given how the technology has evolved in prior years.
When I received an email saying I’d won a chance to test out the next step of that evolution, I ignored it. I hadn’t signed up for any contest or sweepstakes that I was aware of. Probably just spam, I thought. When the physical letter showed up in my mail stating the same, I took it a little more seriously, but eventually chalked it up to the spammers just being persistent. More junk mail. They got my email and were able to find an address that matched it, probably not that hard to do considering how many sites I’ve used that email to sign up for over the years. I was well aware that people leave a digital footprint, along with a treasure trove of data for advertisers and scammers alike. I always just chalked it up to the price of admission as I dropped the letter in my trash bin without even opening it. After a few weeks, all of my brushing off and ignoring what I thought was a scam culminated with a knock at my door.
“Why hello, sir. We represent ToxiCorp, and we understand that you recently purchased our product- two pairs of our Premium Earbuds?” the gentlemen asked. He was an older fellow, wearing thick coke bottle glasses and sandals. Before I could even answer though, he went on. “We’ve attempted to contact you via mail in regards to your most wisest of purchases. First off, we at the Toxi Corporation would like to sincerely thank you! And also congratulate you! You’ve won our annual November-a-thon giveaway!” he finished, taking an overdue and long breath.
That was how I found out that it wasn’t just spam. They had gotten my information when I had registered the product for the warranty, and unbeknownst to me, had thrown my name in the hat for their contest. The prizes I had to choose from included $500 cash, or free ToxiCorp earbuds for life, which included a free upgrade every time they put out a new product. While the cash offer was tempting, I decided that the latter offer would get me more bang for my buck. High end earbuds, like those made by ToxiCorp, weren’t cheap afterall. Plus, being able to upgrade and try out the latest models for free made it, in my eyes, the better of the two options.
I agreed, and after signing a plethora of documentation, not all of which I could understand and much less even read, he was on his way. Later that week they contacted me via phone about my first upgrade. It turns out, while the two pairs I had recently bought were the most expensive that my local retailer had to offer, they were by far not the most expensive and functional ones that the company offered. That first upgrade was like night and day compared to the so-called ‘top of the line’ ones I had purchased. The sound was crisper, they had better bass, a longer battery life, a further range for the bluetooth, everything about them was superior.
Then, still very much pleased with my upgraded earbuds, they contacted me about their newest pair. This pair upgraded everything, along with having noise canceling and the ability to make phone calls via a small mic inside of the earbud.
And it kept going, every month there was a new upgraded version that blew the latest one out of the water with better clarity and added functionality. My daily distractions of listening to content at work was never better. Gone were the days of bringing my phone with me from room to room as I painted, the bluetooth had crystal clear connectivity anywhere in the apartment. Hell, I could leave my phone charging in my car outside and the signal would pick up through spans of parking lots and brick walls. The snug form fitting cushion in my ear ensured that they never fell out on accident, yet wasn’t intrusive. I could go on and on, singing praise for the innovation and quality that the good people at ToxiCorp were doing with their wide line of audio products. Until that is, they hit me with their latest upgrade.
I should have known something was off when they asked me to come to their R&D department for this latest upgrade. All I was told was that this newest iteration was still in the ‘experimental’ stage of development. Previously, they had always simply mailed the newest model straight to me. I simply chalked up this break in protocol to the fact that this one was still in the prototype stage. I had already decided that whatever it was, I wanted it. I was even excited that they decided to include me in testing whatever it was that they had cooked up. Boy, was I stupid.
I arrived at their facility and was greeted by their team of engineers. They led me to a small lobby and gave me refreshments while I waited, and that was the last thing I remembered. When I woke up, I was in a recovery room with bright fluorescent lights blinding me, and a litany of rhythmically beeping medical machines monitoring my vitals. I felt groggy as hell, and as I reached up to feel why the side of my head was throbbing I felt swollen flesh molding around stitches above and behind my right ear. They said that the nausea accompanied by the dizziness I felt was normal, and conducive to the operation they performed in and around my inner ear.
I was PISSED. When my complaints and threats finally summoned the head researcher, the very same old man who had come to my door to tell me I was a ‘winner’ walked into the room.
“What the hell!? How did I get here, and what the fuck is all this about some ‘procedure’!?” I yelled. “Did you people drug me? What kind of sick operation are you people running here?”
The old man merely smiled. “Nothing that you didn’t agree to. You gave us express permission when you signed our agreement.”
“Like hell I did!” I yelled. He produced a small remote and pointed it at me, pressing a button as I continued to yell. “¡Déjame salir de aquí y llamo a mi abogado!” I threatened. What the hell? I had yelled that in english, I clearly said “Let me out of here and I’m calling my lawyer,” and I had heard the english version in my other ear, but in my right ear, the ear that was throbbing and had been operated on, I heard what I assumed was spanish.
The scientist seemed pleased at the utter confusion that sank into my facial features. “Do you speak spanish?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He had really said “Habla espanol?”, I heard it with my untainted ear, but I also heard the english translation clear as day with the other.
I’ll admit, even though I was still utterly pissed about the situation, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little amazed.
“What… what else can it do?” I asked, my anger subsiding slightly.
His grin grew even wider. He came closer to show me the remote. It was something akin to an old iPod looking thing. He scrolled through a plethora of menus until he selected one labeled ‘Enhance Audio’. He then pointed it in the direction of two nurses conversing behind the other side of a large glass viewing window on the other side of the room. As soon as the remote was pointing in their direction, I could hear them.
“I can’t believe that prick stood you up like that, girl!” one said.
“He’s a loser anyway, I heard from Jenny that he isn’t even all that well endowed, if you know what I mean…” the other said, holding up her pinky finger which sent both of them into a giggling fit.
“Can you hear them? How clear is the audio?” the old man asked, pulling out a clipboard and pen seemingly from nowhere.
We ran a gauntlet of tests, trying out different features and modes, dialing in and fine tuning the settings. By the time we were finished, I wasn’t even all that mad anymore. I mean, I was still a little peeved. I had been tricked and drugged and operated on without my consent, I don’t care what the gibberish in my contract said, I felt violated. BUT… after all was said and done, I couldn’t help but feel like the benefits that the new implanted device offered were more than worth some shady and underhanded practices. I was kept in their facility for a couple of days for observation and more tests, compensated for my lost wages at my job, and given a prescription to fill- something to help with the pain while my body healed. They claimed it was ‘an astounding success!’, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if they had failed?
I went about my life, checking in with them via phone once a week, which I could now call and answer by merely thinking about it, thanks to their device. I could understand hundreds of spoken languages, I could hear conversations happening through brick walls with crystal clarity, and if it ever got too much I could always just lower the settings, even mute certain frequencies. Despite their underhanded techniques and the violation of my own body, my rage in them had subsided and became some more like a perturbed annoyance. They had drugged and operated me without my knowing consent, sure, but I was beginning to come around. Hell, I would have even said I came out like a thief, definitely better off than I had been.
Then, I began having the dreams.
My dreams since they had installed this thing in my head have been so vivid. Dreams that seem so real, almost like I was awake, but not in control. Like watching yourself sleepwalk. I have vague memories and impressions when I wake up, remnants of whatever cycles my subconscious mind rolls through when I’m out. In one, I only remember being told by some authority figure that I needed to go out to the corner store and buy a certain brand of potato chips. My socks were wet when I woke up the next morning, and my blood chilled when I stepped outside only to notice that it had indeed rained the night before. When I checked my bank statement, there had been a purchase at 2:46 AM for the amount of $3.46 that I didn’t remember. Hell, I had been asleep at that time. So I WAS sleepwalking, along with sleep purchasing and god only knows what else.
They kept happening. Always single mindedly compelled to complete some seemingly menial or meaningless task. I tried sleeping pills, when that didn’t work I tried caffeine pills to stay awake. When I eventually did crash and pass out they continued. I even tried getting blind drunk, and while I don’t remember having any vivid dreams or sleepwalking episodes, my bank account and transaction history begged to differ. I guess I was just too blackout drunk to remember, but it hadn’t stopped me.
Last night was the most surreal one yet. I went to this bench out at the park a couple of blocks away. When I got there, I reached beneath it, obtaining the gun that I somehow knew would be there. That’s when everything became fuzzy. I try and try to remember what else happened, but it’s a blur of blue and scarlet. When I heard there had been a shooting that killed 2 people down the street from my place, I could see their faces in my mind before the police released the photos of the victims. They had been a couple, out for a late night rendezvous. A man of average looks and build and his sweetheart, who’s blue eyes burned holes into my soul through the TV screen as they glared at me accusingly. For an instant when their photos were on the screen, I remembered seeing those blue eyes looking at me, pleading and full of fear, and then… a scarlet plume of blood as the bullet mangled her beautiful face beyond recognition…
That was when the realization finally hit home for me. I did it. I killed that couple. Somehow, in a nocturnal venture in my slumber, I had murdered them. I thought I was going crazy! That’s not me, not something I would ever in the slightest consider, much less actually do. A piece of me died that day- my innocence, I think.
I did what any decent human being in my situation would do, I resolved to turn myself in. If somehow I was becoming some crazed maniac in my sleep, the smartest thing to do would be to turn myself in, lest I somehow manage to harm more innocent people.
I went out for a good steak dinner, probably the last decent meal I’d ever get to eat before my last meal on death row someday. It was the most delicious meal I ever remember eating. I savored every little bite. Finished with my meal, I tipped several hundred dollars to my waitress- my last good deed that I knew would never make up for the harm I had caused, the lives I had taken. I took a cab to the police station, ready to own up and meet my fate. That’s when I heard it. A voice echoing minutely in my ear.
“Don’t do it,” it said. And suddenly, I found that I couldn’t. I stood there for a long time, trying to take that step up to the door, the voice repeating the command incessantly. It commanded and I obeyed. Its hooked tendrils were sunk in deep, and I was compelled to do as it said. That voice was familiar, I realized. It was the same voice that had greeted me when I opened my door that day. The same voice I heard after the surgical implant was unwillingly installed, trespassing in my brain. The same voice of the head of research and development. The friendly voice of ToxiCorp.

I live the best part of my life online. It’s a sign of the times we live in, I guess. There are the mundane humdrum happenings that occur in our lives offline- the boring day to day droll occurrences that one can usually set their watch to, and then there’s the amazing things that we are lucky enough to witness via the screen usually glued to our hands. There’s no comparison, really. Content curated by professionals who are successful enough to have millions of followers watching every video and upvoting every hilarious meme, versus boring work and the strained relationship with our folks and loved ones? YouTube and social media wins that one in a landslide victory, in my opinion. Candy, or vegetables?
My job painting apartments is menial, lots of repetition. The only real variation is that every other apartment is mirrored opposite the ones next to it. Kitchen on the right, bathroom on the left in this one. Bathroom on the right, kitchen on the left in that one. Over and over again, ad infinitum. I dip the roller in paint, and apply it to a section of wall, dip the roller, apply it to another section of wall, over and over and over again until it’s quitting time. If I finish an apartment before it’s time to get off, there are plenty of others to move on to. Every… single… day. Six days a week.
Repetition is half of the formula to insanity, I say. One of, if not the ONLY thing that helps in keeping me sane is a decent signal on my phone and a single bluetooth earbud. Having some sort of dialog- whether that be listening to an entertaining YouTuber doing a let’s play, to channels that narrate Creepypastas- I find helps in the passage of time while working. It helps my mind wander while my body goes on autopilot, thus finding an hour long story by one of my favorite channels that I haven’t heard yet is like a gift from the content gods.
One of the longest work days I can remember was the day that my earbud fell out and landed directly in my paint bucket. I cursed the universe as I watched it sink. It happened early in the day too, so I was forced to weather the remaining six hours with nothing but my own thoughts and the sound of my paint roller smearing on the walls. I had lost the other earbud somewhere months ago, so it’s not like I had a spare one charging somewhere, and by the end of the day I resolved it by buying two brand new pairs so if something like that ever happened again, I’d have no less than three backups.
I decided to treat myself, buying a cutting edge and top of the line brand. When one uses a product for most of the day, every day, it helps to buy quality, because it’s not just at work that I use them. When I’m driving, washing dishes at home or doing household chores, or just grinding out levels on a video game, there’s always some audio going on in my ear. Listening to podcasts while I’m folding laundry, reviews for new games and movies while I’m walking the dog, ten interesting facts about *insert topic here* while I’m eating dinner. It just helps me get through my day. And my nights too, falling asleep listening to spooky stories has gotten to the point where if I forget to charge my phone or earbuds and one of them dies before I fall asleep, I might as well get back up for a bit while the battery charges.
It may sound weird to some people, trying to follow a narrative while also trying to fall asleep seems like it would be counterintuitive, but just like how some people need a fan or a TV going, there are thousands of us falling asleep to a soothing voice telling a macabre tale every night. Probably millions, given how the technology has evolved in prior years.
When I received an email saying I’d won a chance to test out the next step of that evolution, I ignored it. I hadn’t signed up for any contest or sweepstakes that I was aware of. Probably just spam, I thought. When the physical letter showed up in my mail stating the same, I took it a little more seriously, but eventually chalked it up to the spammers just being persistent. More junk mail. They got my email and were able to find an address that matched it, probably not that hard to do considering how many sites I’ve used that email to sign up for over the years. I was well aware that people leave a digital footprint, along with a treasure trove of data for advertisers and scammers alike. I always just chalked it up to the price of admission as I dropped the letter in my trash bin without even opening it. After a few weeks, all of my brushing off and ignoring what I thought was a scam culminated with a knock at my door.
“Why hello, sir. We represent ToxiCorp, and we understand that you recently purchased our product- two pairs of our Premium Earbuds?” the gentlemen asked. He was an older fellow, wearing thick coke bottle glasses and sandals. Before I could even answer though, he went on. “We’ve attempted to contact you via mail in regards to your most wisest of purchases. First off, we at the Toxi Corporation would like to sincerely thank you! And also congratulate you! You’ve won our annual November-a-thon giveaway!” he finished, taking an overdue and long breath.
That was how I found out that it wasn’t just spam. They had gotten my information when I had registered the product for the warranty, and unbeknownst to me, had thrown my name in the hat for their contest. The prizes I had to choose from included $500 cash, or free ToxiCorp earbuds for life, which included a free upgrade every time they put out a new product. While the cash offer was tempting, I decided that the latter offer would get me more bang for my buck. High end earbuds, like those made by ToxiCorp, weren’t cheap afterall. Plus, being able to upgrade and try out the latest models for free made it, in my eyes, the better of the two options.
I agreed, and after signing a plethora of documentation, not all of which I could understand and much less even read, he was on his way. Later that week they contacted me via phone about my first upgrade. It turns out, while the two pairs I had recently bought were the most expensive that my local retailer had to offer, they were by far not the most expensive and functional ones that the company offered. That first upgrade was like night and day compared to the so-called ‘top of the line’ ones I had purchased. The sound was crisper, they had better bass, a longer battery life, a further range for the bluetooth, everything about them was superior.
Then, still very much pleased with my upgraded earbuds, they contacted me about their newest pair. This pair upgraded everything, along with having noise canceling and the ability to make phone calls via a small mic inside of the earbud.
And it kept going, every month there was a new upgraded version that blew the latest one out of the water with better clarity and added functionality. My daily distractions of listening to content at work was never better. Gone were the days of bringing my phone with me from room to room as I painted, the bluetooth had crystal clear connectivity anywhere in the apartment. Hell, I could leave my phone charging in my car outside and the signal would pick up through spans of parking lots and brick walls. The snug form fitting cushion in my ear ensured that they never fell out on accident, yet wasn’t intrusive. I could go on and on, singing praise for the innovation and quality that the good people at ToxiCorp were doing with their wide line of audio products. Until that is, they hit me with their latest upgrade.
I should have known something was off when they asked me to come to their R&D department for this latest upgrade. All I was told was that this newest iteration was still in the ‘experimental’ stage of development. Previously, they had always simply mailed the newest model straight to me. I simply chalked up this break in protocol to the fact that this one was still in the prototype stage. I had already decided that whatever it was, I wanted it. I was even excited that they decided to include me in testing whatever it was that they had cooked up. Boy, was I stupid.
I arrived at their facility and was greeted by their team of engineers. They led me to a small lobby and gave me refreshments while I waited, and that was the last thing I remembered. When I woke up, I was in a recovery room with bright fluorescent lights blinding me, and a litany of rhythmically beeping medical machines monitoring my vitals. I felt groggy as hell, and as I reached up to feel why the side of my head was throbbing I felt swollen flesh molding around stitches above and behind my right ear. They said that the nausea accompanied by the dizziness I felt was normal, and conducive to the operation they performed in and around my inner ear.
I was PISSED. When my complaints and threats finally summoned the head researcher, the very same old man who had come to my door to tell me I was a ‘winner’ walked into the room.
“What the hell!? How did I get here, and what the fuck is all this about some ‘procedure’!?” I yelled. “Did you people drug me? What kind of sick operation are you people running here?”
The old man merely smiled. “Nothing that you didn’t agree to. You gave us express permission when you signed our agreement.”
“Like hell I did!” I yelled. He produced a small remote and pointed it at me, pressing a button as I continued to yell. “¡Déjame salir de aquí y llamo a mi abogado!” I threatened. What the hell? I had yelled that in english, I clearly said “Let me out of here and I’m calling my lawyer,” and I had heard the english version in my other ear, but in my right ear, the ear that was throbbing and had been operated on, I heard what I assumed was spanish.
The scientist seemed pleased at the utter confusion that sank into my facial features. “Do you speak spanish?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He had really said “Habla espanol?”, I heard it with my untainted ear, but I also heard the english translation clear as day with the other.
I’ll admit, even though I was still utterly pissed about the situation, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little amazed.
“What… what else can it do?” I asked, my anger subsiding slightly.
His grin grew even wider. He came closer to show me the remote. It was something akin to an old iPod looking thing. He scrolled through a plethora of menus until he selected one labeled ‘Enhance Audio’. He then pointed it in the direction of two nurses conversing behind the other side of a large glass viewing window on the other side of the room. As soon as the remote was pointing in their direction, I could hear them.
“I can’t believe that prick stood you up like that, girl!” one said.
“He’s a loser anyway, I heard from Jenny that he isn’t even all that well endowed, if you know what I mean…” the other said, holding up her pinky finger which sent both of them into a giggling fit.
“Can you hear them? How clear is the audio?” the old man asked, pulling out a clipboard and pen seemingly from nowhere.
We ran a gauntlet of tests, trying out different features and modes, dialing in and fine tuning the settings. By the time we were finished, I wasn’t even all that mad anymore. I mean, I was still a little peeved. I had been tricked and drugged and operated on without my consent, I don’t care what the gibberish in my contract said, I felt violated. BUT… after all was said and done, I couldn’t help but feel like the benefits that the new implanted device offered were more than worth some shady and underhanded practices. I was kept in their facility for a couple of days for observation and more tests, compensated for my lost wages at my job, and given a prescription to fill- something to help with the pain while my body healed. They claimed it was ‘an astounding success!’, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if they had failed?
I went about my life, checking in with them via phone once a week, which I could now call and answer by merely thinking about it, thanks to their device. I could understand hundreds of spoken languages, I could hear conversations happening through brick walls with crystal clarity, and if it ever got too much I could always just lower the settings, even mute certain frequencies. Despite their underhanded techniques and the violation of my own body, my rage in them had subsided and became some more like a perturbed annoyance. They had drugged and operated me without my knowing consent, sure, but I was beginning to come around. Hell, I would have even said I came out like a thief, definitely better off than I had been.
Then, I began having the dreams.
My dreams since they had installed this thing in my head have been so vivid. Dreams that seem so real, almost like I was awake, but not in control. Like watching yourself sleepwalk. I have vague memories and impressions when I wake up, remnants of whatever cycles my subconscious mind rolls through when I’m out. In one, I only remember being told by some authority figure that I needed to go out to the corner store and buy a certain brand of potato chips. My socks were wet when I woke up the next morning, and my blood chilled when I stepped outside only to notice that it had indeed rained the night before. When I checked my bank statement, there had been a purchase at 2:46 AM for the amount of $3.46 that I didn’t remember. Hell, I had been asleep at that time. So I WAS sleepwalking, along with sleep purchasing and god only knows what else.
They kept happening. Always single mindedly compelled to complete some seemingly menial or meaningless task. I tried sleeping pills, when that didn’t work I tried caffeine pills to stay awake. When I eventually did crash and pass out they continued. I even tried getting blind drunk, and while I don’t remember having any vivid dreams or sleepwalking episodes, my bank account and transaction history begged to differ. I guess I was just too blackout drunk to remember, but it hadn’t stopped me.
Last night was the most surreal one yet. I went to this bench out at the park a couple of blocks away. When I got there, I reached beneath it, obtaining the gun that I somehow knew would be there. That’s when everything became fuzzy. I try and try to remember what else happened, but it’s a blur of blue and scarlet. When I heard there had been a shooting that killed 2 people down the street from my place, I could see their faces in my mind before the police released the photos of the victims. They had been a couple, out for a late night rendezvous. A man of average looks and build and his sweetheart, who’s blue eyes burned holes into my soul through the TV screen as they glared at me accusingly. For an instant when their photos were on the screen, I remembered seeing those blue eyes looking at me, pleading and full of fear, and then… a scarlet plume of blood as the bullet mangled her beautiful face beyond recognition…
That was when the realization finally hit home for me. I did it. I killed that couple. Somehow, in a nocturnal venture in my slumber, I had murdered them. I thought I was going crazy! That’s not me, not something I would ever in the slightest consider, much less actually do. A piece of me died that day- my innocence, I think.
I did what any decent human being in my situation would do, I resolved to turn myself in. If somehow I was becoming some crazed maniac in my sleep, the smartest thing to do would be to turn myself in, lest I somehow manage to harm more innocent people.
I went out for a good steak dinner, probably the last decent meal I’d ever get to eat before my last meal on death row someday. It was the most delicious meal I ever remember eating. I savored every little bite. Finished with my meal, I tipped several hundred dollars to my waitress- my last good deed that I knew would never make up for the harm I had caused, the lives I had taken. I took a cab to the police station, ready to own up and meet my fate. That’s when I heard it. A voice echoing minutely in my ear.
“Don’t do it,” it said. And suddenly, I found that I couldn’t. I stood there for a long time, trying to take that step up to the door, the voice repeating the command incessantly. It commanded and I obeyed. Its hooked tendrils were sunk in deep, and I was compelled to do as it said. That voice was familiar, I realized. It was the same voice that had greeted me when I opened my door that day. The same voice I heard after the surgical implant was unwillingly installed, trespassing in my brain. The same voice of the head of research and development. The friendly voice of ToxiCorp.

I live the best part of my life online. It’s a sign of the times we live in, I guess. There are the mundane humdrum happenings that occur in our lives offline- the boring day to day droll occurrences that one can usually set their watch to, and then there’s the amazing things that we are lucky enough to witness via the screen usually glued to our hands. There’s no comparison, really. Content curated by professionals who are successful enough to have millions of followers watching every video and upvoting every hilarious meme, versus boring work and the strained relationship with our folks and loved ones? YouTube and social media wins that one in a landslide victory, in my opinion. Candy, or vegetables?
My job painting apartments is menial, lots of repetition. The only real variation is that every other apartment is mirrored opposite the ones next to it. Kitchen on the right, bathroom on the left in this one. Bathroom on the right, kitchen on the left in that one. Over and over again, ad infinitum. I dip the roller in paint, and apply it to a section of wall, dip the roller, apply it to another section of wall, over and over and over again until it’s quitting time. If I finish an apartment before it’s time to get off, there are plenty of others to move on to. Every… single… day. Six days a week.
Repetition is half of the formula to insanity, I say. One of, if not the ONLY thing that helps in keeping me sane is a decent signal on my phone and a single bluetooth earbud. Having some sort of dialog- whether that be listening to an entertaining YouTuber doing a let’s play, to channels that narrate Creepypastas- I find helps in the passage of time while working. It helps my mind wander while my body goes on autopilot, thus finding an hour long story by one of my favorite channels that I haven’t heard yet is like a gift from the content gods.
One of the longest work days I can remember was the day that my earbud fell out and landed directly in my paint bucket. I cursed the universe as I watched it sink. It happened early in the day too, so I was forced to weather the remaining six hours with nothing but my own thoughts and the sound of my paint roller smearing on the walls. I had lost the other earbud somewhere months ago, so it’s not like I had a spare one charging somewhere, and by the end of the day I resolved it by buying two brand new pairs so if something like that ever happened again, I’d have no less than three backups.
I decided to treat myself, buying a cutting edge and top of the line brand. When one uses a product for most of the day, every day, it helps to buy quality, because it’s not just at work that I use them. When I’m driving, washing dishes at home or doing household chores, or just grinding out levels on a video game, there’s always some audio going on in my ear. Listening to podcasts while I’m folding laundry, reviews for new games and movies while I’m walking the dog, ten interesting facts about *insert topic here* while I’m eating dinner. It just helps me get through my day. And my nights too, falling asleep listening to spooky stories has gotten to the point where if I forget to charge my phone or earbuds and one of them dies before I fall asleep, I might as well get back up for a bit while the battery charges.
It may sound weird to some people, trying to follow a narrative while also trying to fall asleep seems like it would be counterintuitive, but just like how some people need a fan or a TV going, there are thousands of us falling asleep to a soothing voice telling a macabre tale every night. Probably millions, given how the technology has evolved in prior years.
When I received an email saying I’d won a chance to test out the next step of that evolution, I ignored it. I hadn’t signed up for any contest or sweepstakes that I was aware of. Probably just spam, I thought. When the physical letter showed up in my mail stating the same, I took it a little more seriously, but eventually chalked it up to the spammers just being persistent. More junk mail. They got my email and were able to find an address that matched it, probably not that hard to do considering how many sites I’ve used that email to sign up for over the years. I was well aware that people leave a digital footprint, along with a treasure trove of data for advertisers and scammers alike. I always just chalked it up to the price of admission as I dropped the letter in my trash bin without even opening it. After a few weeks, all of my brushing off and ignoring what I thought was a scam culminated with a knock at my door.
“Why hello, sir. We represent ToxiCorp, and we understand that you recently purchased our product- two pairs of our Premium Earbuds?” the gentlemen asked. He was an older fellow, wearing thick coke bottle glasses and sandals. Before I could even answer though, he went on. “We’ve attempted to contact you via mail in regards to your most wisest of purchases. First off, we at the Toxi Corporation would like to sincerely thank you! And also congratulate you! You’ve won our annual November-a-thon giveaway!” he finished, taking an overdue and long breath.
That was how I found out that it wasn’t just spam. They had gotten my information when I had registered the product for the warranty, and unbeknownst to me, had thrown my name in the hat for their contest. The prizes I had to choose from included $500 cash, or free ToxiCorp earbuds for life, which included a free upgrade every time they put out a new product. While the cash offer was tempting, I decided that the latter offer would get me more bang for my buck. High end earbuds, like those made by ToxiCorp, weren’t cheap afterall. Plus, being able to upgrade and try out the latest models for free made it, in my eyes, the better of the two options.
I agreed, and after signing a plethora of documentation, not all of which I could understand and much less even read, he was on his way. Later that week they contacted me via phone about my first upgrade. It turns out, while the two pairs I had recently bought were the most expensive that my local retailer had to offer, they were by far not the most expensive and functional ones that the company offered. That first upgrade was like night and day compared to the so-called ‘top of the line’ ones I had purchased. The sound was crisper, they had better bass, a longer battery life, a further range for the bluetooth, everything about them was superior.
Then, still very much pleased with my upgraded earbuds, they contacted me about their newest pair. This pair upgraded everything, along with having noise canceling and the ability to make phone calls via a small mic inside of the earbud.
And it kept going, every month there was a new upgraded version that blew the latest one out of the water with better clarity and added functionality. My daily distractions of listening to content at work was never better. Gone were the days of bringing my phone with me from room to room as I painted, the bluetooth had crystal clear connectivity anywhere in the apartment. Hell, I could leave my phone charging in my car outside and the signal would pick up through spans of parking lots and brick walls. The snug form fitting cushion in my ear ensured that they never fell out on accident, yet wasn’t intrusive. I could go on and on, singing praise for the innovation and quality that the good people at ToxiCorp were doing with their wide line of audio products. Until that is, they hit me with their latest upgrade.
I should have known something was off when they asked me to come to their R&D department for this latest upgrade. All I was told was that this newest iteration was still in the ‘experimental’ stage of development. Previously, they had always simply mailed the newest model straight to me. I simply chalked up this break in protocol to the fact that this one was still in the prototype stage. I had already decided that whatever it was, I wanted it. I was even excited that they decided to include me in testing whatever it was that they had cooked up. Boy, was I stupid.
I arrived at their facility and was greeted by their team of engineers. They led me to a small lobby and gave me refreshments while I waited, and that was the last thing I remembered. When I woke up, I was in a recovery room with bright fluorescent lights blinding me, and a litany of rhythmically beeping medical machines monitoring my vitals. I felt groggy as hell, and as I reached up to feel why the side of my head was throbbing I felt swollen flesh molding around stitches above and behind my right ear. They said that the nausea accompanied by the dizziness I felt was normal, and conducive to the operation they performed in and around my inner ear.
I was PISSED. When my complaints and threats finally summoned the head researcher, the very same old man who had come to my door to tell me I was a ‘winner’ walked into the room.
“What the hell!? How did I get here, and what the fuck is all this about some ‘procedure’!?” I yelled. “Did you people drug me? What kind of sick operation are you people running here?”
The old man merely smiled. “Nothing that you didn’t agree to. You gave us express permission when you signed our agreement.”
“Like hell I did!” I yelled. He produced a small remote and pointed it at me, pressing a button as I continued to yell. “¡Déjame salir de aquí y llamo a mi abogado!” I threatened. What the hell? I had yelled that in english, I clearly said “Let me out of here and I’m calling my lawyer,” and I had heard the english version in my other ear, but in my right ear, the ear that was throbbing and had been operated on, I heard what I assumed was spanish.
The scientist seemed pleased at the utter confusion that sank into my facial features. “Do you speak spanish?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear. He had really said “Habla espanol?”, I heard it with my untainted ear, but I also heard the english translation clear as day with the other.
I’ll admit, even though I was still utterly pissed about the situation, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little amazed.
“What… what else can it do?” I asked, my anger subsiding slightly.
His grin grew even wider. He came closer to show me the remote. It was something akin to an old iPod looking thing. He scrolled through a plethora of menus until he selected one labeled ‘Enhance Audio’. He then pointed it in the direction of two nurses conversing behind the other side of a large glass viewing window on the other side of the room. As soon as the remote was pointing in their direction, I could hear them.
“I can’t believe that prick stood you up like that, girl!” one said.
“He’s a loser anyway, I heard from Jenny that he isn’t even all that well endowed, if you know what I mean…” the other said, holding up her pinky finger which sent both of them into a giggling fit.
“Can you hear them? How clear is the audio?” the old man asked, pulling out a clipboard and pen seemingly from nowhere.
We ran a gauntlet of tests, trying out different features and modes, dialing in and fine tuning the settings. By the time we were finished, I wasn’t even all that mad anymore. I mean, I was still a little peeved. I had been tricked and drugged and operated on without my consent, I don’t care what the gibberish in my contract said, I felt violated. BUT… after all was said and done, I couldn’t help but feel like the benefits that the new implanted device offered were more than worth some shady and underhanded practices. I was kept in their facility for a couple of days for observation and more tests, compensated for my lost wages at my job, and given a prescription to fill- something to help with the pain while my body healed. They claimed it was ‘an astounding success!’, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if they had failed?
I went about my life, checking in with them via phone once a week, which I could now call and answer by merely thinking about it, thanks to their device. I could understand hundreds of spoken languages, I could hear conversations happening through brick walls with crystal clarity, and if it ever got too much I could always just lower the settings, even mute certain frequencies. Despite their underhanded techniques and the violation of my own body, my rage in them had subsided and became some more like a perturbed annoyance. They had drugged and operated me without my knowing consent, sure, but I was beginning to come around. Hell, I would have even said I came out like a thief, definitely better off than I had been.
Then, I began having the dreams.
My dreams since they had installed this thing in my head have been so vivid. Dreams that seem so real, almost like I was awake, but not in control. Like watching yourself sleepwalk. I have vague memories and impressions when I wake up, remnants of whatever cycles my subconscious mind rolls through when I’m out. In one, I only remember being told by some authority figure that I needed to go out to the corner store and buy a certain brand of potato chips. My socks were wet when I woke up the next morning, and my blood chilled when I stepped outside only to notice that it had indeed rained the night before. When I checked my bank statement, there had been a purchase at 2:46 AM for the amount of $3.46 that I didn’t remember. Hell, I had been asleep at that time. So I WAS sleepwalking, along with sleep purchasing and god only knows what else.
They kept happening. Always single mindedly compelled to complete some seemingly menial or meaningless task. I tried sleeping pills, when that didn’t work I tried caffeine pills to stay awake. When I eventually did crash and pass out they continued. I even tried getting blind drunk, and while I don’t remember having any vivid dreams or sleepwalking episodes, my bank account and transaction history begged to differ. I guess I was just too blackout drunk to remember, but it hadn’t stopped me.
Last night was the most surreal one yet. I went to this bench out at the park a couple of blocks away. When I got there, I reached beneath it, obtaining the gun that I somehow knew would be there. That’s when everything became fuzzy. I try and try to remember what else happened, but it’s a blur of blue and scarlet. When I heard there had been a shooting that killed 2 people down the street from my place, I could see their faces in my mind before the police released the photos of the victims. They had been a couple, out for a late night rendezvous. A man of average looks and build and his sweetheart, who’s blue eyes burned holes into my soul through the TV screen as they glared at me accusingly. For an instant when their photos were on the screen, I remembered seeing those blue eyes looking at me, pleading and full of fear, and then… a scarlet plume of blood as the bullet mangled her beautiful face beyond recognition…
That was when the realization finally hit home for me. I did it. I killed that couple. Somehow, in a nocturnal venture in my slumber, I had murdered them. I thought I was going crazy! That’s not me, not something I would ever in the slightest consider, much less actually do. A piece of me died that day- my innocence, I think.
I did what any decent human being in my situation would do, I resolved to turn myself in. If somehow I was becoming some crazed maniac in my sleep, the smartest thing to do would be to turn myself in, lest I somehow manage to harm more innocent people.
I went out for a good steak dinner, probably the last decent meal I’d ever get to eat before my last meal on death row someday. It was the most delicious meal I ever remember eating. I savored every little bite. Finished with my meal, I tipped several hundred dollars to my waitress- my last good deed that I knew would never make up for the harm I had caused, the lives I had taken. I took a cab to the police station, ready to own up and meet my fate. That’s when I heard it. A voice echoing minutely in my ear.
“Don’t do it,” it said. And suddenly, I found that I couldn’t. I stood there for a long time, trying to take that step up to the door, the voice repeating the command incessantly. It commanded and I obeyed. Its hooked tendrils were sunk in deep, and I was compelled to do as it said. That voice was familiar, I realized. It was the same voice that had greeted me when I opened my door that day. The same voice I heard after the surgical implant was unwillingly installed, trespassing in my brain. The same voice of the head of research and development. The friendly voice of ToxiCorp.